Pissed
Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML
Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML
Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML
Today, I set up a hidden camera in my room so I could prove that my sister beats me up when my parents aren't home, since they always accuse me of lying about it. When I showed them, they wasted no time accusing me of "provoking" her off-camera. FML
Today, I'm sleeping in a hotel with my grandparents for 2 days. They both talked in their sleep and snored for almost 3 hours straight, so I moved into the bathtub in the tiny bathroom to try to get some sleep. Just as I was falling asleep, the showerhead started to leak. Back to square one. FML
tenhut tells us more.
tenhut 12
Hey guys! OP here. My grandpa has sinus problems so his snoring is way more severe than most people's is. He and my grandmother both were talking in their sleep on top of it. I waited it out and tried my headphones for almost 3 hours before i decided to move. The hotel room only has a bathroom and bedroom, no couch, so it was the only place I could go. The tub may seem a little over the top, but my grandparents are older and have bladder control problems. They need to go to the bathroom multiple times a night, and I didn't want to make them have to step over me. I ended up going out to buy some sleep aids and my grandmother brought some of those snoring strips for him to try. Fingers crossed it works!
Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML
Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML
Today, my university is capable of sending me two diplomas in short succession due to a clerical error, but can't recognize that I've graduated and won't be taking classes with them in the fall. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a selfie where I used the Snapchat face-swap to put my best friend's face on mine. My boyfriend didn't notice and texted back, "Wow, so beautiful!" FML
Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey?" I replied, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stopped, turned and with a serious face asked, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML
Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML
Today, I have put in many job applications and had many interviews for a variety of positions all of which I am highly qualified for. Today, I heard back from all but one that I am overqualified. Welcome to Walmart. FML
Today, I have a job but can't be hired due to technical issues. This means that I'm technically not getting paid yet for the work I do. FML
mekiswrite tells us more.
mekiswrite 21
Hey guys! So, the place that I'm working at JUST switched to a new system - which nobody knows how to use. A while ago, my boss sat down with me to try to get me set up in the system. One problem that I had was that, using my phone, it was telling me my username and password were wrong. So, my boss told me to sign in as a "New Candidate". When I did, it didn't register me as having applied for any jobs. Last night, I tried logging in with my computer with the original username I had used to create a profile on the site. All fixed now, so I'm signed up for Direct Deposit and should be getting my employee number in a day or so. Which means that I can clock in and out and they can keep track of the hours I work. Which also means I'll be getting paid for the work I do!
Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML
Today, my parents lectured me for wanting to wear sneakers to a wedding. The wedding is on a farm. FML
so_this_is_me tells us more.
Just to clarify, the dress code was business casual but since it was on a farm, I was trying to choose comfortable, practical shoes that would not get totally ruined and that still looked nice which proved to be a bit of a challenge. After lots of shopping around and trying on many pairs of shoes, I found a pair of flats and I ended up wearing those. It did rain pretty heavily later so I ended up getting permission to change into shoes that I wouldn't mind getting muddy. This had absolutely nothing to do with entitlement, I was just trying to be practical :)
Today, while I was riding the bus to work, I noticed the guy sitting across from me had shorts on. He also had no underwear on and I could fully see his "parts" just hanging there. I decided to switch seats but as I stood up to move, the bus jerked. I fell face forward right into his "parts". FML
Today, it was my last day at my job. My team made a little party for me so they could wish me well and say goodbye, but when it came time for my manager to give a little speech, she couldn't even remember my name. I've been working there for two years. FML
Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML
Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML
Today, I am one year away from getting a university degree. Unfortunately, my parents just kicked me out because I wouldn't drop out and work for free at our family's gas station. I'm now broke, homeless, and have no way to pay for school. FML
Today, my roommate and I were watching TV, and he ordered a pizza. After it was delivered, I took a slice. He yelled at me for taking his food and told me to stop mooching off him. I had to cover his rent last month and he still hasn't paid me back. FML
Today, I earned the nickname of "Harry Potter" for all the wrong reasons. I got locked in a storage cupboard for most of my shift, and couldn't get out. FML
Today, I went out for drinks to mark the end of my current job. I invited all my colleagues to join me so I could say goodbye to them all. I even changed the date to a day that suited more people and the location to a place I knew they all preferred. Only one person showed up. FML
squizzlebee tells us more.
squizzlebee 19
Holy wow, I never expected this to get published! Thanks for all your comments, they're both making me laugh and appreciate what I do have :) Just for a bit of clarification, I worked in a clothing store and we'd see a fair few people come and go over time, and whenever one of us left (especially if they'd been there for longer than a year) there'd usually be some kind of informal gathering at a local bar to see them off. I'd been there for coming up to two years so I was hoping for a bit more of a turn out, but obviously people are busy with their own stuff! (The Brexit comments made me laugh :P) I did end up having a nice time with the one girl who showed up, she was one of the ones I felt was more of a friend than a colleague and so it was a rather nice evening overall :) And yes I do have a somewhat better job lined up so all good in the end really!
Today, while in the airport, I had to use the washroom. Upon exiting, I got confused due to an excess of mirrors and walked directly into one in front of an audience. FML
Today, I forgot my headphones at home. When I got to work I found out that today was also the day the band next door had decided to practice their only song for 8 hours. FML
Today, I went to work using the train. While on the train, I fell asleep. I woke up 130km late. FML
Code_Skull tells us more.
Code_Skull 12
OP here, turns out my boss was also late. Coincidences like this are called "luck" i suppose. about setting an alarm, i've done that but for some reason i slept right trough it. also, dutch trains are pretty crowded at the moment, so nobody thought about waking me up. until the next post thingamading i guess.
Today, I had a date with a guy. We ran into our gay friend at the theater, who insisted on coming along. My date was pissed, but I couldn't turn our friend away. Afterwards, my date texted our friend, mad because he crashed the date. Turns out he isn't gay. And only crashed it because he likes me. FML
Today, I was started my week of camping alone in the woods. I took my shoes off to go to sleep, but I had to come out to get water. I stepped on a wasp, and while I was standing on one foot looking at the sting, I realized I was in an ant pile. I'm allergic to both. FML
Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML
Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML
Today, a guy who likes me a little too much, and who I asked to tone his advances down a little, sent me a message on Twitter, Facebook and by text message to apologize. FML
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