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Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

#13502954
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22531) - you deserved it (5445)

On 10/18/2010 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

#19129332
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22529) - you deserved it (26215)

On 02/21/2012 at 3:10am - intimacy - by desperate905 - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

#18037423
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22525) - you deserved it (12572)

On 10/21/2011 at 7:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML

#19044019
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22519) - you deserved it (2358)

On 02/10/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by Saw (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I realised I haven't had a date in so long that I actually seriously considered meeting someone from online, purely based on the fact he could spell properly. FML

#13822904
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22517) - you deserved it (3876)

On 11/13/2010 at 1:09am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

#12842003
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22515) - you deserved it (8029)

On 08/31/2010 at 6:33pm - misc - by nemi (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

#20083631
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22516) - you deserved it (9125)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm - kids - by SadDad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I wrote the girl I love a long, gushy letter to convince her to be with me instead of her abusive ex. Later on, I asked her what she thought. She said she can't read cursive. She chose the ex. FML

#20046039
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22515) - you deserved it (3741)

On 08/28/2012 at 10:16am - love - by tutusaurus - United States (California)

Today, my sister was taking forever in the bathroom, and I jokingly threatened to kick down the door. I rammed into it, and it actually bust almost off its hinges. My sister screamed and our parents came running. Now I'm grounded forever and our bathroom has no door. FML

#21040628
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22514) - you deserved it (42118)

On 01/26/2014 at 1:20pm - misc - by shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that the only time I've ever been noticed by my classmates is when I brought cake for the potluck. FML

#14133320
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22512) - you deserved it (3008)

On 12/08/2010 at 4:55pm - misc - by Invisible - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML

#20142449
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22513) - you deserved it (1558)

On 11/01/2012 at 1:08am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

#13154158
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22510) - you deserved it (3599)

On 09/22/2010 at 8:11am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Japan

Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML

#20022923
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22510) - you deserved it (3906)

On 08/15/2012 at 5:14pm - misc - by ShowerStar (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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