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Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

#8605732
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16377) - you deserved it (3831)

On 02/24/2010 at 12:05am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

#9205385
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16376) - you deserved it (20721)

On 03/19/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, during lunch break at work, the bitter departmental rivalry blew out of control, when one of the glorified thugs from HR started a fistfight with my shift supervisor. I rushed in to break it up, but only succeeded in getting sucker-punched into next week. FML

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then proceded to joke about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

#627489
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16375) - you deserved it (108761)

On 03/26/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by biggmouth - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

#7336128
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16373) - you deserved it (1959)

On 01/14/2010 at 9:54am - intimacy - by windskurfer - Sent from mobile version

Today, to save money, I wanted to fix my own leaky roof instead of hiring someone. When I got on the roof, the ladder fell. As it was falling, it broke three windows and snagged the siding of my house ripping over half of it off. FML

#11803226
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16368) - you deserved it (26047)

On 07/11/2010 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

#20022504
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16368) - you deserved it (34046)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

#480695
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16363) - you deserved it (94196)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by StephD (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

#20154996
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16353) - you deserved it (26897)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, for my birthday, my family offered to take one of my friends to the movies with me. I had to pay a random person in my class to pose as a friend of mine, so that I wouldn't look pathetic in front of my parents. She forgot my name three times. They didn't buy it. FML

#19913768
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16346) - you deserved it (20706)

On 07/09/2012 at 7:44am - misc - by Nofriends (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I bought a fish. I put the tank on top of the fridge so my cat wouldn't get at it. I'd forgotten to buy some things for its tank, so I quickly ran out to get them. When I got home, I saw the tank destroyed on the floor, and my cat devouring my fish. I had the fish for less than an hour. FML

#20497647
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16347) - you deserved it (25810)

On 02/07/2013 at 10:58pm - animals - by fish killer - Canada

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

#5424247
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16344) - you deserved it (33754)

On 09/23/2009 at 6:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

#20732510
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16332) - you deserved it (42238)

On 06/17/2013 at 8:55pm - work - by awk1 - United States (Georgia)



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