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Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

#20188543
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22763) - you deserved it (2907)

On 12/02/2012 at 8:57pm - misc - by :/ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

#347
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22760) - you deserved it (3690)

On 11/20/2008 at 6:10am - love - by archer - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

#13372887
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22758) - you deserved it (6533)

On 10/09/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by Rob - United States (New York)

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

#21053604
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22760) - you deserved it (48592)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

#7564302
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22757) - you deserved it (3249)

On 01/25/2010 at 4:32am - misc - by notworthy (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

#1246949
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22756) - you deserved it (83918)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:44am - health - by tgstreaks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

#19416403
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22754) - you deserved it (9443)

On 04/06/2012 at 7:10am - intimacy - by TJ - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

#20959868
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22754) - you deserved it (43951)

On 11/16/2013 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was waiting in line for what seemed like forever at the only open lane at the grocery store. The guy in front of me took his sweet time and had multiple cards rejected, before finally pulling out a $100 bill and demanding exact change. He was buying a carton of milk. FML

#19467160
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22753) - you deserved it (1956)

On 04/14/2012 at 3:27pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on the toilet, and then had to give my boss a valid reason for why I was late. FML

#18181534
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22751) - you deserved it (4781)

On 11/07/2011 at 1:49am - work - by Courtney - United States (Texas)

Today, I got stuck driving behind a rather large motorcyclist on a one way road for 30 miles. For those 30 miles, I had a full view of his back fat rolls and butt crack. FML

#18466137
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22747) - you deserved it (3412)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:43am - misc - by O__o (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

#2388
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22743) - you deserved it (2133)

On 01/23/2009 at 8:55pm - love - by sigh - United States (New York)

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well performed dive of the diving board, I go up and attempt my best dive. I slip just as I jump and hit my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

#464329
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22742) - you deserved it (51259)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:47am - love - by Fish (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)



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