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Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

#20057573
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18604) - you deserved it (3529)

On 09/04/2012 at 4:34pm - animals - by badwolf (man) - United States

Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML

#19577517
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18603) - you deserved it (3388)

On 05/05/2012 at 2:12pm - misc - by leftoutdrunk - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

#20129768
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18603) - you deserved it (3750)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm - misc - by afraidofcans - United States (Virginia)

Today, I hit a dead deer that had been left in the middle of the road. My car started to make a funny noise and smell, so I pulled over to check it, thinking I blew the tire on some antlers. The deer got stuck in my front wheel, and I'd dragged it more than a mile. And it wasn't actually dead. FML

#14658044
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18602) - you deserved it (41032)

On 01/21/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML

#18438715
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18601) - you deserved it (17276)

On 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

#20443271
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18601) - you deserved it (4609)

On 01/05/2013 at 12:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

#3403324
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18598) - you deserved it (51684)

On 07/01/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by kelscait (woman) - United States

Today, I failed to get my drivers licence. My father was the instructor. FML

#13701806
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18595) - you deserved it (23436)

On 11/03/2010 at 1:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

#17968240
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18595) - you deserved it (12024)

On 10/12/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Nickname (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

#19015871
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18595) - you deserved it (1712)

On 02/07/2012 at 1:38am - misc - by whyme (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

#2119
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18592) - you deserved it (3479)

On 01/21/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by Daryll - United States (California)

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

#20045592
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18590) - you deserved it (2593)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:43am - animals - by anonya - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

#21245833
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18595) - you deserved it (3234)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by alanh69 (man) - United States (Iowa)



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