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Today, I killed a centipede. Now every little itch I feel, I think it's the centipede's spirit coming back to haunt me. FML

#17188633
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15322) - you deserved it (42211)

On 07/20/2011 at 8:36am - misc - by ElixirRose - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

#14954867
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15321) - you deserved it (58677)

On 02/13/2011 at 4:01am - intimacy - by RyanM - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML

#5876012
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15318) - you deserved it (32441)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:30am - misc - by cheat - United States (Texas)

Today, I barely pass my physics test with a 52. With anger I tore up the test in many small pieces and threw it out. As the class was taking the test up, the teacher found a mistake in the marking and asked us to return them back to him so he can change our grade. I would have gotten an 80. FML

#731788
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15318) - you deserved it (86324)

On 03/31/2009 at 8:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

#2772100
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15308) - you deserved it (46384)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by dm206 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML

#20420733
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15308) - you deserved it (26366)

On 12/25/2012 at 6:17am - misc - by Oops (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

#18324094
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15306) - you deserved it (20380)

On 11/23/2011 at 3:19am - animals - by bonertoolong - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

#16673731
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15304) - you deserved it (33424)

On 06/15/2011 at 5:02am - health - by Alec - United States

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

#1212600
384 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15297) - you deserved it (141578)

On 04/21/2009 at 11:24pm - love - by kellym (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

#18240312
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15298) - you deserved it (29391)

On 11/13/2011 at 7:11pm - misc - by ThatHurts (man) - Canada

Today, I bought a mini tracking device to attach to my wallet to keep me from losing it. Unfortunately, before I could put batteries in the tracking device, I lost it. FML

#2681
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15291) - you deserved it (7702)

On 01/26/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by Jacobro - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I met up with a few old friends for some wine and munchies. The main topics of conversation were colonoscopies, lactose intolerance and specific symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. I'm sleeping over at one of their houses. Only 20 more hours to go. FML

#20184451
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15283) - you deserved it (2131)

On 11/29/2012 at 8:00pm - misc - by Randiluck (woman) - Canada



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