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Today, we were closing the restaurant early. I begin mopping as a couple walks in. The lady slips and falls, and to avoid a lawsuit, we offer them free food. After they left, I slipped on the freshly mopped kitchen floor with dishes in my hands. I didn't get free food. FML

#13056809
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20721) - you deserved it (7833)

On 09/15/2010 at 12:24am - work - by clumsyandhungry (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that my 76 year old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

#20051798
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20721) - you deserved it (1627)

On 09/01/2012 at 12:30am - misc - by MsConfusedd - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML

#20098355
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20720) - you deserved it (3838)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anna - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML

#19966337
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20719) - you deserved it (2118)

On 07/21/2012 at 12:48am - misc - by AussieG75 - United States (Florida)

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

#18933385
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20718) - you deserved it (3313)

On 01/28/2012 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

#20020707
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20716) - you deserved it (1536)

On 08/14/2012 at 2:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

#20086472
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20716) - you deserved it (5801)

On 09/24/2012 at 10:33am - kids - by smashed (man) - United States

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

#20496085
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20716) - you deserved it (38160)

On 02/06/2013 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by dab1230 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML

Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML

#19207356
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20714) - you deserved it (3195)

On 03/03/2012 at 3:27am - health - by fingerhut - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her twitter to complain about me. FML

#7725800
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20708) - you deserved it (5181)

On 01/30/2010 at 11:01pm - misc - by sparkle (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

#19844489
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20708) - you deserved it (2505)

On 06/25/2012 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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