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Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

#19873141
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18214) - you deserved it (2101)

On 06/30/2012 at 9:00pm - misc - by pissed off -

Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went up to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML

#20065827
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18215) - you deserved it (1789)

On 09/10/2012 at 2:06am - misc - by NotJessePinkmanFFS (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

#19453436
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18212) - you deserved it (47339)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

#19877296
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18211) - you deserved it (7053)

On 07/01/2012 at 6:57pm - misc - by probablydeadbymidnight (woman) - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

#19918073
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18210) - you deserved it (36506)

On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML

Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

#760336
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18204) - you deserved it (69856)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by aprilfooled (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML

#60521
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18199) - you deserved it (28166)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

#19977133
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18198) - you deserved it (3582)

On 07/22/2012 at 9:05pm - animals - by disappointed (woman) -

Today, my girlfriend's new favorite TV show is Law and Order SVU. Now after every episode she insists on asking me if I'm sure I wasn't molested as a kid. She's still on the first season. FML

#20123502
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18197) - you deserved it (1430)

On 10/19/2012 at 2:41am - misc - by soprahb - United States

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

#18239107
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18196) - you deserved it (20021)

On 11/13/2011 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

#18360025
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18194) - you deserved it (11782)

On 11/26/2011 at 8:51pm - health - by _Oblivion_ - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

#10922943
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18194) - you deserved it (27336)

On 06/02/2010 at 5:31pm - health - by Official_Person (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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