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Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

#20026624
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18960) - you deserved it (1899)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:55pm - misc - by CollegeBound (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML

#7914611
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18957) - you deserved it (2413)

On 02/05/2010 at 8:20pm - misc - by JD (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend's mom and dad walked in on us while we were playing naked twister. FML

#12476862
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18954) - you deserved it (31199)

On 08/12/2010 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by FML (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, a co-worker passed me a note with information about one of our cute, new co-workers I was interested in. Her report? Simple: "Lesbian. Try again. They're EVERYWHERE!" FML

#18895505
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18951) - you deserved it (3037)

On 01/23/2012 at 11:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

#20089229
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18951) - you deserved it (2378)

On 09/26/2012 at 5:06am - love - by Popscene (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML

#19180349
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18948) - you deserved it (11478)

On 02/28/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by poop - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

#8636971
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18947) - you deserved it (4703)

On 02/25/2010 at 10:18am - misc - by popeye (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

#798927
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18946) - you deserved it (144859)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

#648
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18945) - you deserved it (4450)

On 01/01/2009 at 1:22am - misc - by Nick Nameous - United States (California)

Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML

#5141524
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18935) - you deserved it (51294)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

#19625273
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18934) - you deserved it (2428)

On 05/14/2012 at 11:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

#20188739
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18934) - you deserved it (2798)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:03pm - kids - by Nick (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML

#20163905
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18934) - you deserved it (1504)

On 11/15/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Superman (man) - United States (California)



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