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Today, I slipped at work while putting out a "wet floor" sign to make sure the customers didn't slip. FML

by embarrassed / 12/20/2010 at 9:51am / United States / Work

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

by Obi1Shinobi / 10/30/2012 at 10:27am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking out the garbage at work when I slipped and fell into the garbage container. The scent was so bad that a bus driver denied me a ride home. FML

by badluckantonio / 08/25/2011 at 1:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

by KittyNeko / 12/28/2009 at 1:26am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

by Mark / 01/05/2010 at 9:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

by tom0441 / 10/22/2011 at 4:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

by lobotomy pls / 09/11/2015 at 2:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

by WELLFUCKYOUTOO / 08/14/2012 at 11:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

by jlmbull / 07/28/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I spent two hours driving all over town looking for a store that sold pumpkins. When I finally found some, I was charged ten dollars per pumpkin. Later, I went to my town's annual Halloween festival and discovered they were giving pumpkins away for free. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 9:16am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 3:02pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

by Silent / 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2015 at 1:48pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Work