Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

#3089215
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18619) - you deserved it (30861)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:20pm - misc - by carpetoops (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML

#18599124
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18618) - you deserved it (1896)

On 12/24/2011 at 3:04pm - misc - by ambled - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

#20061073
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18618) - you deserved it (2118)

On 09/06/2012 at 9:56pm - kids - by Chouse - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

#19549742
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18617) - you deserved it (12941)

On 04/29/2012 at 7:56pm - love - by -insert clever nickname here- - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

#20169381
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18617) - you deserved it (16230)

On 11/19/2012 at 11:15am - animals - by crazycatlady (woman) - United States

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

#20114676
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18615) - you deserved it (2689)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:22am - kids - by Shiverice - United States (Michigan)

Today, I noticed that the injury on my hand from three weeks ago no longer hurt. A while later, I accidentally slammed that same hand in a door. FML

#15576968
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18614) - you deserved it (14332)

On 03/31/2011 at 4:53pm - health - by BudmaudeY (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, while cleaning behind a ladder, I banged my head on one of the hand rails. I stood up, cursed, and moved to the other side. To my luck, I hit the other side of my head. I now have two lumps perfectly placed as horns on my head. FML

#13086565
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18614) - you deserved it (6054)

On 09/17/2010 at 2:37pm - work - by login_eddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mother described what her ideal daughter-in-law should be like. Half-way through her description, fishing for some compliments, I told her that such a girl would be way above my league. She sighed and emphatically agreed. FML

#19643133
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18611) - you deserved it (8517)

On 05/18/2012 at 6:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

#20129768
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18611) - you deserved it (3751)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm - misc - by afraidofcans - United States (Virginia)

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

#20057573
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18607) - you deserved it (3529)

On 09/04/2012 at 4:34pm - animals - by badwolf (man) - United States

Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML

#18438715
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18607) - you deserved it (17277)

On 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

#20443271
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18605) - you deserved it (4609)

On 01/05/2013 at 12:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: