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Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

#19781489
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23881) - you deserved it (3258)

On 06/13/2012 at 10:50am - work - by lonelyharts86 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML

#21409639
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23881) - you deserved it (9656)

On 05/13/2015 at 7:19pm - health - by windthroughmyflab - United States

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

#17957151
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23881) - you deserved it (2121)

On 10/11/2011 at 12:52am - misc - by nodad - United States

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

#19344885
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23880) - you deserved it (4113)

On 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

#20122439
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23881) - you deserved it (2909)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:26pm - health - by murp (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

#19146021
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23877) - you deserved it (3985)

On 02/23/2012 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML

#21425869
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23877) - you deserved it (2290)

On 06/14/2015 at 9:31am - misc - by queenbee - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

#13933361
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23872) - you deserved it (3177)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

#13459944
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23866) - you deserved it (3275)

On 10/15/2010 at 3:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

#19148327
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23866) - you deserved it (4333)

On 02/23/2012 at 6:52pm - misc - by Veryfunny (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my pop-tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

#21369280
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23865) - you deserved it (18474)

On 03/06/2015 at 12:41pm - work - by f*ck (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

#19991371
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23863) - you deserved it (6131)

On 07/29/2012 at 8:25pm - misc - by oops (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got disappointed when I realized that I had to share a bed with my husband because we had company over. FML

#21389862
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23863) - you deserved it (17545)

On 04/08/2015 at 6:52am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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