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Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML

by LoLWut?? nd Why?? / 04/16/2013 at 12:01am / United States / Money

Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 5:02pm / Bulgaria (Sofiya) / Health

Today, my elbow was having cramps and movement issues as a result of an old set of surgical pins and wires that are being rejected by my body. One painful twitch caused my arm to lock out straight, unintentionally slapping my hand into my co-worker's crotch. Our waiting customers giggled. FML

by SApprentice / 12/04/2012 at 2:10am / United States (Virginia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

by tylah / 06/23/2012 at 11:11am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

by MyBallsForSaleOnEbay / 08/21/2015 at 11:25am / Malta / Kids

Today, I found out my bank charged me $50 for not having any money. Way to go bank, way to go. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2015 at 9:21pm / Canada / Money

Today, after going to the doctor to have him look at a rash on my man bits, I asked him how to get rid of the redness. He shrugged and said: "Don't worry, nobody will see it other than you and me." He's right. FML

by argh / 03/12/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2012 at 12:17am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

by ouch / 02/25/2009 at 6:29pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called the landlord about the mouse I keep seeing in my kitchen. He wasted no time accusing me of keeping it as a pet, and went off on me about his "no pets" policy. FML

by brokeass / 06/13/2012 at 8:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the only reason my ex husband calls my son anymore, is to ask him to send him things on Facebook. FML

by mommy / 03/14/2010 at 4:14pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was walking to work, when I slipped and landed on my tail bone. Worse still, my hot coffee went flying into my face. I currently can't see out of my left eye. FML

by corleon198425 / 02/19/2010 at 1:44pm / United States / Health

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

by jaderie / 04/21/2012 at 5:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous