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Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

#21479748
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26396) - you deserved it (2157)

On 10/13/2015 at 10:01pm - love - by malcolmXXX - United States (Georgia)

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

#6401291
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26395) - you deserved it (4542)

On 11/22/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Arachnaphobic (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

#6061136
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26395) - you deserved it (7481)

On 10/29/2009 at 8:33pm - misc - by BaconBreathBlonde (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML

#14238369
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26395) - you deserved it (3695)

On 12/17/2010 at 7:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

#20140057
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26396) - you deserved it (4442)

On 10/30/2012 at 10:27am - misc - by Obi1Shinobi - United States

Today, my grandmother and I turned up to a family function wearing the same outfit. FML

#20184947
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26395) - you deserved it (5824)

On 11/30/2012 at 1:30am - misc - by Awks - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

#21384468
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26394) - you deserved it (2263)

On 03/30/2015 at 10:50pm - health - by technical - United States (Washington)

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

#762
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (10655)

On 12/30/2008 at 8:36pm - love - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

#10733187
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (6456)

On 05/24/2010 at 12:14pm - health - by Dandruff - Sent from mobile version

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

#14078966
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26392) - you deserved it (5124)

On 12/04/2010 at 12:37am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got tased, with the same taser I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML

#12687636
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26390) - you deserved it (8021)

On 08/22/2010 at 7:33pm - misc - by Nick - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML

#8819773
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26386) - you deserved it (3499)

On 03/04/2010 at 7:49am - misc - by Heather (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

#756
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26386) - you deserved it (5768)

On 11/12/2008 at 10:01pm - health - by - Sent from mobile version



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