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Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

#6612608
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19764) - you deserved it (2594)

On 12/05/2009 at 4:07am - intimacy - by lastalittlelonger (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a second date with a guy I really liked, and we started chatting over dinner. That's when he told me about his paranoia, and how he's unsure if I'm out to get him or not. FML

#19747527
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19762) - you deserved it (1937)

On 06/07/2012 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore

Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML

#20149952
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19758) - you deserved it (3165)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:42am - love - by cowgirl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

#20154142
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19758) - you deserved it (2097)

On 11/07/2012 at 8:41pm - misc - by ohcrap (man) - United States

Today, my friend showed me a creepy piece of artwork he'd drawn. I laughed and said that it would give me nightmares, meaning it as a compliment. Turns out, this one was in honor of his dead grandmother, who'd raised him. FML

#18912127
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19757) - you deserved it (9215)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I missed multiple calls from the company I applied to. That was the supervisor calling, wanting to hire me. I then remembered my idiotic voicemail I made months ago where I pretended to answer and say stupid stuff for 5 minutes. I don't think I'm going to get the job. FML

#20627029
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19757) - you deserved it (49837)

On 04/28/2013 at 5:09am - work - by stupid voicemails - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML

#225953
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19750) - you deserved it (61209)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by ToobyFrank - United States (Missouri)

Today, the girl I've secretly loved for years finally noticed me. That is, after I ran over her foot with my truck. FML

#20065697
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19749) - you deserved it (6407)

On 09/10/2012 at 12:26am - love - by Disappointed (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

#2777
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19745) - you deserved it (24818)

On 01/27/2009 at 6:22am - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not letting her keep the 75 cents that she stole from my truck. FML

#15144995
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19745) - you deserved it (46441)

On 02/27/2011 at 10:23pm - money - by Anonymous -

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

#590
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19743) - you deserved it (9074)

On 12/24/2008 at 8:54pm - love - by Marou - Sent from mobile version

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

#20089247
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19740) - you deserved it (1552)

On 09/26/2012 at 6:30am - misc - by dontrapeme - United States

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

#19129849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19736) - you deserved it (2479)

On 02/21/2012 at 7:44am - misc - by mishie1 (woman) - United States



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