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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

#16432194
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21335) - you deserved it (65386)

On 05/31/2011 at 7:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants by my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML

#6211440
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21333) - you deserved it (12517)

On 11/08/2009 at 12:50pm - misc - by lauren_rox (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML

#8989012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21332) - you deserved it (2414)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:30am - animals - by stuckathome (man) - United States

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21331) - you deserved it (47905)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I asked my boss if I could have a bigger cubicle. I'm now working in one that is half the size of my old one. FML

#19457706
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21329) - you deserved it (6172)

On 04/12/2012 at 8:37pm - work - by hatemyboss - United States (California)

Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML

#20440111
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21328) - you deserved it (22570)

On 01/03/2013 at 1:47am - love - by Brad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

#14825880
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21325) - you deserved it (10106)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:02pm - misc - by ColdMN (man) - United States

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

#14637512
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21322) - you deserved it (3460)

On 01/19/2011 at 9:55am - work - by tgpgs -

Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML

Today, I found out that my most amazing spring break ever, will be spent stuck on a ship with my ex. It's been almost two years, and he still isn't over me. Yay. This cruise shall be fun. FML

#8542819
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21317) - you deserved it (5572)

On 02/22/2010 at 1:31am - love - by nomoresbfun (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

#5876173
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21316) - you deserved it (2206)

On 10/18/2009 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

#8956566
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21316) - you deserved it (2445)

On 03/09/2010 at 9:07pm - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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