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Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

#1633
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13855) - you deserved it (1620)

On 01/18/2009 at 4:50pm - animals - by dirtyfoot - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

#15066276
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13853) - you deserved it (22792)

On 02/21/2011 at 2:50pm - animals - by phillyfan4life - United States (Delaware)

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

#225937
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13851) - you deserved it (60007)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:49pm - kids - by wetbutt (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose that much weight." FML

#13344865
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13848) - you deserved it (22542)

On 10/06/2010 at 5:59pm - love - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

#20173284
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13847) - you deserved it (2509)

On 11/22/2012 at 12:44am - work - by Ophelia - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

#17113139
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13845) - you deserved it (61779)

On 07/14/2011 at 9:51pm - kids - by anon (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML

#145480
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13839) - you deserved it (66886)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by JessP (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML

#1197
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13839) - you deserved it (2865)

On 01/15/2009 at 6:36am - love - by liltravol23 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML

#7624782
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13838) - you deserved it (18799)

On 01/27/2010 at 9:41pm - misc - by spleechick - United States (California)

Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

#19572615
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13834) - you deserved it (2607)

On 05/04/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by UnderConstruction (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

#5021908
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13832) - you deserved it (62264)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13831) - you deserved it (49685)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, I sat in the train and the old lady sitting next to me stares at my face. I ask her if she is ok and she starts yelling "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?". The entire train trip went like this. FML

#593
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13821) - you deserved it (979)

On 12/25/2008 at 5:30am - misc - by LDF - Sent from mobile version



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