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Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

#19073869
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18456) - you deserved it (2865)

On 02/14/2012 at 1:05pm - misc - by random - United States

Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML

#19708636
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18445) - you deserved it (1925)

On 05/31/2012 at 6:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life. He said that he was really busy. He was playing Call of Duty. FML

#7255890
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18443) - you deserved it (5261)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

#4267
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18442) - you deserved it (3104)

On 01/31/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by lousy - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

#518934
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18438) - you deserved it (76390)

On 03/21/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML

#14528961
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18435) - you deserved it (6335)

On 01/10/2011 at 1:45am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my family went to a football game. It was a little cold, but then it started to rain. I wasn't dressed for rain and I'd left my umbrella in the car. My dad wouldn't let us leave our seats for the whole game. FML

#13754254
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18431) - you deserved it (4584)

On 11/07/2010 at 4:24pm - misc - by kaitlintaylor (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML

#17980981
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18431) - you deserved it (2081)

On 10/14/2011 at 6:36am - misc - by cnkk07 - United States

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

#19399290
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18428) - you deserved it (4111)

On 04/03/2012 at 1:39am - misc - by lizann - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

#19748698
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18418) - you deserved it (3090)

On 06/07/2012 at 7:00am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

#748414
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18416) - you deserved it (109128)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

#4476894
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18416) - you deserved it (36551)

On 08/12/2009 at 3:02pm - misc - by signupsheetfail (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

#11548771
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18413) - you deserved it (25052)

On 06/29/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by Tp (woman) - United States (Texas)



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