Today, my boss hired a new meat cutter because our old one stopped showing up for work. After he put the smock on, I told him what needed to be done. Without saying a word, he walks over to my boss, hands him his smock and says, "I quit." Guess I'm on my own. FML
Today, on a first date, he told me I look like his ex's mom. FML
Today, I was using the restroom at a gas station when someone hurriedly knocked on the door. Thinking that it was my sister, I playfully said, "Hold up, hoe!" I opened the door to see a goth woman with an edgy haircut giving me a death stare. FML
Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML
Today, after being told two weeks ago that my contract would be renewed, my boss managed to tell me that actually he had other applicants for the job. I will be let go, but he offered me two months extra so I could finish the projects he had me working on. FML
Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me over video chat. Two days before I was to move across the country to be with him. All of my things are already shipped. He said he thinks of me as a sister. FML
Today, I walked into pawn shop and found a nice laptop which I inspected after I thought I lost mine months ago. Turns out my ex pawned it after having it at her place all this time. FML
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Today, one of my oldest friends blocked me for refusing to drive her to and from a wedding that was over 30 miles away. The wedding was mine. FML
snazz23 tells us more.
snazz23 20
Because I would have to go 30 miles out of my way to get her, and take her 30 miles out of my way to take her home. So that's 60 miles total....on my wedding day.
Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started writing "Wi" in the sand. I instantly hoped he was going to propose by writing, "Will you marry me" on the beach. He spelled out "wiener" instead. FML
Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML
Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML
Today, a friend posted a photo on Facebook of a meal with all of our other friends. The same meal they'd told me just yesterday had been cancelled. FML
Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML
Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML
Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML
Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He decided to lock me in the apartment until I say that we are in fact still together. This is the 4th time he has done this. FML
Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML
Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML
Today, a few weeks after moving in with my boyfriend, I borrowed his phone to Google something because mine was dead. His most recent searches? "How kill cat", "Kill cat laws", "Cat + poison". I thought he was ok with my cat when I moved in. FML
Today, I was outside using a power sander. I forgot to put on mosquito repellent and a mosquito started biting me. My only somewhat-free hand was holding the power sander. FML
ForSeriousReally tells us more.
It was expensive.
Today, I was helping some teachers with an exhibition for my final project. I brought an old USB stick with my final piece on it to display on a TV, but what I didn't know was that the TV didn't organize files by folders. Three teachers got a glimpse of my friend's infected nipple piercing. FML
murtato tells us more.
murtato 15
Hey, I'm OP and I knew I'd get questions like "why do you have that on your USB?" I just copied my main folder onto my USB because I was clearing my laptop, just so I could have things like old art saved. I had it because my friend was asking for advice because I had one too, and since it was sent on Skype, it automatically saved the file. My entire folder was just a huge mess and I had one for received Skype files in it, and I completely forgot about it after it was sent. I'm still so shocked that it was one of the first things to come up out of the 3000+ files on it. :/
Today, on our anniversary, my fiancé left me. I now spent a couple hundred dollars on a hotel room and wine to cry myself to sleep, alone. FML
BloodyElegant tells us more.
Hey, OP here! (Sorry, I didn't think to use my account when I posted this) Turns out I'm sort of happy that it happened. It hurt (and still hurts), yes, but I'm glad I didn't go through with the wedding. We spent the next week going back and forth and he just treated me like crap. It made me realize I deserve someone who wants me, loves me, and treats me how I deserve to be treated. As for the hotel, I did have my best friend enjoy the amenities with me while I enjoyed some much needed catharsis. Thank you, everyone, for being so kind!
Today, I proposed to my boyfriend. He said yes, but is now sulking because I took away his "manhood". Jeez, sorry I didn't want to wait another 7 years for you to finally do it. FML
Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML
Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML
Today, I lost an art contest to some talentless arsepipe whose piece was literally just a broken heart crudely drawn in her own blood. FML
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