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Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

#19002086
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18484) - you deserved it (4506)

On 02/05/2012 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I reached into my pocket and found my mom's car keys. I'm a four hour drive away, and she obviously can't come to pick them up. FML

#13606061
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18480) - you deserved it (6426)

On 10/26/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by DriveMeNot (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

#6030769
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18478) - you deserved it (3223)

On 10/27/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by timmynotjimmy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

#6574517
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18477) - you deserved it (10308)

On 12/02/2009 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, on the brink of a stiflingly hot summer, I've come to a terrible realisation. It seems the apartment I've just moved into has been specially insulated to trap enough heat inside for the occupants to survive the planet's next Ice Age. FML

#19678999
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18477) - you deserved it (2076)

On 05/25/2012 at 3:55pm - misc - by Broon (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

#1751
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18477) - you deserved it (3295)

On 01/19/2009 at 12:59pm - love - by lovekills99 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had a conversation with another patient in my gyno's waiting room. It was about her getting pregnant in a truck while passed out drunk, her therapist's frequent use of a "For Dummies" books, and how she had waxed and oiled everything to impress our doctor. FML

#19306262
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18474) - you deserved it (2054)

On 03/19/2012 at 6:37am - misc - by PatientInWaiting (woman) - United States

Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML

#20093571
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18476) - you deserved it (1328)

On 09/29/2012 at 12:32pm - health - by firebombtimEFUCKERS (man) - United States

Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML

#20079245
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18471) - you deserved it (3089)

On 09/19/2012 at 1:25pm - love - by MT (woman) - Finland

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with a hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we get out of my car, she starts sprinting to get out of the rain. I run to catch up and slip on a metal plate, and do a reverse superman onto my ass. FML

#8220322
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18467) - you deserved it (4939)

On 02/13/2010 at 8:04pm - misc - by Decker (man) - United States (California)

Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML

#18755712
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18467) - you deserved it (4161)

On 01/09/2012 at 9:56am - health - by naagodinho (man) - Portugal

Today, I'm a 23 year old girl who often has to wear two pairs of socks. I don't have four feet, but I have no boobs. FML

#1019
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18467) - you deserved it (5215)

On 01/13/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by carrie - Algeria



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