Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML

#17620390
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20376) - you deserved it (3478)

On 08/30/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by gofixmyhead (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

#20193921
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20374) - you deserved it (1760)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:47pm - misc - by bieberslayer (woman) - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

#4326549
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20371) - you deserved it (42621)

On 08/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by PeepShow (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized why buying clear pins for the wall is a bad idea. If one falls out, you won't be able to see it with your eyes, but your foot will find it just fine. I also learnt foot wounds can produce a pretty significant geyser of blood. FML

#18812906
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20370) - you deserved it (6116)

On 01/15/2012 at 5:53am - misc - by footbloodfountain - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was kicked out of my review lecture at community college, for "being a disturbance and refusing to stop whistling." I wasn't even given a chance to explain that I have a cold. FML

#19382867
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20368) - you deserved it (2066)

On 03/31/2012 at 2:53pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML

#19459433
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20367) - you deserved it (6403)

On 04/13/2012 at 12:46am - love - by jesifairy - Australia

Today, I found out that the mysterious and creepy weirdo guy that continuously sends me messages on Facebook is my manager at my new job. FML

#20060179
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20367) - you deserved it (1618)

On 09/06/2012 at 7:15am - work - by Jessica S. (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

#2379
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20366) - you deserved it (1880)

On 01/23/2009 at 7:22pm - misc - by raybandy - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

#18933385
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20365) - you deserved it (3276)

On 01/28/2012 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, a friend of mine and I were talking about how hygienic we are. She mentioned she hadn't shaved her downstairs in a while. I was looking at the computer when she said this so when I turned to look at her I saw she had pulled down her pants and underwear. I was face to face with hairy muff. FML

#6646693
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20364) - you deserved it (3525)

On 12/07/2009 at 4:30am - intimacy - by roxyriley - United States (Arizona)

Today, I tried being rebellious for the first time in my life by sneaking out past my curfew. I decided to use my bedroom window to stealthily leave the house. I ended up twisting my ankle when I tried to make my "grand" escape. FML

#21294808
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20363) - you deserved it (26388)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:33pm - health - by thatsureshowedme (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

#7728542
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20362) - you deserved it (2659)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Me - United States

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

#13925206
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20362) - you deserved it (2995)

On 11/21/2010 at 1:36pm - kids - by kaileekat517 (woman) - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • Cynthia's illustrated FML
  • TFIF indeed. It's time to kick off the suit and tie and forget about work. Some of us are going out for drinks with friends, others are going to enjoy some live music and some brave fools are going to keep fit…

Friday 28 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: