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Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

#14140366
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17492) - you deserved it (38531)

On 12/09/2010 at 7:31am - intimacy - by NeverDrinkingAgain - Canada

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

#18849422
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17492) - you deserved it (31451)

On 01/18/2012 at 11:09pm - intimacy - by Lickmylovepump (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

#1250715
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17491) - you deserved it (86908)

On 04/23/2009 at 7:42am - intimacy - by waitforit (man) - United States (California)

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

#21069793
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17490) - you deserved it (35879)

On 02/23/2014 at 9:22pm - health - by owmyfoot - United States (California)

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

#10707989
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17488) - you deserved it (25853)

On 05/23/2010 at 5:21am - misc - by Oops (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML

#62325
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17486) - you deserved it (46118)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by loser (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

#20100991
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17481) - you deserved it (2243)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:20am - animals - by acme - Israel

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML

#3279854
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17477) - you deserved it (57476)

On 06/27/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by jake (man) - Denmark (Frederiksborg)

Today, I bought my new electric razor. I tried it, and washed it. I started to shake it, in order to get rid of the water. It was pretty slippy, and it exploded on the floor of my bathroom. The warranty doesn't cover this, I guess. FML

#377
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17475) - you deserved it (7349)

On 11/23/2008 at 11:44am - money - by Ulysse - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I turned around in my cubicle to see the entire marketing department (myself excluded) getting ready to have lunch together. Nobody mentioned it to me. FML

#865
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17475) - you deserved it (1570)

On 01/08/2009 at 8:30am - work - by Webmonkey - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

#16847763
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17469) - you deserved it (61316)

On 06/25/2011 at 9:39am - kids - by beekeke45 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

#18028228
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17468) - you deserved it (8081)

On 10/20/2011 at 12:05am - misc - by Helmet (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

#19016688
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17459) - you deserved it (6151)

On 02/07/2012 at 7:04am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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