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Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

#19997834
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22378) - you deserved it (17085)

On 08/02/2012 at 2:53am - money - by busted - Canada (Alberta)

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

#20058791
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22375) - you deserved it (3347)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Scholar - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21285495
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22372) - you deserved it (21203)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:35am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I confronted my husband over the fact that despite me working two jobs to support us for the last three years, we're nowhere near our goal of buying a house. He actually had the brass balls to defend pissing my money down the drain on his ceramic cat collection. FML

#19765819
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22369) - you deserved it (5352)

On 06/10/2012 at 2:11pm - money - by Catherine (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my friend and I went to see our favorite band in concert. We walked at least a mile from our parking space and stood in line for two hours. My friend was supposed to have the tickets in her purse. She actually had, but she left her purse in the car. FML

#6626630
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22367) - you deserved it (4474)

On 12/06/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by musiclover (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

#10675411
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22366) - you deserved it (11387)

On 05/21/2010 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML

#19128091
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22366) - you deserved it (3979)

On 02/21/2012 at 12:01am - love - by bloodshedblack - United States (Colorado)

Today, I left the iron and ironing board in my room. While I was at school, my mom decided to do some ironing, and did it in my room for convenience. The iron needed water, so she took a water bottle from my dresser and poured it in. It was my secret vodka stash, and the iron caught on fire. FML

#782957
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22364) - you deserved it (72628)

On 04/03/2009 at 2:13pm - misc - by healey16 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

#17474756
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22364) - you deserved it (6442)

On 08/14/2011 at 10:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

#19726359
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22364) - you deserved it (1828)

On 06/03/2012 at 12:13pm - love - by mothtal (woman) - Bulgaria

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

#7966871
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22362) - you deserved it (1998)

On 02/07/2010 at 7:31am - misc - by wallbanger - Australia (South Australia)

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

#20100917
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22363) - you deserved it (2054)

On 10/04/2012 at 1:09am - love - by nonfreehugs (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I dropped my car keys down the elevator shaft at my dorm. I had parked my car at a parking meter, and now had no way to get change out of my car. It took six hours for someone to get my keys, and I now have a $75 parking ticket. FML

#9128496
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22354) - you deserved it (4318)

On 03/16/2010 at 9:31am - misc - by Lea (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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