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Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

#19172113
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22708) - you deserved it (4131)

On 02/27/2012 at 12:12am - love - by SwimminginSweat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

#18560228
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22707) - you deserved it (2027)

On 12/20/2011 at 7:46am - health - by ouch (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

#504
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22706) - you deserved it (6358)

On 12/12/2008 at 11:53pm - misc - by Peel - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

#18443070
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22706) - you deserved it (1743)

On 12/06/2011 at 3:57am - work - by snarly1 - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

#19630499
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22709) - you deserved it (2355)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:43am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

#19907093
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22706) - you deserved it (1475)

On 07/07/2012 at 11:16pm - work - by cj1012 - United States

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

#21300014
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22706) - you deserved it (3558)

On 11/16/2014 at 3:35am - health - by FlyLikeABird - United States (California)

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

#19945727
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22705) - you deserved it (2361)

On 07/16/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by CantBlink - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

#6125529
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22699) - you deserved it (2587)

On 11/02/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by justin_99 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad put in wall plug-ins that emit high frequencies that are suppose to ward off mice. I must be a mouse, because I can hear the annoying noise in every room I walk into. FML

#19031754
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22697) - you deserved it (1831)

On 02/09/2012 at 12:37am - misc - by Ihaveaheadache - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

#20448091
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22696) - you deserved it (61993)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous001 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

#2866
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22694) - you deserved it (1752)

On 01/27/2009 at 3:02pm - work - by Ren - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sent the script to a play I'm participating in at school. After reading it a couple of times, I noticed that my part has been forgotten completely. FML

#21386014
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22699) - you deserved it (1695)

On 04/01/2015 at 6:09pm - misc - by ThirteenThirteen (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)



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