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Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

#7336575
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16763) - you deserved it (3705)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:47am - intimacy - by Jaayoung23 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went on a blind date for coffee. He was smart, good looking, and friendly. While we were talking about our respective families it became abundantly clear that I have heard these stories before. I realized that 6 months earlier I had been dumped by his brother after sleeping with him. FML

Today, I talked to my crush for twenty minutes at Wal-mart. Then I realized I forgot to take off my Weight Watchers meeting nametag. FML

#6242607
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16754) - you deserved it (23144)

On 11/10/2009 at 12:53pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

#16429286
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16749) - you deserved it (34278)

On 05/31/2011 at 12:51am - love - by romantic84 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML

#2412589
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16748) - you deserved it (41175)

On 05/29/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by pissingcontest (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

#17762644
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16747) - you deserved it (46999)

On 09/17/2011 at 4:17am - love - by Anonymous - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, one of my regulars approached me at work, arms extended for a hug. He's always in a bad mood, so I figured for once he wasn't grumpy and I enthusiastically hugged him. Turns out he was just stretching his arms. He told me I was crazy and pretty much ran out of my store. FML

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

#20104274
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16742) - you deserved it (1945)

On 10/06/2012 at 1:09pm - work - by The Last Cockbender (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML

#20430472
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16735) - you deserved it (32187)

On 12/29/2012 at 6:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, in a rush to get ready, I put on some "sexy" panties that I bought years ago. By the second hour of work, they were so tight and uncomfortable, I had to cut slits up the sides to avoid cutting off the circulation to my legs. FML

#19083998
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16726) - you deserved it (11996)

On 02/15/2012 at 6:26am - health - by too tight (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

#20138654
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16725) - you deserved it (4242)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

#891545
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16721) - you deserved it (52278)

On 04/09/2009 at 8:13pm - work - by ohhhman (woman) - United States

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

#19802218
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16716) - you deserved it (1916)

On 06/17/2012 at 3:38pm - work - by Megan (woman) - United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot)



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