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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML

#13167367
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11053) - you deserved it (42623)

On 09/23/2010 at 7:01am - misc - by nackpattywhackgiveadogabone (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

#4903891
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11050) - you deserved it (60029)

On 08/29/2009 at 11:13am - love - by coolhand (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, b*tch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML

#13827261
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11049) - you deserved it (48253)

On 11/13/2010 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost my key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later, I found my key. In my pocket. FML

#3929257
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11043) - you deserved it (52344)

On 07/21/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

#52319
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11039) - you deserved it (69781)

On 02/16/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by jwz (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

#5180905
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11036) - you deserved it (33844)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:23am - love - by suzanneallen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML

#429939
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11032) - you deserved it (54089)

On 03/17/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by natalieeee (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

#20062588
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11033) - you deserved it (25582)

On 09/08/2012 at 12:03am - intimacy - by sasquatch (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that an inspired gardening spree is not as fulfilling as some would have us believe. One punctured hand, cactussed foot and bruised ankle later, I'm beginning to regret waking up this morning and thinking, "What the hell, I'll nuke the shit out of some weeds." FML

Today, my physics teacher asked who had implants. I raised my hand. Then he asked me to show him the implants. Shocked at his request I called him a perv. I later discovered he meant dental implants as he was teaching x rays not breast implants. FML

#232961
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11016) - you deserved it (105228)

On 03/07/2009 at 8:40am - misc - by Noname - Pakistan (Islamabad)

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

#17531904
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11011) - you deserved it (39472)

On 08/20/2011 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by owmyhead (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother bought me some « biodegradable » tissues. Indeed, they melted… in my hand. FML

#686
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11010) - you deserved it (1171)

On 01/02/2009 at 9:12pm - misc - by mc - Sent from mobile version

Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

#16571966
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11008) - you deserved it (36404)

On 06/09/2011 at 12:21am - intimacy - by Liz - United States (District of Columbia)



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