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Today, while at work, a guy complained about me "touching his fries." At first I thought it was a joke, because he kept smiling, even after I offered him new ones. I realized it wasn't a joke when he threw the fries on the counter. FML

#21386179
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23767) - you deserved it (2099)

On 04/01/2015 at 10:04pm - work - by QueenCee - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I were trying out a site on which you talk to strangers using a mic and webcam. We came across a cute guy, who said to my friend, "Tell the fat guy to move." He was referring to me. I'm a girl. FML

Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML

#14286772
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23764) - you deserved it (10340)

On 12/21/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML

#20071617
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23764) - you deserved it (2082)

On 09/14/2012 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

#20064691
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23762) - you deserved it (2802)

On 09/09/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by zed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263
458 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23761) - you deserved it (232992)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "The next person who talks gets a note to take home," one kid looked right at me and went "meow". FML

#891
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23757) - you deserved it (7019)

On 01/09/2009 at 3:54am - kids - by Liz - Sent from mobile version

Today, while watching a man in front of me on the bus remove his cap to scratch his noggin, I noticed the swarm of dandruff that was about to nail me in my face. FML

#18306908
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23756) - you deserved it (2147)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:23am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

#764991
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23755) - you deserved it (105990)

On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, my parents boarded the fad wagon and became Juggalos. FML

#18891757
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23754) - you deserved it (2882)

On 01/23/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by unholy shit (man) - United States

Today, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me the half-eaten chocolate bar that I left in his fridge two weeks ago. FML

#19074036
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23753) - you deserved it (3758)

On 02/14/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by rejected4ever - United States

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

#19719938
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23750) - you deserved it (4814)

On 06/02/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by lol112 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

#20114686
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23749) - you deserved it (2464)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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