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Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML

#21150371
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22987) - you deserved it (50609)

On 05/24/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by groundedasfuck - United States (Alabama)

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

#453
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22985) - you deserved it (3143)

On 12/05/2008 at 7:49am - work - by Macdaddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

#6467365
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22985) - you deserved it (6739)

On 11/26/2009 at 7:26pm - misc - by anniecook (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

#20141826
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22985) - you deserved it (1548)

On 10/31/2012 at 5:03pm - work - by SoSoRachel - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

#20156759
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22983) - you deserved it (4012)

On 11/09/2012 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at a concert, I noticed a cute keytarist in one of the bands. After they got off stage, I asked their bass player if she was single. He replied, "actually, she's married," holding up his left hand, he continued, "to me." FML

#1215114
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22979) - you deserved it (43427)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by fastfingers409 - United States (California)

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

#14090215
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22981) - you deserved it (10603)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML

#19254143
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22979) - you deserved it (3966)

On 03/10/2012 at 10:06pm - health - by jmac (man) - United States (California)

Today, I replaced my car's windscreen wipers, after someone stole the last pair. After I finished, I went indoors for a drink. When I returned, the new ones had been stolen too. FML

#19678491
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22979) - you deserved it (1938)

On 05/25/2012 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15 minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

#7364285
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22978) - you deserved it (5966)

On 01/15/2010 at 7:44pm - misc - by Bali_Boil (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML

#18336172
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22978) - you deserved it (9410)

On 11/24/2011 at 11:06am - misc - by swirkishly - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

#19997037
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22979) - you deserved it (15722)

On 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I met my daughter's boyfriend, who she hopes to marry. I asked what he does, to which he answered, "I'm a Flamencologist." Flamencology? The study of Flamenco? Huh? FML

#14838369
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22977) - you deserved it (6393)

On 02/04/2011 at 10:01am - kids - by dancer101 (woman) - United States



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