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Today, I went to the bagel shop down the street for breakfast, the same one I've been going to for over 6 months now. At the counter the same lil' cook guy who's served me over those same 6 months, looks at me and says, "Yes, Ms?". I'm a guy. FML

#1077
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17498) - you deserved it (2140)

On 01/14/2009 at 6:06am - misc - by dunnough - United States (New York)

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

#15720918
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17499) - you deserved it (27078)

On 04/10/2011 at 4:55am - misc - by Ouch (woman) - Canada

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML

#1288123
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17493) - you deserved it (56783)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by cole (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

#14140366
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17491) - you deserved it (38528)

On 12/09/2010 at 7:31am - intimacy - by NeverDrinkingAgain - Canada

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

#18849422
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17491) - you deserved it (31449)

On 01/18/2012 at 11:09pm - intimacy - by Lickmylovepump (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

#1250715
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17490) - you deserved it (86905)

On 04/23/2009 at 7:42am - intimacy - by waitforit (man) - United States (California)

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

#10707989
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17488) - you deserved it (25853)

On 05/23/2010 at 5:21am - misc - by Oops (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML

#62325
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17486) - you deserved it (46117)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by loser (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

#21069793
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17485) - you deserved it (35878)

On 02/23/2014 at 9:22pm - health - by owmyfoot - United States (California)

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

#20100991
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17477) - you deserved it (2243)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:20am - animals - by acme - Israel

Today, I turned around in my cubicle to see the entire marketing department (myself excluded) getting ready to have lunch together. Nobody mentioned it to me. FML

#865
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17474) - you deserved it (1570)

On 01/08/2009 at 8:30am - work - by Webmonkey - United States (Texas)

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML

#3279854
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17474) - you deserved it (57475)

On 06/27/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by jake (man) - Denmark (Frederiksborg)

Today, I bought my new electric razor. I tried it, and washed it. I started to shake it, in order to get rid of the water. It was pretty slippy, and it exploded on the floor of my bathroom. The warranty doesn't cover this, I guess. FML

#377
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17474) - you deserved it (7348)

On 11/23/2008 at 11:44am - money - by Ulysse - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)



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