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Today, I found out why my mother-in-law kept asking for one particular photo of our baby. She just wanted to show off the blanket that she had made to her friends on Facebook. Her first grandchild was almost completely cropped out of the picture. FML

Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML

by arirx12 / 02/25/2010 at 5:29pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML

by gs / 09/19/2011 at 6:16am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, it finally became clear to me that before you start dating a co-worker, it's best to figure out who they've already dated from work, just in case one of her exes is your new manager. FML

by Scorned Employee / 01/01/2012 at 10:38pm / United States (West Virginia) / Work

Today, I was boarding a plane and a woman's bag started to fall. In the spur of the moment I thrust my arm up to catch it. I didn't catch the bag, but I did catch her boob. I had to sit next to her for the rest of the flight. FML

by babymine / 03/08/2012 at 11:45pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago finally called me back. I was his "one phone call" from prison. FML

by Rose / 07/23/2012 at 7:06pm / United States / Love

Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML

by Lorena / 04/21/2012 at 3:26pm / United States (Hawaii) / Kids

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

by deweyd8855 / 07/02/2012 at 10:22pm / United States / Work

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 4:27am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my brother and I drove 3 hours to pick up our puppy. The woman we bought him from said not to put him in the cage for the ride home as he would pee for sure. She recommended I put him on my lap. Not only did he shit on the seat backing out of her driveway, he pissed on me an hour later. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2011 at 3:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

by anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 10:09am / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2012 at 7:04pm / United States / Kids

Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML

by depraved / 01/08/2009 at 6:21am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health