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Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

#21436783
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24056) - you deserved it (1729)

On 07/05/2015 at 12:26pm - misc - by izaya - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

#21313940
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24054) - you deserved it (2286)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:08pm - misc - by blech (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

#21409137
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24054) - you deserved it (3030)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

#3008
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24053) - you deserved it (2612)

On 01/28/2009 at 8:38am - misc - by razzmataz - United States (California)

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

#7604167
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24052) - you deserved it (2838)

On 01/27/2010 at 12:25am - money - by boned (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML

#8510516
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24051) - you deserved it (3935)

On 02/21/2010 at 7:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

#15290209
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24050) - you deserved it (13528)

On 03/13/2011 at 3:39am - misc - by Sparks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is so low. FML

#18844596
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24050) - you deserved it (4366)

On 01/18/2012 at 2:41pm - misc - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, all day, in a huge blizzard, I've been stuck with a very nice, but very ugly, toothless and rather large and somewhat smelly woman, who has been continuously saying, "It feels like we're dating. Doesn't it feel like we're dating?" Ugh. No, no it doesn't. And please don't kill me. FML

#21344628
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24049) - you deserved it (2374)

On 01/26/2015 at 5:19pm - misc - by Yellow an (man) - United States

Today, one of my classmates pointed out that our professor has a habit of sucking his teeth at the end of each sentence. I'd never noticed before. I can't concentrate anymore, all I can focus on is his weird teeth noise thing. FML

#18354788
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24049) - you deserved it (3228)

On 11/26/2011 at 7:18am - work - by taternuts - Canada

Today, I'm spending time with my granny, with whom I'm supposed to live with for a few weeks. I've noticed that she repeats the last word of every sentence I say, and now I'm wondering how it's possible for me to now be so horrible that I want to punch a sweet 92-year-old lady in the head. FML

#18387979
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24046) - you deserved it (5132)

On 11/29/2011 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

#20033618
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24043) - you deserved it (2721)

On 08/21/2012 at 9:04am - animals - by jenA - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a $100 gift card for Victoria's Secret. Suspicious, I checked the receipt he'd left in the bag. Turns out he had bought it during the 2 weeks we were broken up for some other girl who rejected him, so decided to give it to me instead. FML

#19432240
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24042) - you deserved it (6303)

On 04/08/2012 at 8:13pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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