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Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

#21091940
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16465) - you deserved it (62448)

On 03/20/2014 at 5:03pm - misc - by screwed (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

#19499543
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16463) - you deserved it (9105)

On 04/20/2012 at 3:34am - misc - by Ashamed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a drunk girl asked me for directions to her hotel. I had just bought an empanada and was feeling good, so I agree to look up the address on my phone. Two minutes and a text charge later, I got the address. Out of inebriated glee, she hugged me and knocked the tasty empanada out of my hand. FML

#1108
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16459) - you deserved it (3737)

On 01/14/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Hungry - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend of 11 months told me that she's been faking her orgasms the whole time. Just to make me "proud" of myself. FML

#8074818
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16454) - you deserved it (4996)

On 02/10/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by evecamp - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend said we should re-enact a porn episode he saw. I jokingly said yes. He had an outfit and everything. I thought it was going to be fun, until he started playing Bon Jovi in the background. FML

#8910631
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16454) - you deserved it (5482)

On 03/08/2010 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Ah - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

#18561391
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16453) - you deserved it (52542)

On 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Arizona)

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy rush party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

#2350
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16444) - you deserved it (1548)

On 01/23/2009 at 2:13pm - love - by sleepy125 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in class when all of a sudden I was hit in the head by a metal pencil case. My teacher threw it at me to get my attention. FML

#14908981
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16441) - you deserved it (31079)

On 02/09/2011 at 1:02pm - health - by ouch - United States (Washington)

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

#499
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16435) - you deserved it (9800)

On 12/12/2008 at 1:05am - misc - by Jumanji - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'm apparently so desperate for companionship that my body has subconsciously synced my period with the girl who works in the cubicle adjacent to mine. FML

#20044589
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16432) - you deserved it (2397)

On 08/27/2012 at 2:20pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

#19636097
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16433) - you deserved it (3191)

On 05/17/2012 at 8:00am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I failed my trigonometry exam because my scientific calculator was on the wrong setting. FML

#13192437
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16428) - you deserved it (40642)

On 09/25/2010 at 4:57am - misc - by trigfail - New Zealand (Taranaki)

Today, after we got home from the doctor's office, my mom checked the voicemail. Loud and clear, we both heard my boyfriend's break-up message. My parents had already forbidden me from dating. FML

#17928381
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16428) - you deserved it (23243)

On 10/07/2011 at 3:00pm - love - by Anonymous - United States



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