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Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

by sparklethelette / 12/06/2011 at 8:38pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

by psychworker / 12/15/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I went to see a musical that some school friends had put on. At some point in the show, the main character kicked her leg up in the air, and her high heel flew off of her foot and into the audience. The shoe hit me square in the face. FML

by ko / 12/08/2012 at 7:25pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in an effort to cover the sound of my cracking hips. FML

by Ugh / 09/13/2015 at 2:03am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his penis and shocked him. FML

by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

by jenpearl / 06/19/2015 at 9:06pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that airbags aren't nearly as comfy as they look. FML

by jbthedude / 08/05/2011 at 5:57am / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Health

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

by starboy / 03/10/2012 at 1:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

by rattrap / 02/05/2012 at 8:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

by BaconBreathBlonde / 10/29/2009 at 8:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I switched cell phone carriers and got the plan where you can call or text any five people for free. The employee asked for my five, I could only come up with one, my mom. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2010 at 2:22am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work at a supermarket straightening shelves in the food aisles. Just as I had finished and got ready to clock out, I heard a giant crash. A lady in a motor scooter knocked over an entire aisle of canned goods. She got up and walked away just fine, pretending nothing happened. FML

by acidonymous / 07/09/2015 at 12:32am / United States (Michigan) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.