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Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

by Sad nerd / 01/05/2013 at 12:09pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up, I noticed a little button on the side. I pressed it and the toilet flushed. I've worked there for nine months and just found out today that our toilets don't flush automatically. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2014 at 10:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

by Master Debater / 02/01/2013 at 6:05am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

by single and unbuggered / 07/31/2015 at 5:04pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Love

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2010 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I noticed my ex was feeling down. We ended things on good terms and I've been wanting to start things up again, so I figured I'd bring him dinner to cheer him up and maybe hang out. Looks like he and his one night stand get to eat my home cooked food while I go home to Netflix. FML

by DramaticEmily / 03/02/2015 at 7:29pm / United States (Utah) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

by tryingtobepretty101 / 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for smiling and laughing too much. Last week, he reprimanded me for not smiling and laughing enough. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2015 at 10:25pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

by dramaqueen15 / 10/15/2015 at 10:38pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

by Lady_Luck / 03/25/2009 at 3:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2012 at 12:17am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little cousin was helping me wash my car. After scrubbing all the dirt, I gave him the hose and said, "Okay, now rinse off this disgusting thing." He turned the hose on me. FML

by ptarr12345 / 05/14/2015 at 12:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids