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Today, my mother bought me some « biodegradable » tissues. Indeed, they melted… in my hand. FML

#686
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11017) - you deserved it (1172)

On 01/02/2009 at 9:12pm - misc - by mc - Sent from mobile version

Today, my physics teacher asked who had implants. I raised my hand. Then he asked me to show him the implants. Shocked at his request I called him a perv. I later discovered he meant dental implants as he was teaching x rays not breast implants. FML

#232961
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11016) - you deserved it (105249)

On 03/07/2009 at 8:40am - misc - by Noname - Pakistan (Islamabad)

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

#17531904
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11014) - you deserved it (39475)

On 08/20/2011 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by owmyhead (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

#8555278
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11011) - you deserved it (18786)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm - misc - by sacked (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

#2774700
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11008) - you deserved it (64014)

On 06/10/2009 at 3:42pm - work - by crosseyed (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

#16571966
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11007) - you deserved it (36412)

On 06/09/2011 at 12:21am - intimacy - by Liz - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, as I was walking home, I passed some little girls who threw a bunch of snowballs at me. I dodged every single one, ran away laughing, and gave them the finger. I then ran into a snowman. FML

#14727355
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10996) - you deserved it (39894)

On 01/27/2011 at 12:19am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

#19927767
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10987) - you deserved it (21063)

On 07/12/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by hot coffee - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

#18774764
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10983) - you deserved it (28246)

On 01/11/2012 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Dockin (man) - India

Today, while at work as a cashier, I tried to be sweet and ID an elderly man buying a bottle of wine. He responded by calling me a "blind-ass bitch" and calling my manager for "harassing" him. FML

#19552160
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10978) - you deserved it (22217)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:24am - work - by zomg - United States (Florida)

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

#17067732
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10976) - you deserved it (47515)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm - kids - by dummy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML

#1018681
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10972) - you deserved it (99943)

On 04/16/2009 at 12:21pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out the electric bill I have been paying was on my old house. I found this out when they shut off the power to my house. FML

#8988720
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10970) - you deserved it (15401)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:18am - money - by secret - United States (Minnesota)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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