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Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

#21479748
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26396) - you deserved it (2157)

On 10/13/2015 at 10:01pm - love - by malcolmXXX - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

#10733187
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26395) - you deserved it (6456)

On 05/24/2010 at 12:14pm - health - by Dandruff - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

#21384468
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26394) - you deserved it (2263)

On 03/30/2015 at 10:50pm - health - by technical - United States (Washington)

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

#762
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (10655)

On 12/30/2008 at 8:36pm - love - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

#14078966
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (5125)

On 12/04/2010 at 12:37am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

#19940799
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (4857)

On 07/15/2012 at 11:12am - love - by SwAGkiLlS - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got tased, with the same taser I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML

#12687636
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26390) - you deserved it (8021)

On 08/22/2010 at 7:33pm - misc - by Nick - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML

#8819773
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26386) - you deserved it (3499)

On 03/04/2010 at 7:49am - misc - by Heather (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

#756
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26385) - you deserved it (5768)

On 11/12/2008 at 10:01pm - health - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

#7170495
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26384) - you deserved it (4140)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06pm - work - by Mark (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

#14018478
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26383) - you deserved it (6958)

On 11/29/2010 at 12:03am - health - by caliibbyy -

Today, there are rumors flying around my office that I hooked up with the guy who picks his nose and leaves boogers under tables. I didn't. Last night I took a shower at my boyfriend's place, who happens to use the exact same body wash and shampoo as the office outcast. FML

#14019566
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26382) - you deserved it (3411)

On 11/29/2010 at 1:23am - intimacy - by AntiAxe -

Today, I was working on a project in my schools library when a group of teenagers came in and began loudly talking and laughing. When I asked them to please quiet down, the librarian asked me to leave for being too loud. FML

#21420156
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26381) - you deserved it (2324)

On 06/03/2015 at 9:25am - misc - by NoUsernamHere - United States



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