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Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

#16374893
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10916) - you deserved it (55229)

On 05/27/2011 at 4:57pm - misc - by FMLer (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

#7025515
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10915) - you deserved it (1915)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

#20124147
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10913) - you deserved it (25390)

On 10/19/2012 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Jihomoravsky kraj)

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. At the end of the night I got a cab ride home. I must have passed out because when I woke up I wasn’t at my place, but my parent’s house, which is the address on my license…120 miles away. The fare was $220. FML

#5223643
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10912) - you deserved it (38460)

On 09/13/2009 at 4:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

#123321
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10910) - you deserved it (40318)

On 02/24/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by lifesucks (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

#20517994
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10909) - you deserved it (44117)

On 02/22/2013 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

#5655008
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10908) - you deserved it (33594)

On 10/05/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Painful (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

#998
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10908) - you deserved it (4571)

On 01/12/2009 at 10:56am - misc - by ana9 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wore a beautiful new dress that I got for £5 only in a sale. I've been turning heads in it all day. When I got home, my mum pulled the massive red £5 tag off of the back. FML

#5620277
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10904) - you deserved it (33117)

On 10/03/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Adalia (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML

#5947119
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10899) - you deserved it (24609)

On 10/22/2009 at 6:22pm - health - by Bunni (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

#5636942
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10890) - you deserved it (38676)

On 10/04/2009 at 3:50am - animals - by Rizzle (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

#5679809
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10885) - you deserved it (38348)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:01am - health - by ticked (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

#13158298
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10884) - you deserved it (20953)

On 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm - misc - by artmfanforever - United States (Nebraska)



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