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Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML

#19247785
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23673) - you deserved it (5774)

On 03/09/2012 at 9:09pm - misc - by skid kid (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

#6891757
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23672) - you deserved it (2535)

On 12/22/2009 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by omgboobs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

#20519962
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23669) - you deserved it (12654)

On 02/24/2013 at 9:30am - misc - by curly_eyelashes - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML

#19363731
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23667) - you deserved it (4606)

On 03/28/2012 at 2:02pm - animals - by 3hoursleftofwork (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

#14075452
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23665) - you deserved it (3580)

On 12/03/2010 at 8:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a truck rear-ended my car and drove off. I could see everything from my office, everything except his license plate. FML

#18923725
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23663) - you deserved it (1582)

On 01/27/2012 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway

Today, my friends are going to see "The Social Network". They talked about it all through dinner, even though I was sitting right there and I hadn't been invited. When I asked about it, one of them said, "You wouldn't be interested", presumably because I don't use Facebook. He doesn't either. FML

#13281486
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23659) - you deserved it (3095)

On 10/01/2010 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

#21436083
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23671) - you deserved it (2085)

On 07/03/2015 at 10:31pm - misc - by okaydisarray (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I spent ages at CVS waiting for a flu shot. The main cause of holdup was a disagreement between the pharmacist and the insurance company over 4 cents. FML

#14135848
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23660) - you deserved it (2439)

On 12/08/2010 at 9:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

#20490478
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23658) - you deserved it (35911)

On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

#3525
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23656) - you deserved it (5540)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by IEatDammit - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

#17583731
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23655) - you deserved it (3190)

On 08/26/2011 at 3:35am - love - by EpicMayonnaise (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

#7105226
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23654) - you deserved it (3512)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:24pm - work - by Bathroom Problems - France



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