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Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML

#8973214
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21200) - you deserved it (3593)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Jamie - United States (Florida)

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

#20158312
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21199) - you deserved it (2910)

On 11/11/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Danny - United States (Utah)

Today, the only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. FML

#13650212
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21196) - you deserved it (11622)

On 10/30/2010 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Shelly - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

#18733573
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21196) - you deserved it (40962)

On 01/07/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Danny - Australia

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21192) - you deserved it (37771)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I was working out at the gym doing squats. There was a girl there that I wanted to impress so I loaded up the bar with a lot of weight and began to do my squat. As I was going down I farted so loud that I began to laugh and fell backwards. Everyone in the room just stared at me. FML

#697920
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21190) - you deserved it (70989)

On 03/30/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Mark (man) - United States

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

#20957289
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21190) - you deserved it (42826)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn't see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML

#19214388
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21189) - you deserved it (3708)

On 03/04/2012 at 2:36pm - health - by breebree-0 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML

#12162115
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21188) - you deserved it (2508)

On 07/28/2010 at 7:42am - work - by HM (man) - United States (Armed Forces Pacific)

Today, I got engaged. My family is already placing bets on how long it will take for my fiancée to "wise up and ditch" me. FML

#20077487
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21187) - you deserved it (1948)

On 09/18/2012 at 7:22am - love - by thanksfamily (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was so bored that I spent two hours researching the history of spoons. FML

#19293540
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21184) - you deserved it (7032)

On 03/17/2012 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML

#593537
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21183) - you deserved it (77641)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I bought weed for the first time. The dealer was an undercover cop. FML



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