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Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

#6687460
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16363) - you deserved it (3694)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML

#13245157
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16362) - you deserved it (38038)

On 09/29/2010 at 1:59am - intimacy - by Claire (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

#1617
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16361) - you deserved it (1518)

On 01/18/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by scarred4life - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

#6286266
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16362) - you deserved it (10732)

On 11/13/2009 at 10:53am - misc - by teepee - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

#21091940
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16360) - you deserved it (62063)

On 03/20/2014 at 5:03pm - misc - by screwed (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

#974
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16351) - you deserved it (1585)

On 01/11/2009 at 3:59pm - health - by EpicFail - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

#19309374
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16350) - you deserved it (3596)

On 03/19/2012 at 7:50pm - money - by moneycatious (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally came to terms with the fact that my girlfriend considers me a glorified ATM. FML

#16144960
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16349) - you deserved it (27649)

On 05/12/2011 at 3:25pm - love - by ClearOne (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML

#19187510
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16349) - you deserved it (42937)

On 02/29/2012 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

#10707989
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16347) - you deserved it (24354)

On 05/23/2010 at 5:21am - misc - by Oops (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

#19591291
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16345) - you deserved it (29902)

On 05/08/2012 at 7:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16343) - you deserved it (108009)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML

#20168119
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16343) - you deserved it (2030)

On 11/18/2012 at 1:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Riga)



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