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Today, my husband informed me that his father adopted a dog. I replied "Cool," he then said, "She happens to have your name." I think my father in law is trying to send me a message. FML

by Florida / 10/27/2010 at 2:46pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, while at training with several of my co-workers, I realized I was the only woman. The only thing one of them said to me the entire day was "DUDE!" while staring at my chest as I took my coat off in the morning. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 9:15pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

by just great... / 02/22/2011 at 3:38am / Love

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

by penguins / 11/12/2010 at 7:30pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 8:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

by I quit / 11/18/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I went into my classroom to find a bag of shit on my desk with a note saying, "Thanks for failing me b*tch!" FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2012 at 12:59am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

by not a dumbass pothead / 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "The next person who talks gets a note to take home," one kid looked right at me and went "meow". FML

by Liz / 01/09/2009 at 3:54am / Kids

Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed: standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my brand new car. FML

by Coldflame / 03/06/2010 at 10:22am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

by cannabis_this420 / 03/16/2009 at 9:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2010 at 8:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

by tireedddddd / 11/25/2011 at 11:24am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous