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Today, I walked out of my house wearing only boxers, only to be greeted by kids with paintball guns. FML

by Username / 08/11/2011 at 12:53am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to be a gentleman and let an old lady have my seat on the bus. Before I could even get up, she sat on my lap and wouldn't get off. I got an involuntary lap dance from a grandma. FML

Today, I realised that I've never been able to successfully cook a meal outside of World of Warcraft. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2013 at 3:25pm / Thailand (Nonthaburi) / Geek

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2012 at 9:10pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

by scaryhairy / 11/03/2009 at 8:44pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

by Coccinelle / 02/05/2016 at 11:36am / France / Work

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

by Stuby14 / 11/23/2015 at 9:31am / United States (South Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, someone switched my hairspray with bug spray when I didn't notice. I used it. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2010 at 9:16am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2011 at 2:19am / Korea Republic of (Ulsan-gwangyoksi) / Love

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

by jccwell / 09/23/2011 at 12:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

by pop, pop / 05/08/2015 at 11:44am / United States (California) / Work

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

by Ennui / 02/20/2010 at 2:12pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy