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Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

#2282414
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20498) - you deserved it (41634)

On 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by wordmalfunction (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had to convince my 28-year-old boyfriend to take down his booger wall. FML

#19584469
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20497) - you deserved it (4860)

On 05/06/2012 at 10:03pm - misc - by fock (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML

#20051755
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20496) - you deserved it (2716)

On 09/01/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by KidKillah - United States (California)

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

#20088101
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20495) - you deserved it (1295)

On 09/25/2012 at 1:13pm - misc - by Jograd - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

#20886867
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20494) - you deserved it (31117)

On 09/18/2013 at 6:59pm - work - by Sunny (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

#7147698
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20489) - you deserved it (3846)

On 01/04/2010 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by audied (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML

#13930186
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20488) - you deserved it (3691)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:51pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

#20083358
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20486) - you deserved it (3018)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:12am - animals - by Grauncho - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to get to class at 9:00 to take a test. I woke up at 6:00, and figured I could wait a few minutes before getting ready. The next thing I knew, it was 10:30. FML

#20200420
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20483) - you deserved it (21351)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

#2379
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20482) - you deserved it (1888)

On 01/23/2009 at 7:22pm - misc - by raybandy - United States (Texas)

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML

#13876997
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20480) - you deserved it (7425)

On 11/17/2010 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

#6596856
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20479) - you deserved it (6105)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:48am - intimacy - by Not-so-sexy - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML

#19624313
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20476) - you deserved it (38665)

On 05/14/2012 at 9:09pm - love - by singleagain (woman) - United States



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