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Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

#16847763
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17469) - you deserved it (61314)

On 06/25/2011 at 9:39am - kids - by beekeke45 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

#18028228
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17467) - you deserved it (8081)

On 10/20/2011 at 12:05am - misc - by Helmet (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

#19016688
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17457) - you deserved it (6150)

On 02/07/2012 at 7:04am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I finally summed up the courage to break up with my abusively controlling girlfriend. I don't know what I was thinking, but instead of leaving as a free man, I left as an engaged one. FML

#19705817
363 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17452) - you deserved it (42660)

On 05/30/2012 at 6:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, my granddad had to start sleeping in my bedroom. He has flashback dreams to when he was a boxer, and he's already lamped my granny three times in his sleep. I get a camp-bed, and the chance to listen to him snore like a wild boar. FML

#19152367
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17451) - you deserved it (1777)

On 02/24/2012 at 6:36am - misc - by Lovernotafighter (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

#2053
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17449) - you deserved it (2049)

On 01/21/2009 at 12:03pm - love - by maddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was getting picked up by my dad after I had been swimming. I saw his car, so I walked over to it, got in and started talking about how I'd seen my brother. It wasn't until after I had put my seat belt on that I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

#13097397
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17448) - you deserved it (24992)

On 09/18/2010 at 10:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, I found out how stupid my girlfriend really is. She saw my room for the first time and started yelling at me, calling me racist, white trash for having a Confederate flag hanging on my wall. It's a British flag. FML

#21180829
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17449) - you deserved it (1985)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by EmptyGlass (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

#19265629
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17444) - you deserved it (8145)

On 03/12/2012 at 5:45pm - misc - by anonamous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML

#19274332
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17441) - you deserved it (5724)

On 03/13/2012 at 10:32pm - work - by Simms (man) - United States

Today, and for the third time this week, my bank manager called me to tell me that my account is still overdrawn. He doesn't seem to understand that my wages always get paid at the end of the month. FML

#488
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17438) - you deserved it (4232)

On 12/10/2008 at 6:09am - money - by dmlk - Sent from mobile version

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

#20115007
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17438) - you deserved it (1377)

On 10/13/2012 at 1:32pm - misc - by bubblebuttfuckfart (woman) - Ireland

Today, I acted like I always do when I'm alone in my seemingly sound-proof apartment. I sang loudly, talked back to the TV, used my vibrator. Later, in the silence of the night, I heard my neighbor next door YAWNING. FML

#14575088
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17436) - you deserved it (30780)

On 01/14/2011 at 4:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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