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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, my separation anxiety got so intense, I found myself smelling my boyfriend's pillow. FML

#18566755
149 comments

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

#13433237
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20631) - you deserved it (9155)

On 10/13/2010 at 11:28am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

#8972575
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20630) - you deserved it (2246)

On 03/10/2010 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by robotchickens (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to disable my iPod Touch for 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, I went to enter my password. I missed a number accidentally. 50 minutes to go. FML

#16734083
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20628) - you deserved it (27317)

On 06/18/2011 at 8:27pm - misc - by iDisable - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

#4330771
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20627) - you deserved it (113195)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:27am - misc - by Cowan - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, I went to work as a home health-aid, and found out that my client turns his hearing aid off on purpose because he can't stand my voice. FML

#17948621
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20626) - you deserved it (4197)

On 10/10/2011 at 12:13am - work - by melikeyturtles - United States

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

#7619521
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20627) - you deserved it (7661)

On 01/27/2010 at 7:27pm - health - by fuuuuck (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

#8506785
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20628) - you deserved it (3283)

On 02/21/2010 at 3:19am - intimacy - by horny21 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

#19567483
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20623) - you deserved it (5373)

On 05/03/2012 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got up the courage to go to my very first voice lesson. I thought I did alright, but at the end my teacher told me, "Now don't worry about grades in this class, I grade on effort, not on talent." FML

#11698
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20622) - you deserved it (2604)

On 02/06/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by Lizz (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

#7923030
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20622) - you deserved it (10201)

On 02/06/2010 at 12:12am - love - by snowman (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I auditioned for a part in a play. I've been practicing for months, and was very excited. After I finished singing, the director whispered something to the other judges, and they all laughed. Hard. So much for the lead role. FML

#13881545
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20622) - you deserved it (2963)

On 11/17/2010 at 9:31pm - misc - by embarrassed -

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

#8837524
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20622) - you deserved it (11315)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:17am - animals - by Catois (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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