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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of anti-perspirant. I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms. FML

#2075
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16388) - you deserved it (9419)

On 01/21/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by stanDman - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

#7004300
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16384) - you deserved it (2895)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML

#5465719
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16379) - you deserved it (42104)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by MessedXUp (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see well with them. She replied, "Oh yes, you have two big spots on your nose!" FML

#599
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16374) - you deserved it (2042)

On 12/25/2008 at 11:53pm - work - by jamjamy - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

#8605732
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16376) - you deserved it (3832)

On 02/24/2010 at 12:05am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

#9205385
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16377) - you deserved it (20719)

On 03/19/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then proceded to joke about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

#627489
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16372) - you deserved it (108746)

On 03/26/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by biggmouth - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, during lunch break at work, the bitter departmental rivalry blew out of control, when one of the glorified thugs from HR started a fistfight with my shift supervisor. I rushed in to break it up, but only succeeded in getting sucker-punched into next week. FML

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

#20022504
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16365) - you deserved it (34046)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

#7336128
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16362) - you deserved it (1957)

On 01/14/2010 at 9:54am - intimacy - by windskurfer - Sent from mobile version

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

#480695
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16361) - you deserved it (94189)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by StephD (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, to save money, I wanted to fix my own leaky roof instead of hiring someone. When I got on the roof, the ladder fell. As it was falling, it broke three windows and snagged the siding of my house ripping over half of it off. FML

#11803226
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16361) - you deserved it (26047)

On 07/11/2010 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

#20154996
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16346) - you deserved it (26892)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)



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