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Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17370) - you deserved it (29738)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML

#20105161
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17369) - you deserved it (4408)

On 10/07/2012 at 1:03am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I'd stayed up all night to finish a detailed report. By the time I'd printed it I was late for work so I jumped in my car. Driving down the street, I saw my papers fly off the roof of my car. It was raining out. FML

#20112748
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17366) - you deserved it (7004)

On 10/11/2012 at 9:51pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I let my friend bleach my hair, which resulted in it falling out in clumps. I spent $150 at the beauty salon fixing it and cutting most of it off. I sent the pictures of my new hair to my friends, and I got the same reply from each and every one of them: "That better be a wig." FML

#20463998
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17366) - you deserved it (26454)

On 01/17/2013 at 2:53am - misc - by goodlord12 (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML

#20086255
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17354) - you deserved it (2017)

On 09/24/2012 at 3:18am - health - by AnxietyGirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

#20116789
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17349) - you deserved it (1257)

On 10/14/2012 at 4:36pm - health - by oppafucktardstyle (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

#13278835
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17348) - you deserved it (41204)

On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving and noticed a police car parked in a spot reserved for the handicapped. I stopped my car and got out to take a picture. The cop gave me a ticket for parking in the road. FML

Today, I tested a new drug designed to fight headaches. It had quite an effect on me, more specifically side effects: nausea, dizzyness and diarrhea. FML

#579
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17340) - you deserved it (4203)

On 12/23/2008 at 3:57am - health - by blabla - Sent from mobile version

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

#4379475
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17338) - you deserved it (75006)

On 08/08/2009 at 3:18am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

#19847673
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17337) - you deserved it (5622)

On 06/25/2012 at 10:59pm - misc - by hearingthings (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

#1739978
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17330) - you deserved it (36440)

On 05/08/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

#17150480
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17330) - you deserved it (34422)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by CaoiiBieber - Ireland



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