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Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

#7923613
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17762) - you deserved it (5057)

On 02/06/2010 at 12:31am - intimacy - by Isabell (woman) - Australia

Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

#3664691
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17759) - you deserved it (65102)

On 07/11/2009 at 11:13am - intimacy - by crazyt446 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

#8582830
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17756) - you deserved it (2642)

On 02/23/2010 at 6:52am - intimacy - by Cromwel620 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

#3171595
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17754) - you deserved it (100810)

On 06/24/2009 at 11:33am - love - by steven (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML

#14796617
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17754) - you deserved it (37703)

On 02/01/2011 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by theshameofit (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

#20154549
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17754) - you deserved it (3987)

On 11/08/2012 at 12:49am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

#5325654
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17746) - you deserved it (44604)

On 09/18/2009 at 12:29am - animals - by Poowee (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend told his parents about my bondage fetish. In front of me. FML

#6952293
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17746) - you deserved it (3175)

On 12/26/2009 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to pay my bus fare in very small change. After carefully counting out coins under the withering glares of a bus-load of people, I quickly slid them into the machine, and somehow ended up jamming it. FML

#20112067
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17745) - you deserved it (4130)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:49pm - money - by iblamethetories - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

#17959088
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17744) - you deserved it (21559)

On 10/11/2011 at 10:51am - intimacy - by CC (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

#20031031
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17742) - you deserved it (5853)

On 08/20/2012 at 12:03am - misc - by Cottagecheeseha (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I withdrew €40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML

#15230586
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17740) - you deserved it (37366)

On 03/07/2011 at 4:38pm - money - by booooo (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, after a particularly gruesome nightmare about spiders due to my irrational phobia, I decided to try and desensitise myself by googling 'house spiders'. I can't stop the feeling of something crawling over every inch of my body, but at least I now know they can live up to six years. FML

#8700237
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17739) - you deserved it (6381)

On 02/27/2010 at 9:03pm - health - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom (York)



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