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Today, I found out I sleepwalk. How you might ask? By awakening the moment just before I fell from the stairs. I was better off sleeping. FML

by Eloy Ymer / 08/22/2010 at 7:51pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Health

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML

by GuillermoCJ / 01/22/2011 at 12:36am / Mexico (Baja California) / Health

Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 2:05am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

by biblio / 01/17/2009 at 9:55pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

by forgotten / 09/21/2010 at 6:16pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

by fml / 09/27/2011 at 3:25pm / United States / Health

Today, I had to write my own notice for enforced redundancy because my boss just went on a two week vacation. He told me to just forge his signature and that, if I wouldn't do it, he'd just make something up to dismiss me on codes of conduct. FML

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

by / 11/12/2008 at 10:01pm / Health

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

by / 12/30/2008 at 8:36pm / Love

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn't have time to text me back, but he does have time to post an entire Facebook album dedicated to cats. FML

by JJBones / 06/29/2012 at 6:03am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 12:37am / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

by Mark / 01/05/2010 at 9:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I found out that my best friend's mom doesn't wear pyjamas when I got up to go get a glass of water in the middle of the night, at the same time she did. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2010 at 1:45am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous