Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

#4627317
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18327) - you deserved it (61363)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:34pm - love - by badtimingdude (man) - Mauritius

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

#19620502
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18326) - you deserved it (1987)

On 05/14/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

#19583210
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18319) - you deserved it (3715)

On 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm - health - by billiams15 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML

#19944321
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18317) - you deserved it (4746)

On 07/16/2012 at 4:12am - health - by goincrazy - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML

#20056910
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18317) - you deserved it (3804)

On 09/04/2012 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

#6574517
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18315) - you deserved it (10248)

On 12/02/2009 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, it was my wedding day. The best part was when we were taking photos and I threw up on my dress. At least the pictures were outside. FML

#19615153
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18314) - you deserved it (2483)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:28am - health - by whatevershit - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

#18428813
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18313) - you deserved it (41341)

On 12/04/2011 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by wowthatwould (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

#1564480
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18312) - you deserved it (42411)

On 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by screamo (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

#921004
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18312) - you deserved it (88028)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:27am - intimacy - by anon13 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

#15958012
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18311) - you deserved it (25803)

On 04/28/2011 at 12:04am - work - by tryandtryagain (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML

#19987585
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18312) - you deserved it (1956)

On 07/27/2012 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Midlothian)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: