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Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

#6664600
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15002) - you deserved it (33007)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by 2old4thiscrap (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

#5542217
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15001) - you deserved it (34925)

On 09/29/2009 at 1:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML

#19674357
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14997) - you deserved it (1716)

On 05/24/2012 at 6:39pm - misc - by Notasinner (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

#1652768
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14987) - you deserved it (91260)

On 05/05/2009 at 1:43am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

#20016166
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14983) - you deserved it (9294)

On 08/12/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by FlorenceD - United States (Texas)

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

#16689937
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14971) - you deserved it (211701)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:20am - intimacy - by crushed dreams - United States

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

#7025515
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14963) - you deserved it (2515)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

#4789213
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14958) - you deserved it (53136)

On 08/24/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by InTheDoghouse23 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

#5759678
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14956) - you deserved it (45241)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:22pm - misc - by sostupid - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my mom insisted on putting sunscreen on me. I closed my eyes and shut my mouth while she rubbed some on my face. Halfway through, I burped. I opened my mouth just in time to get a large glob of sunscreen in it. FML

#16851890
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14955) - you deserved it (32328)

On 06/25/2011 at 3:58pm - health - by Unberable (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I broke my arm, and posted a picture of my X-ray on Facebook to show everyone how bad the break is. Nobody even asked me if I was OK. FML

#18724146
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14953) - you deserved it (34451)

On 01/06/2012 at 5:27am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at lunch, I told a bunch of people how I had been in love with this guy since freshman year. I made a bunch of jokes about how I was going to marry him and our kids would be so attractive. He was at the table next to mine and looked back at me as soon as I finished. FML

#2341
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14951) - you deserved it (14347)

On 01/23/2009 at 12:31pm - love - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

#20055992
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14950) - you deserved it (4043)

On 09/03/2012 at 4:20pm - health - by frustrated (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)



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