Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

#19026198
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26380) - you deserved it (2102)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:45pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML

#21418659
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26380) - you deserved it (5779)

On 05/31/2015 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend about having plans on tonight so he'd think I had a life outside of him. All my "friends" are going to a party. I'm not invited. FML

#7512878
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26379) - you deserved it (6673)

On 01/23/2010 at 12:04am - love - by voltronn - Sent from mobile version

Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML

#345
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26377) - you deserved it (5011)

On 11/19/2008 at 11:37pm - misc - by lageste - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out my home health patient purposely drinks tons of prune juice every night so I will have a huge mess to clean up in the morning because I'm "a lazy bastard" and I "need to work harder." FML

#19885470
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26378) - you deserved it (2672)

On 07/03/2012 at 11:08am - work - by melikeyturtles - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML

#20640271
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26377) - you deserved it (33924)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:17am - work - by charishard - United States (Texas)

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

#6985807
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26376) - you deserved it (3009)

On 12/28/2009 at 1:26am - love - by KittyNeko (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got mugged. They wanted my phone and wallet. The most important thing in my wallet was my fully punched Smoothie King card. FML

#9100714
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26379) - you deserved it (3773)

On 03/15/2010 at 11:05am - money - by ashleeylynn - United States

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

#21461568
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26374) - you deserved it (2390)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

#6256305
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26372) - you deserved it (14801)

On 11/11/2009 at 11:03am - health - by Timetoloseweight (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

#13759888
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26371) - you deserved it (11416)

On 11/08/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized the closest I've ever been to being hit on was with a car in the school parking lot. Even then, the guy claimed he "didn't notice" me. FML

#17983991
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26371) - you deserved it (2900)

On 10/14/2011 at 6:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, it's been five days since my roommate last talked to me. Although she's not communicating with me verbally, she's excelling at non-verbal communication: slamming doors and drawers, and watching loud videos, all while I desperately try to study. FML

#21345047
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26371) - you deserved it (2802)

On 01/27/2015 at 11:12am - misc - by NoTalkAllGame - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: