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Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. I look him straight in the eye and ask him: "What's the first thing you think about when you look at me?". His answer: "Can I finish my steak?" FML

#656
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18432) - you deserved it (7161)

On 01/01/2009 at 7:09am - love - by Undefined - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

#5784
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18430) - you deserved it (38957)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by screwed. - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML

#20176010
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18427) - you deserved it (44274)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Whipped Cream - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was excited about my friend going wedding dress shopping. Before I went to go work out, I decided to try on a prom dress from high school to remember what it felt like to get dressed up. It was too tight, I broke the zipper, and spent 45 minutes trapped before I cut myself out. FML

#1688328
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18426) - you deserved it (37266)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:04am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML

#60521
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18425) - you deserved it (28503)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

#19341181
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18425) - you deserved it (2246)

On 03/24/2012 at 9:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

#19583210
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18421) - you deserved it (3728)

On 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm - health - by billiams15 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML

#14403939
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18416) - you deserved it (6930)

On 12/31/2010 at 1:13am - misc - by brenami (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML

#2285
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18415) - you deserved it (4374)

On 01/23/2009 at 5:45am - misc - by ohn0es - United States (Kansas)

Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML

Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML

#19737308
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18412) - you deserved it (2096)

On 06/05/2012 at 5:03am - misc - by holyshart - United States

Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

#19572615
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18412) - you deserved it (3642)

On 05/04/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by UnderConstruction (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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