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Today, I spent ages at CVS waiting for a flu shot. The main cause of holdup was a disagreement between the pharmacist and the insurance company over 4 cents. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2010 at 9:07pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

by ninjapup / 01/01/2010 at 11:40pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

by milf / 08/05/2012 at 9:10pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML

by sneezer / 12/29/2008 at 11:54pm / Love

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 1:46pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I was excited because a friend had added me to a new Facebook chat consisting of my tight circle of friends from last year's summer camp. I then saw when the chat had been created. They kept me out of the chat for almost an entire year before deciding to add me. FML

by Alaskalex / 06/08/2015 at 1:50am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

by LexiD19 / 07/31/2015 at 6:56pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2011 at 3:38pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wasn't feeling our two-month relationship was up to par with his parents' 30-year marriage, and, furthermore, I wasn't similar enough to his mother. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2015 at 2:13am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

by arose / 09/08/2010 at 12:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML

by vanillapudding6 / 10/13/2015 at 9:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

by not anymore / 10/30/2015 at 7:29pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "The next person who talks gets a note to take home," one kid looked right at me and went "meow". FML

by Liz / 01/09/2009 at 3:54am / Kids