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Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML

by chicoallen / 08/31/2011 at 2:45pm / United States / Work

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

by rxcrs3 / 08/09/2012 at 2:44am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 10:12pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

by Shelby / 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

by snidpea / 01/31/2010 at 12:07pm / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

by Jacquelinez / 05/20/2012 at 2:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

by me / 11/11/2012 at 11:30pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

by Ren / 01/27/2009 at 3:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I returned to work after a restful week-long holiday. Before I left, I'd finished a huge assignment which is due this week. I walk in to find a water pipe has burst just above my desk, flooding our office with water and ruining my computer. Happy New Year to me. FML

by WetWetWet / 01/04/2010 at 6:15am / India (Maharashtra) / Work

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

by rhartnett11 / 02/16/2011 at 7:56am / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into my first car accident. I side swiped the truck next to me merging into another lane. He was in my blind spot. It was a cop. FML

by bym5052 / 07/14/2011 at 8:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, I went to visit my alcoholic father. He remembered to ask me how my dog Reggie is, but could not remember the name of "my pal." My "pal" is also my wife of four years. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2011 at 9:03pm / United States / Animals

Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML

by secret_source / 05/17/2012 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous