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Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

#19289453
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21797) - you deserved it (11914)

On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

#20002664
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21782) - you deserved it (6399)

On 08/04/2012 at 7:04pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

#3148
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21742) - you deserved it (2674)

On 01/28/2009 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by hgirl - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

#20533106
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21742) - you deserved it (7135)

On 03/06/2013 at 12:44am - misc - by sales ham (man) - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

#17836220
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21741) - you deserved it (1962)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:28am - work - by Username - United States (Illinois)

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs onto cement and had to get stitches in my knee. The class I was running to was Buddhist Philosophy where I was supposed to give a presentation on how we all need to slow down and stop rushing through life. FML

#407679
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21740) - you deserved it (57929)

On 03/17/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Noname - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

#7093721
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21740) - you deserved it (2496)

On 01/01/2010 at 11:40pm - animals - by ninjapup (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got a super short pixie cut. All my boyfriend could do was stare at me, speechless. I thought he was taken aback by how cute it was until he told me that I look exactly like my fifteen year old brother. FML

#15266054
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21740) - you deserved it (19511)

On 03/10/2011 at 7:51pm - misc - by shia -

Today, my pregnant wife broke down in tears over the fact that since moving to Brazil for my job, we don't have regular access to macaroni and cheese. FML

#20032360
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21737) - you deserved it (5561)

On 08/20/2012 at 6:06pm - health - by stupidbullcrêpe (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

#20007431
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21734) - you deserved it (5742)

On 08/07/2012 at 9:19am - intimacy - by Nightmares - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

#969967
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21729) - you deserved it (55346)

On 04/14/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

#14600625
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21729) - you deserved it (2409)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:30pm - work - by ovawerkrd - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML

#20443596
151 comments


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