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Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding". This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML

#18095179
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25357) - you deserved it (2455)

On 10/28/2011 at 7:50am - misc - by -__- - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got fired from my nannying job because one of the mom's several boyfriends mentioned that he found me attractive. FML

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

#14120407
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25356) - you deserved it (2740)

On 12/07/2010 at 2:12pm - misc - by rattness (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

#12910984
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25356) - you deserved it (4618)

On 09/05/2010 at 12:44am - kids - by kaytay2469 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

#21442630
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25354) - you deserved it (4686)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:22pm - misc - by Boneo and Juliet - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

#5309221
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25353) - you deserved it (83291)

On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

#20159285
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25352) - you deserved it (11067)

On 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm - love - by notalovestory (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

#204444
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25351) - you deserved it (110653)

On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25351) - you deserved it (6156)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I bought medical gloves to protect my hands from various chemicals at work since I have eczema. I had an allergic reaction to the gloves, and now my eczema is even worse. FML

#19336700
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25351) - you deserved it (2719)

On 03/24/2012 at 1:41am - health - by retyi43 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML

#21492969
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25351) - you deserved it (3761)

On 11/15/2015 at 9:34pm - misc - by Potted - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

#19817936
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25350) - you deserved it (6307)

On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

#7378045
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25350) - you deserved it (11843)

On 01/16/2010 at 1:16pm - misc - by queenofdeath - Israel (Tel Aviv)



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