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Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

#1639101
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18451) - you deserved it (58660)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:27pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML

#19987585
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18447) - you deserved it (1959)

On 07/27/2012 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Midlothian)

Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML

#20056910
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18444) - you deserved it (3811)

On 09/04/2012 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

#621
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18442) - you deserved it (2663)

On 12/29/2008 at 1:09am - misc - by noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. I look him straight in the eye and ask him: "What's the first thing you think about when you look at me?". His answer: "Can I finish my steak?" FML

#656
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18437) - you deserved it (7161)

On 01/01/2009 at 7:09am - love - by Undefined - Sent from mobile version

Today, it was my wedding day. The best part was when we were taking photos and I threw up on my dress. At least the pictures were outside. FML

#19615153
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18434) - you deserved it (2494)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:28am - health - by whatevershit - United States (Alabama)

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

#5784
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18432) - you deserved it (38961)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by screwed. - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML

#20176010
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18428) - you deserved it (44275)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Whipped Cream - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was excited about my friend going wedding dress shopping. Before I went to go work out, I decided to try on a prom dress from high school to remember what it felt like to get dressed up. It was too tight, I broke the zipper, and spent 45 minutes trapped before I cut myself out. FML

#1688328
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18427) - you deserved it (37271)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:04am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

#19341181
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18427) - you deserved it (2246)

On 03/24/2012 at 9:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML

#60521
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18426) - you deserved it (28503)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

#19583210
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18424) - you deserved it (3728)

On 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm - health - by billiams15 (man) - United States (Texas)



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