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Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

#19592070
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19580) - you deserved it (3950)

On 05/08/2012 at 12:41pm - animals - by gl0b3suck0r (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I had my 7 month check up for my pregnancy. The nurse weighed me and said, "I see you've gotten into the Halloween candy." FML

#20137716
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19580) - you deserved it (3340)

On 10/28/2012 at 9:53pm - health - by monkeylover996 (woman) - United States

Today, I was driving home from an airport. On the way home, I got a flat tire. Once I was outside the car I realized that I had accidentally locked the car with the keys inside. I was in the middle of nowhere 20 miles from anywhere and couldn't call for help since my phone was in the car. FML

Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most amazing time with my girlfriend, catching it all on tape. When I got back to South America, I realized someone had stolen my camera. FML

#892
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19577) - you deserved it (2117)

On 01/09/2009 at 4:02am - misc - by Wex - Chile (Antofagasta)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML

#20556604
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19577) - you deserved it (36584)

On 03/23/2013 at 3:00pm - love - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to spend the morning and afternoon waiting for my uncle to take a crap after his hernia surgery. It never happened, and in the end I drove home, only to find the highway just as backed up as my uncle's colon. FML

#17697581
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19574) - you deserved it (2683)

On 09/08/2011 at 4:47pm - health - by wilmerjean - United States

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

#20071299
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19574) - you deserved it (12425)

On 09/14/2012 at 4:26am - love - by TallGal (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I tried to get over my childhood phobia of syringes by donating blood. The phlebotomist hadn't even touched the needle before I started sobbing hysterically. They made me leave. FML

#13219092
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (12149)

On 09/27/2010 at 3:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I joined my school's film-making club so I could get an opportunity to act in the club president's screenplays. It turns out her idea of a tragedy is a creepy, sci-fi version of Romeo and Juliet, with elves, starring her as the perfect Mary Sue style lead character. I can't get out of this. FML

#17647973
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (4600)

On 09/02/2011 at 9:59pm - misc - by Actor (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML

#19237523
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (5964)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:13am - misc - by thatchick3333 - United States (California)

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

#14825880
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19570) - you deserved it (9717)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:02pm - misc - by ColdMN (man) - United States

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

#20069823
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (3972)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:02am - animals - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

#20907372
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19570) - you deserved it (38631)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by vcarder (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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