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Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

#7072214
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24938) - you deserved it (2731)

On 01/01/2010 at 1:10am - misc - by nobffs (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML

#19352166
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24938) - you deserved it (5687)

On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

#7204414
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24937) - you deserved it (5013)

On 01/07/2010 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by oopsies (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I dropped my car keys down the elevator shaft at my dorm. I had parked my car at a parking meter, and now had no way to get change out of my car. It took six hours for someone to get my keys, and I now have a $75 parking ticket. FML

#9128496
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24937) - you deserved it (4605)

On 03/16/2010 at 9:31am - misc - by Lea (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to help your memory. I forgot them at home. FML

#19244814
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24936) - you deserved it (4241)

On 03/09/2012 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

#12920070
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24936) - you deserved it (6318)

On 09/05/2010 at 5:51pm - misc - by noonotme (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML

#20173484
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24935) - you deserved it (5840)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had my friends help me put on a suit of full plate armor for a medieval re-enactment. After the battle, my friends left. I can't get the armor off by myself and will probably have to sleep in it. FML

#15136190
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24933) - you deserved it (9142)

On 02/27/2011 at 5:10am - misc - by hurley (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for smiling and laughing too much. Last week, he reprimanded me for not smiling and laughing enough. FML

#21449263
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24934) - you deserved it (1717)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

#19099040
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24935) - you deserved it (5550)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:43am - kids - by thatoneperson - United States (Virginia)

Today, is January 1st. Last night, I threw a party. Only 3 people came. Luckily, one of the people who came was the love of my life, I had been hoping to get a midnight kiss from him. Unluckly, he decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. At my party. They were liplocked almost the whole time. FML

#7087777
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24930) - you deserved it (3877)

On 01/01/2010 at 7:09pm - love - by ScrewedOver (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

#11063786
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24929) - you deserved it (5599)

On 06/08/2010 at 7:58pm - misc - by CircleBruise (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, as I was training a new guy at work, my husband spent half the day creeping outside in his truck. FML

#17868574
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24929) - you deserved it (3284)

On 09/30/2011 at 1:01am - love - by Cristie - Canada (Ontario)



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