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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

#7004520
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19248) - you deserved it (10323)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:11am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

#7232950
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19246) - you deserved it (5160)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:25am - intimacy - by ohdeargodthatswrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML

#19954177
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19243) - you deserved it (5847)

On 07/18/2012 at 10:41am - work - by butterball (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML

#19779823
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19240) - you deserved it (2778)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:14am - animals - by missmisfit - Canada (Quebec)

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

#8902353
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19238) - you deserved it (2136)

On 03/07/2010 at 8:46pm - work - by liz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most amazing time with my girlfriend, catching it all on tape. When I got back to South America, I realized someone had stolen my camera. FML

#892
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19237) - you deserved it (2086)

On 01/09/2009 at 4:02am - misc - by Wex - Chile (Antofagasta)

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

#19388204
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19236) - you deserved it (1758)

On 04/01/2012 at 12:15pm - misc - by totalloss - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

#2777
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19235) - you deserved it (24229)

On 01/27/2009 at 6:22am - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I rolled over a curb and bent one of the signs that read "Please Park Here After Your Road Test," at the DMV, because my foot slipped off the brake just before I put the car in park, which would've ended my Test. The first words out of the examiner's mouth were, "Well you would've passed." FML

#121657
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19234) - you deserved it (27410)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:02am - misc - by ouagadougou (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried buying a video game that was rated "M - for mature". The Cashier told me "you have to be 17 to buy this game". I didn't have any ID on me. I'm 25. FML

#1541
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19233) - you deserved it (3461)

On 01/18/2009 at 5:24am - misc - by Noname - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while helping my mom to cook, I was reminded that when the fire alarm goes off in our house, dinner is ready. FML

#18967284
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19234) - you deserved it (2342)

On 02/01/2012 at 7:21am - misc - by JohhnyKeroscene - United States

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I had left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

#20129867
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19233) - you deserved it (3311)

On 10/23/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by nicedoggy (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

#20011233
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19233) - you deserved it (3342)

On 08/09/2012 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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