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Today, I announced to my family that I was going to start playing netball with my work colleagues. They all burst into fits of laughter at the thought of me doing physical activity. FML

#20061605
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15171) - you deserved it (3696)

On 09/07/2012 at 5:50am - health - by sunshinexx - Australia

Today, I realized that every targeted advertisement on my Facebook involves gym memberships and diet pills. FML

#20096947
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15160) - you deserved it (4278)

On 10/01/2012 at 4:04pm - health - by liveviathetredmill - United States (New York)

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

#17706134
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15159) - you deserved it (48819)

On 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by omfgnooo (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

#20108200
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15158) - you deserved it (26860)

On 10/08/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by ScaryBears (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

#2112400
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15156) - you deserved it (69443)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:54pm - misc - by Sweeney (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

#20499970
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15149) - you deserved it (53900)

On 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm - misc - by mhmm... cumsquats (man) - Belgium (Brabant)

Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I go. I then return with another pair for him to try on, and find him bent over and blurt out "What the hell's that terrible underwear?". The man turns around, revealing that I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML

#2607
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15150) - you deserved it (7920)

On 01/26/2009 at 5:09am - love - by Harmonia - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML

#18981474
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15144) - you deserved it (21808)

On 02/03/2012 at 12:25am - misc - by coleslaw (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that lemonade and urine look very similar to one another. I also learned that they taste very different. FML

#19183554
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15128) - you deserved it (20393)

On 02/28/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by iVaughtTV - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was out skating with a guy I really like. I put on my best moves, to impress him. I ended up slicing his lip open with my skate mid-jump. His lip is now wired shut by twelve stitches. FML

#15176511
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15127) - you deserved it (31813)

On 03/02/2011 at 4:26pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

#8406793
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15125) - you deserved it (4441)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by goldie09 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

#10772340
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15123) - you deserved it (32318)

On 05/26/2010 at 4:17am - health - by kaylajere - United States (Texas)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML

#14860597
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15122) - you deserved it (53208)

On 02/06/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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