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Today, While I was running around the block I had this urge to spit. Suddenly I noticed this beautiful girl running in front me. Trying to impress her, I smiled and by mistake drooled everything on the pavement. She wasn't impressed. FML

#1299793
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11260) - you deserved it (40245)

On 04/24/2009 at 8:13pm - misc - by djteller (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

#4929895
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11260) - you deserved it (32052)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by pootythe5th (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was shopping in an upscale store. As I was changing, I heard one of the snobby saleswomen say to mine "You shouldn't bother. She isn't going to buy anything." Determined to "show her", I purchased everything I'd tried on. It came to around $500. My credit card was declined. FML

#1315447
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11257) - you deserved it (57699)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:49am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the pipe in the dining room sink suddenly broke open and in about 15 minutes my entire apartment was turned into an indoor swimming pool. The worst part? I was there the entire time, playing video games with my headphones on. FML

#16205255
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11257) - you deserved it (38784)

On 05/16/2011 at 12:04pm - misc - by o.v. (man) - Bangladesh

Today, I was walking with my very attractive friend who I like a lot. She then told me that her roomate wouldn't be home tonight, and if I wanted, I could come over and study history. I didn't get it. I told her no thanks, that I was covered, and it was chem I needed to study. An hour later, I understood. FML

#5173603
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11254) - you deserved it (66441)

On 09/10/2009 at 7:17pm - love - by itisthedude (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb. FML

#6392030
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11254) - you deserved it (28029)

On 11/21/2009 at 6:21pm - health - by MrZach (man) - United States

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

#17821676
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11254) - you deserved it (72248)

On 09/24/2011 at 2:47pm - misc - by essay2 - United States (California)

Today, after working out and feeling really confident, I entered a mixed wrestling competition. My first match was against a woman who was over a foot taller than me. She managed to easily lift me over her head and toss me out of the ring within seconds. Confidence: gone. FML

#20160946
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11254) - you deserved it (4884)

On 11/12/2012 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

#6971032
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11251) - you deserved it (24084)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

#20505985
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11250) - you deserved it (49978)

On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I parked downtown for a few minutes to pick up a pizza. As I was getting out of my car, a sketchy guy came up and asked me for $5. I told him to get lost and walked away. I walked back to the lot with my pizza and my car was gone. The sketchy guy was a parking attendent. He had my car towed. FML

#1251625
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11248) - you deserved it (62016)

On 04/23/2009 at 9:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom; I'd completely lost focus and fallen asleep while taking a shit. FML

#14326550
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11246) - you deserved it (21011)

On 12/24/2010 at 6:49pm - love - by Username - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

#7771404
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11241) - you deserved it (1619)

On 02/01/2010 at 2:31am - intimacy - by ocroyalty (woman) - United States (California)



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