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Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

#3016666
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14126) - you deserved it (97546)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

#3373378
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14125) - you deserved it (47128)

On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

#8430991
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14125) - you deserved it (6012)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was warning a girl in my art class to be careful with a Stanley knife, as she had managed to cut her finger quite badly. Just as I said it, I sliced my finger open with a Stanley knife. FML

#19311735
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14124) - you deserved it (8496)

On 03/20/2012 at 12:33am - health - by insightful - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my friend that being arrested isn't something a decent person should have on their bucket list. I had to explain this while bailing her out of jail. FML

#20002792
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14123) - you deserved it (1673)

On 08/04/2012 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

#2295349
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14121) - you deserved it (54886)

On 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by silvercity09 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

#5759678
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14121) - you deserved it (43768)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:22pm - misc - by sostupid - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

#20171812
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14119) - you deserved it (4065)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:00am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML

Today, I finally told my roommate, who doesn't pay rent, to go get a job. He left, came back, and immediately went to my refrigerator to eat. I asked him about his job and what his pay is. Apparently, putting together a bike for a kid is a job. FML

#19671365
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14117) - you deserved it (2038)

On 05/24/2012 at 3:41am - money - by hunterjumper1212 - United States (California)

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

#20030776
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14114) - you deserved it (7691)

On 08/19/2012 at 10:19pm - animals - by speshlk37 (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

#1388
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14113) - you deserved it (5380)

On 01/16/2009 at 3:43pm - love - by Noname - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML

#13587317
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14113) - you deserved it (20670)

On 10/25/2010 at 6:06am - misc - by peestain (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)



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