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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML

#19725175
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22336) - you deserved it (4339)

On 06/03/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by ilovezim29 - United States (California)

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

#13457559
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22332) - you deserved it (3632)

On 10/15/2010 at 10:08am - misc - by IhatebeingtheDD - United States

Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML

#18954545
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22332) - you deserved it (1996)

On 01/30/2012 at 6:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

#7147698
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22331) - you deserved it (4097)

On 01/04/2010 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by audied (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

#7198601
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22329) - you deserved it (4022)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:44pm - work - by Mic (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my parents want me to become a lawyer, all because our family members keep getting into feuds and court cases. I'm a successful developer, and run my own company. FML

#18782870
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22329) - you deserved it (2149)

On 01/12/2012 at 5:14am - work - by me_the_maniak - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

#20861665
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22324) - you deserved it (65577)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

#14574374
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22325) - you deserved it (3018)

On 01/14/2011 at 2:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up and went to go have a shower. The trouble is, my bedroom door is broken and will no longer open. My mother's idea of helping was pushing a note under the door saying she'll be back in a couple of hours. FML

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

#10481687
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22322) - you deserved it (5398)

On 05/12/2010 at 5:49am - health - by nick - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

#13090304
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22321) - you deserved it (2742)

On 09/17/2010 at 8:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

#13722404
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22322) - you deserved it (4156)

On 11/05/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

#17735625
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22321) - you deserved it (3576)

On 09/13/2011 at 10:48am - health - by .. - United States (Florida)



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