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Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML

#14199411
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11332) - you deserved it (20547)

On 12/14/2010 at 4:26am - health - by shit (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

#6441579
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11331) - you deserved it (22680)

On 11/25/2009 at 2:36am - kids - by n/a - United States

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

#18763493
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11330) - you deserved it (16278)

On 01/10/2012 at 1:04am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML

#2560630
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11329) - you deserved it (44573)

On 06/03/2009 at 6:31am - work - by whatzthehell (woman) - Kuwait

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me. He told me he was cheating on me, and that he wanted to break up. I was so angry that as he left, I started screaming at him out of my second story apartment window. I picked up a huge potted plant and shoved it through the window at him. It missed my ex and hit my car. FML

#8646489
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11325) - you deserved it (39174)

On 02/25/2010 at 7:33pm - love - by MUemma (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

#10547864
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11325) - you deserved it (28106)

On 05/15/2010 at 2:01pm - misc - by prettybich - United States (New York)

Today, I had a bubble bath to help me relax. I was more stressed out by the sound of all the bubbles popping than I was to begin with. FML

#19452879
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11322) - you deserved it (6074)

On 04/11/2012 at 10:54pm - misc - by dl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in a state of extreme boredom, I decided to dress my 6-month-old son in girl's clothes. As he sat in my lap in a frilly dress, and as I was placing a very pink and lacy bow on his head, my mother-in-law unexpectedly walked in. She now thinks I'm mentally unstable and should be in therapy. FML

Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

#6208863
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11311) - you deserved it (32925)

On 11/08/2009 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

#6698211
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11303) - you deserved it (31178)

On 12/10/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by ohcrap (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

#20438564
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11301) - you deserved it (38764)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

#718521
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11299) - you deserved it (62916)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by apenglishstudent (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

#17538243
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11297) - you deserved it (39413)

On 08/21/2011 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by RohnAbheek - India (Maharashtra)



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