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Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

#4299529
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15417) - you deserved it (41048)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

#16019768
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15416) - you deserved it (63367)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by hornyloser (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML

#6708463
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15414) - you deserved it (21199)

On 12/11/2009 at 1:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

#11886380
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15409) - you deserved it (37023)

On 07/14/2010 at 10:37pm - love - by readytomingle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML

#829368
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15407) - you deserved it (57899)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

#456719
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15404) - you deserved it (115244)

On 03/18/2009 at 11:47pm - misc - by its_all_legit - United States (Virginia)

Today, I called up Verizon Wireless to "complain" about my phone service. I really had nothing to complain about, I was just that lonely that I wanted someone to talk to. FML

#14065426
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15404) - you deserved it (26013)

On 12/02/2010 at 10:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was racing some mates to the beach and I decided to take a short-cut by jumping over a low wall. I didn't realise the wall was to stop people falling into the stormwater drain. Which is 3 metres deep. And has razor-sharp oysters growing at the bottom. FML

#7965104
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15403) - you deserved it (34052)

On 02/07/2010 at 4:19am - misc - by KiwiBlam (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

#2039933
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15398) - you deserved it (51649)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by nothing (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

#5087791
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15397) - you deserved it (47288)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I sent my boyfriend some nude pics of me. Later I get a text from my dad asking me when I had gotten a tattoo. FML

#5189
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15384) - you deserved it (47162)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:56am - intimacy - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, driving home, I got bored and started debating how I know this is reality and not just a dream, even though dreams often seem real. The answer came quickly; in my dreams, I work normal hours and have time for things like hanging out with friends, and having a girlfriend. FML

#19499711
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15383) - you deserved it (3391)

On 04/20/2012 at 4:56am - misc - by metalwolf - United States

Today, and as for the rest of my life, I will always have a husband whose breath stinks. FML

#451
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15381) - you deserved it (24183)

On 12/04/2008 at 11:40pm - love - by nothisfault - Sent from mobile version



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