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Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

#6474999
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19331) - you deserved it (6691)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

#19528720
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19329) - you deserved it (2212)

On 04/25/2012 at 7:08pm - misc - by horselover7766 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while feeling sick, I decided to go to a furniture store to sit down for a few minutes. I'm now the proud owner of an expensive, vomit-stained recliner. FML

Today, I found out my dad bought an iPhone. I've spent the better part of the last six months teaching him how to check his email and online newspapers. FML

#7670989
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19325) - you deserved it (3144)

On 01/29/2010 at 10:29am - misc - by anonymas (woman) - Norway (Troms)

Today, in between the passing times at school, one of my classmates opened the door to my next class, so I turned to tell him thank you. Apparently, he was opening it for the teacher who was leaving. I collided with her and her very hot cup of coffee. FML

#8089139
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19325) - you deserved it (4192)

On 02/10/2010 at 12:34pm - misc - by kel - United States (California)

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

#6002369
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19321) - you deserved it (4101)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by kl (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, the father of my child couldn't understand why he had been laid off from his job as a painter's assistant. He couldn't find a broom or vacuum, so he "cleaned" a carpet by laying down strips of painter's tape and pulling it up. FML

#19586827
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19320) - you deserved it (3221)

On 05/07/2012 at 11:57am - work - by notrocketscience (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML

#20085837
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19320) - you deserved it (1218)

On 09/23/2012 at 10:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

#19625273
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19319) - you deserved it (2469)

On 05/14/2012 at 11:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19317) - you deserved it (46954)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML

#8973214
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19314) - you deserved it (3360)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Jamie - United States (Florida)

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

#15755743
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19314) - you deserved it (20854)

On 04/12/2011 at 1:45pm - misc - by scottskidee - United States (Ohio)

Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey website. I took their stupid survey out of appreciation. FML

#19391757
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19315) - you deserved it (1888)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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