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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I learned how to use a fire extinguisher. Too bad it was on my brand new oven. FML

#18638561
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21879) - you deserved it (4036)

On 12/28/2011 at 9:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I have been left home alone, the electricity has cut out, and I am petrified of the dark. I am stuck downstairs making karate noises every few minutes to scare off creepers. FML

#19292918
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21879) - you deserved it (12258)

On 03/17/2012 at 8:45am - misc - by belieber101 - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

#20094121
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21878) - you deserved it (1769)

On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

#13070220
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21876) - you deserved it (17922)

On 09/16/2010 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

#20008728
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21877) - you deserved it (2409)

On 08/08/2012 at 12:19am - money - by Heinz (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

#15464639
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21875) - you deserved it (9440)

On 03/24/2011 at 10:46am - misc - by FckMyLife (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my lovely amazing boyfriend likes to pee in everything other than the toilet. This includes: Hawaiian punch jugs, the sink, empty cans/bottles and out of my window. FML

#19514885
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21875) - you deserved it (3177)

On 04/23/2012 at 12:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

#19797072
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21874) - you deserved it (4853)

On 06/16/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Schaf_12 (man) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

#20103865
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21872) - you deserved it (1526)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:12am - health - by monkers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

#20442057
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21868) - you deserved it (2204)

On 01/04/2013 at 1:12am - love - by Tiffosaur - United States

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21868) - you deserved it (48745)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

#19343109
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21865) - you deserved it (1757)

On 03/25/2012 at 3:12am - misc - by LesToiliettes - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

#19990341
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21864) - you deserved it (2935)

On 07/29/2012 at 4:11am - kids - by ellieowenie - Australia (New South Wales)



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