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Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

#20106895
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24485) - you deserved it (4410)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

#21165218
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24481) - you deserved it (41091)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:01pm - health - by shartface12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML

#18271256
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24480) - you deserved it (2192)

On 11/17/2011 at 7:43am - misc - by leaf hater - United States

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

#13615368
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24479) - you deserved it (2692)

On 10/27/2010 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by thjeltz - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my parents staged a family intervention and gave me the grandest bollocking I've ever experienced in all my 22 years of life. They did this because my sister showed them a photo of me jokingly posing with three bottles of Bud Light at a party. Apparently, I'm an alcoholic in denial. FML

#18065493
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24479) - you deserved it (4413)

On 10/24/2011 at 6:46pm - misc - by wtf (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML

#13861463
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24477) - you deserved it (3867)

On 11/16/2010 at 2:13am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

#20013286
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24472) - you deserved it (4077)

On 08/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by ice cream dude - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

#19607657
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24471) - you deserved it (3674)

On 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

#12957316
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24471) - you deserved it (3049)

On 09/08/2010 at 12:05am - misc - by arose - United States

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

#8965492
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24470) - you deserved it (3383)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by misty_love (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I lost power. That didn't stop my house alarm from running on battery, loudly informing me in a British accent, "AC power disconnected. BEEP. AC power disconnected. BEEP." It's been going on for 5 hours and the battery takes a special screwdriver to remove. One we don't have. FML

#17632771
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24470) - you deserved it (3880)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:50pm - misc - by Beepbeepbeep (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow. He's 22. FML

#20494713
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24470) - you deserved it (8598)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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