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Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in te local parken a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to soo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being te stupid animal it is, it decided to looool fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
Today, I was working at ta mall as ta grl tat stand around giving out sampla of ta foods. Tis guy cummad looool up to ma an wa wara flrting 4 at laast 30 mins. Wit ta tray in ona and, I gava im my call to put is numbar in it. Ha ran away wit my pona. FML
Today, Boyfriend Picked Me Up From School. It Was An Unusually Sweet Gesture From Him, An I Was Flattered. That Is, Until He Told Me To Sit Ass In The Back, So His Dog Could Ride In Front With Him. FML
Today , I Was Babysitting To Make A Few Extra Dollars. While Changing One Of The Kid's Diapers , I Turned Around To Find The Other Kid Gone. I Turned Back Around Frantically , Only To Get Poop Flung At Mah Face. I Guess I Found Him. Mega FML
Yesterday, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake an he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML
Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with fir over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML
Today , I was going over some paperwork with mah back to mah office door. As I turn around , mah boss enter and says mah name loudly. I was startld so bad that I jumpd , yelpd , and a high-pitchd fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. mega FML
TODAY, I WAS THE DESIGNATD DRIVER 4 MY FRIEND'S 21ST BIRTHDAY. ON THE WAY HOME FROM THE BAR, HE THREW UP ALL THE PASTA AND TEQUILA HE'D HAD ONTO THE BACK SEAT OF MY CAR, AND TOLD ME IT WAS PART OF HIS WHOLE PARTY PLAN. FML
Taday I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door nieghbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked themhat the hell was going on, only to find out one of thier inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it.
Taday I was in a urry to get someting out of te oven, so I quickly grabbd my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbd te pan in te oven . It didn't take long to figure out tere was a ole in iten my tumb it te ot pan . FML
Friday 27 March 2015