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Today, I shaved my legs. I received endless compliments about how great they looked, and how jealous all the girls were. I'm a guy who shaved them for a themed party, for which I dressed up as a girl. FML

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

#887
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19031) - you deserved it (2151)

On 01/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

#5889966
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19031) - you deserved it (2383)

On 10/19/2009 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Joe (man) - Cambodia (Phnum Penh)

Today, I discovered that the seal on my driver's door is defective. I made this discovery when I got rained on while I was getting my car washed. FML

#7678030
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19028) - you deserved it (2598)

On 01/29/2010 at 4:38pm - misc - by minette08 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's day two of my family's camping trip. Despite the weather, bugs, and portapotties, we were doing okay, until the can opener broke. My husband is stubbornly insisting that we live off cereal and peanut butter for another five days. FML

#19766054
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19026) - you deserved it (2745)

On 06/10/2012 at 3:19pm - misc - by Danielle (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

#21243070
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19025) - you deserved it (44399)

On 08/22/2014 at 10:35am - misc - by oops (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

#19611512
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19024) - you deserved it (1748)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

#20184989
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19024) - you deserved it (1451)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:29am - misc - by Rachael (woman) - Australia

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

#3479922
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19020) - you deserved it (38293)

On 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Singed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML

#4144889
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19021) - you deserved it (46947)

On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

#19549742
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19016) - you deserved it (13086)

On 04/29/2012 at 7:56pm - love - by -insert clever nickname here- - United States (Washington)

Today, I was fired for actively seeking employment with another company. Because of having just been fired, the other company will no longer give me the time of day. FML

#20132895
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19013) - you deserved it (3934)

On 10/25/2012 at 4:13pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out "Jake is uncircumcised!" as a joke. The girl I have a crush on was sitting at the table behind me and turned around and asked if it was true. I said yes, she responded with "wow, hope I never have to see that." FML

#5921737
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19009) - you deserved it (3720)

On 10/20/2009 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by badnewsbears (man) - United States (Oregon)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

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