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Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

by anonymous / 06/13/2012 at 12:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

by rugernut13 / 10/16/2009 at 12:47am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML

by kaplwv116 / 06/26/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

by tireedddddd / 11/25/2011 at 11:24am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 4:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

by JDLAX1924 / 08/05/2010 at 7:24pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the so-called vegetarian soy sauce my mom has made for me several times has minced meat in it. FML

by Vegetarian / 03/14/2010 at 6:21am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

by Sad nerd / 01/05/2013 at 12:09pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

by just great... / 02/22/2011 at 3:38am / Love

Today, I was getting lunch at a fast food restaurant. My boss was in front of me, and in order to get on his good side I offered to pay. Instead, I got fired because I guess my boss assumed I was making fun of his salary, which I knew nothing about. FML

by FOXYgrandpa441 / 07/18/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (Wyoming) / Work

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2012 at 7:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2012 at 12:17am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started working my new summer job at McDonald's. Only 2 hours into my first shift, my tooth falls out onto a young girl's tray of food. Not only did she see it, but my managers and other people waiting in line all saw it. I don't think I have a summer job anymore. FML

by KingFML1 / 06/14/2015 at 1:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.