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Today, returning home from a party, I realised I'd forgotten my keys. My roommate was sleeping so soundly that after an hour of throwing gravel and ringing the doorbell, I had to give up and get a room at the hotel over the road. For €85 I had a view of my room. FML

by LadyGrey / 01/27/2015 at 6:45am / Money

Today, I canceled my dental check-up because I'm getting busy at work. Then, as I was flossing, my finger slipped, I heard a "crunch" from one of my fillings, and I now have a killer toothache. It's costing me double to go to the dentist because it's now an emergency call. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 11:56am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML

by secret_source / 05/17/2012 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

by tom0441 / 10/22/2011 at 4:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

by sparklethelette / 12/06/2011 at 8:38pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

by Larry / 01/31/2009 at 1:20pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I switched cell phone carriers and got the plan where you can call or text any five people for free. The employee asked for my five, I could only come up with one, my mom. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2010 at 2:22am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

by OCDrunk / 11/23/2011 at 1:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, the guy I have been seeing left town to visit his family for three weeks. A few hours later, he called me from the airport to say he is never coming back. FML

by jlee0000785 / 09/17/2012 at 10:15am / Australia / Love

Today, while working as a manager at a restaurant, the "All employees must wash hands" sign in the bathroom was stolen. Now my employees won't wash their hands because they "don't have to." FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 5:25am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend about having plans on tonight so he'd think I had a life outside of him. All my "friends" are going to a party. I'm not invited. FML

by voltronn / 01/23/2010 at 12:04am / Love

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

by huwauw / 09/17/2010 at 4:33pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous