Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML

By wish.was.single - / Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:33 / Canada
By Anonymous / Wednesday 25 January 2012 17:21 / United States

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

By lol / Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:54 / Canada

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

By replik / Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:50 / Russian Federation

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

By Paicked - / Wednesday 25 January 2012 12:33 / Australia

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

By ???? / Wednesday 25 January 2012 06:32 / United States
FML - The follow-up

Today, my husband bleached his hair so, "our future kids will have blond hair too." I'm already married to this guy. FML

dragonmirado Say more :
I thought it was blond for boys and blonde for girls. Like you wouldn't call a brown haired boy a brunette!
By dragonmirado - / Wednesday 25 January 2012 06:23 / China
By Benjamin / Wednesday 25 January 2012 05:03 / United States

  Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML

By talkingtoaretard - / Wednesday 25 January 2012 05:00 / United States

Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML

By JellitonOctopus / Wednesday 25 January 2012 04:51 / United States
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