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Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, severing all forms of communication but one: Words With Friends. FML

by ktinanic / 12/30/2011 at 12:27pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was taking out the garbage at work when I slipped and fell into the garbage container. The scent was so bad that a bus driver denied me a ride home. FML

by badluckantonio / 08/25/2011 at 1:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

by Obi1Shinobi / 10/30/2012 at 10:27am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

by Rusty / 07/03/2015 at 3:02pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was doing takeout orders at the restaurant I work at. I spent a long while putting together this guy's $135.00 order. When he finally got there to pick it up, I told him to fill out the credit card slip. I looked at it after he left. He gave me a 40 cent tip. FML

by richgirl / 02/24/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Work

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

by tom0441 / 10/22/2011 at 4:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

by jlmbull / 07/28/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2015 at 1:48pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Work

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

by forgotten / 09/21/2010 at 6:16pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

by Jaclk / 04/24/2012 at 5:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was startled by my roommate marching a drunk man out of our apartment. Somehow he found his way in complete darkness into the bathroom without alerting me or my dog next to the only door. He mistook the clothes hamper for the toilet. FML

Today, an attractive man hit on me for the first time since I ended my 3-year relationship with my cheating ex. Then the man told me he'd just gotten out of prison last week. FML

by monogamyisalie / 07/23/2015 at 1:29pm / United States / Love

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

by biblio / 01/17/2009 at 9:55pm / United States (Texas) / Love