Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

#20056463
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19642) - you deserved it (2653)

On 09/03/2012 at 10:08pm - misc - by weave9z (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I woke up and decided that I no longer give a fuck what I look like. Today is also the day a very attractive exchange student joined my private band lessons. FML

#18943419
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19639) - you deserved it (11143)

On 01/29/2012 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned that Nyquil has such an amazing effect on me, that it won't even allow me to wake up to go to the bathroom. FML

#20084489
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19639) - you deserved it (2028)

On 09/23/2012 at 1:03am - health - by Nyquilwtf - United States

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

#19909832
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19638) - you deserved it (3729)

On 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm - work - by a4rk (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

#20156190
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19637) - you deserved it (7078)

On 11/09/2012 at 11:23am - work - by EnglishLearner (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

#20070406
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19635) - you deserved it (3080)

On 09/13/2012 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

#5832745
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19634) - you deserved it (3039)

On 10/14/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by newscomes (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

#590
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19632) - you deserved it (9047)

On 12/24/2008 at 8:54pm - love - by Marou - Sent from mobile version

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

#20153727
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19633) - you deserved it (6876)

On 11/07/2012 at 4:30pm - animals - by Drafty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my city got almost a foot of snow. When I went out to my car, it was covered in snow with a layer of ice underneath. I went to open the trunk to get the window scraper, when the snow that had collected on the top of my back window slid into my trunk. My laptop was the recipient of most of the snow. FML

#13829927
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19631) - you deserved it (7737)

On 11/13/2010 at 6:04pm - misc - by snowman (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML

#19847830
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19630) - you deserved it (4456)

On 06/25/2012 at 11:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

#21106752
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19630) - you deserved it (43758)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

#20161557
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19629) - you deserved it (1951)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:00am - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: