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Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

#20124147
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10915) - you deserved it (25399)

On 10/19/2012 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Jihomoravsky kraj)

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

#123321
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10914) - you deserved it (40321)

On 02/24/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by lifesucks (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. At the end of the night I got a cab ride home. I must have passed out because when I woke up I wasn’t at my place, but my parent’s house, which is the address on my license…120 miles away. The fare was $220. FML

#5223643
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10913) - you deserved it (38460)

On 09/13/2009 at 4:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

#20517994
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10911) - you deserved it (44120)

On 02/22/2013 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

#5655008
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10909) - you deserved it (33594)

On 10/05/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Painful (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

#998
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10908) - you deserved it (4573)

On 01/12/2009 at 10:56am - misc - by ana9 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wore a beautiful new dress that I got for £5 only in a sale. I've been turning heads in it all day. When I got home, my mum pulled the massive red £5 tag off of the back. FML

#5620277
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10907) - you deserved it (33117)

On 10/03/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Adalia (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML

#5947119
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10901) - you deserved it (24609)

On 10/22/2009 at 6:22pm - health - by Bunni (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

#5636942
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10895) - you deserved it (38681)

On 10/04/2009 at 3:50am - animals - by Rizzle (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

#5679809
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10885) - you deserved it (38350)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:01am - health - by ticked (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

#13158298
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10884) - you deserved it (20954)

On 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm - misc - by artmfanforever - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

#5942193
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10881) - you deserved it (29636)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:26am - misc - by Kimberly - Sent from mobile version

Today, I finally met the guy I've been talking to online for a year. I'd dropped 10lbs off my weight. He'd shaved 20 years off his age. FML

#11364418
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10880) - you deserved it (26688)

On 06/21/2010 at 8:27pm - love - by keisha89 (woman) - United States



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