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Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML

#19372979
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23068) - you deserved it (1977)

On 03/29/2012 at 10:16pm - misc - by rusrs - United Kingdom

Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML

#18457240
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23067) - you deserved it (3749)

On 12/07/2011 at 11:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML

#20690847
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23067) - you deserved it (44078)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for my programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me. He must have been a programmer too, because he spent the next few hours staring at my screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake. FML

#20169793
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23065) - you deserved it (2106)

On 11/19/2012 at 5:37pm - misc - by Trinity (woman) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML

#19792340
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23064) - you deserved it (3823)

On 06/15/2012 at 1:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had to walk through the blistering snow, because my boss needed something really important: cream cheese. FML

#8715488
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23063) - you deserved it (2530)

On 02/28/2010 at 11:00am - work - by Renesmeekuhnell (woman) - Denmark (Arhus)

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

#7729865
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23063) - you deserved it (3343)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:38am - health - by lilsis (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

#8031607
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23060) - you deserved it (4775)

On 02/08/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by unsatisfied - Sent from mobile version

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

#20003299
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23058) - you deserved it (3040)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:23am - health - by wut (woman) - United States

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

#4150
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23054) - you deserved it (1796)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:20pm - work - by Larry - United States (California)

Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from my dad. I was full of excitement until I opened it and found two taxidermied rabbits. The ones I had when I was in the fifth grade. FML

#20120354
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23054) - you deserved it (1715)

On 10/16/2012 at 10:48pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML

#18078433
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23052) - you deserved it (3150)

On 10/26/2011 at 2:36am - work - by insanitycalling - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my rental car had an automatic rear hatch. That sounded helpful until I used it and it emptied $60 in just-purchased groceries for the week on the parking lot pavement. The jars and jugs weren't ready for the leap. FML

#21408338
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23062) - you deserved it (3660)

On 05/11/2015 at 10:37am - money - by technodont - United States



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