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Today, working at a daycare centre, when packing up the kids' beds after sleep time, I slipped and landed in a puddle. Of urine. I had no spare pants. I had to wear them for the rest of my shift. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2011 at 7:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML

by emonsteadman / 05/28/2012 at 10:05am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

by Smeagogole / 07/02/2015 at 12:30am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a window seat on a bus full of people when I saw a person lying motionless in a gutter. I jumped up, nearly hysterical, screaming for the driver to stop because there was a guy really hurt on the road. An emergency stop and huge commotion ensued. It turned out to be some garbage. FML

by nextstopplz / 04/07/2009 at 4:47am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend heard a great quote about not letting anyone drag her down. She took it to mean, "break up with your boyfriend." FML

by GoldCyclone / 07/11/2015 at 1:47pm / United States (Iowa) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad and I were in the car when a rabbit scurried across the road, just missing us. My dad turned and said to me, "Well, it's good we didn't hit him. He gets to live another day." I then looked in the rear view mirror to see the rabbit running away from the cross traffic, only to be hit by the car behind us. FML

by bunnylover / 03/15/2010 at 12:44pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

by arose / 09/08/2010 at 12:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2012 at 7:04pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML

by bellsucker / 08/04/2012 at 6:15pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML

by WTF / 09/11/2015 at 8:54pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

by ninjapup / 01/01/2010 at 11:40pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2012 at 7:37am / United States / Kids

Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML

by kaplwv116 / 06/26/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Health