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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing it in my head. FML

#19129747
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15062) - you deserved it (11675)

On 02/21/2012 at 6:49am - work - by annoym - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend rear ended a cop car because he was texting me. I was sitting next to him. FML

#18397332
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15056) - you deserved it (23714)

On 11/30/2011 at 8:10pm - misc - by yessir - United States

Today, I left my empty shower running so I could pretend I didn't still live alone. FML

#18790783
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15054) - you deserved it (25241)

On 01/12/2012 at 10:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gun point, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

#19440828
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15053) - you deserved it (10752)

On 04/10/2012 at 12:35am - health - by logkitty - United States (California)

Today, at work, I was calling customers to tell them that they had prescriptions waiting to be picked up. It was a long list and every time I reached an answering machine I left our number so they could call us back. When I was finished, the pharmacist told me I been giving out our fax number. FML

#3582524
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15050) - you deserved it (34643)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:52pm - work - by pharmn00b (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML

#1680929
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15050) - you deserved it (60718)

On 05/05/2009 at 11:41pm - intimacy - by JoeyDizz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15048) - you deserved it (59439)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

#5006277
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15046) - you deserved it (37791)

On 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by ooops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after working and saving up money for an entire year, I bought a 2001 VW Cabrio. I showed it to my friends, they all laughed at me and told me it was a girl's car. FML

#13164838
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15042) - you deserved it (24911)

On 09/23/2010 at 12:31am - money - by giantsfan2010 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML

#5146235
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15036) - you deserved it (39170)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:37am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

#6355609
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15036) - you deserved it (27765)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - animals - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15032) - you deserved it (52525)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML

#18146927
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15031) - you deserved it (34705)

On 11/03/2011 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by snownerd - United States (Ohio)



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