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Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML

#20114046
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21837) - you deserved it (1421)

On 10/12/2012 at 8:18pm - misc - by atleastshelldiefirst (man) - United States

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

#14264681
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21835) - you deserved it (4989)

On 12/19/2010 at 9:26pm - misc - by me (woman) - Bulgaria

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

#19870178
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21836) - you deserved it (2919)

On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)

Today, formal portraits of my entire class were posted online, with about five photos per person. As my mom was looking at them, she was commenting about how pretty all my classmates look. When she got to my photos, all she had to say was "ugh". FML

#7222160
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21834) - you deserved it (2226)

On 01/08/2010 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

#13061135
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21830) - you deserved it (3377)

On 09/15/2010 at 12:52pm - misc - by Ah piss - United States (New York)

Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML

#20025166
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21828) - you deserved it (1644)

On 08/16/2012 at 8:22pm - health - by rainbows? more like shitstorms (man) - United States

Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML

#5661847
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21827) - you deserved it (4295)

On 10/05/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by swedishguy (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

#20119554
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21826) - you deserved it (1278)

On 10/16/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

#18497934
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21826) - you deserved it (2697)

On 12/12/2011 at 9:04pm - misc - by unknown - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my elbow was having cramps and movement issues as a result of an old set of surgical pins and wires that are being rejected by my body. One painful twitch caused my arm to lock out straight, unintentionally slapping my hand into my co-worker's crotch. Our waiting customers giggled. FML

Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I was getting excited about the prospects of landing a great job. I had nailed every question the man asked me and right after he told me he'll call me tomorrow if he wants me to come in I sweetly said, "Talk to you tomorrow, Love you" FML

#1723493
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21825) - you deserved it (53618)

On 05/07/2009 at 5:10pm - work - by jobless (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I added "a road sign" to my ever-growing list of 'Things which have hit my car as a result of the wind.' FML

#18465867
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21825) - you deserved it (2834)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:05am - misc - by it'sabitwindy - United States

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

#20097224
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21826) - you deserved it (2217)

On 10/01/2012 at 7:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)



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