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Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

#8250207
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21848) - you deserved it (3133)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:52pm - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my dad and I were in the car when a rabbit scurried across the road, just missing us. My dad turned and said to me, "Well, it's good we didn't hit him. He gets to live another day." I then looked in the rear view mirror to see the rabbit running away from the cross traffic, only to be hit by the car behind us. FML

#9102050
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21850) - you deserved it (2998)

On 03/15/2010 at 12:44pm - misc - by bunnylover (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband half-naked and yelling at the TV screen over a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML

#20169569
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21848) - you deserved it (2369)

On 11/19/2012 at 2:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

#14646268
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21842) - you deserved it (2826)

On 01/20/2011 at 1:01am - intimacy - by welly223 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

#17394745
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21842) - you deserved it (3032)

On 08/07/2011 at 4:08am - misc - by fugachumi - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent ages at CVS waiting for a flu shot. The main cause of holdup was a disagreement between the pharmacist and the insurance company over 4 cents. FML

#14135848
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21840) - you deserved it (2266)

On 12/08/2010 at 9:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML

#18988836
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21841) - you deserved it (3003)

On 02/04/2012 at 12:22am - health - by foxyreegan - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I have been left home alone, the electricity has cut out, and I am petrified of the dark. I am stuck downstairs making karate noises every few minutes to scare off creepers. FML

#19292918
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21840) - you deserved it (12239)

On 03/17/2012 at 8:45am - misc - by belieber101 - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21837) - you deserved it (48663)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my parents boarded the fad wagon and became Juggalos. FML

#18891757
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21836) - you deserved it (2710)

On 01/23/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by unholy shit (man) - United States

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

#19870178
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21835) - you deserved it (2919)

On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

#14264681
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21836) - you deserved it (4990)

On 12/19/2010 at 9:26pm - misc - by me (woman) - Bulgaria



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