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Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML

#7351489
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19827) - you deserved it (7596)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:25am - love - by beriles (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

#2289
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19823) - you deserved it (1929)

On 01/23/2009 at 6:36am - misc - by Spanky - United States (Michigan)

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

#15661118
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19823) - you deserved it (32863)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by mottephobe - United States (Utah)

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

#8774355
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19818) - you deserved it (4579)

On 03/02/2010 at 3:04pm - love - by lonelyashell (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

#13138405
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19816) - you deserved it (8623)

On 09/21/2010 at 1:46am - misc - by yourmom - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

#19515959
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19817) - you deserved it (2447)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:00am - misc - by hoggypig -

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

#20043150
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19815) - you deserved it (12044)

On 08/26/2012 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by unfucked (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I left my sunroof on my truck open for 5 minutes while I ran into the bank. When I came out a seagull had gotten into my truck. I managed to open the doors and get it out but not before it tore up a seat and pooped everywhere inside my truck. FML

#19914260
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19813) - you deserved it (6499)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:44am - misc - by seagull hater - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML

#19720821
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19810) - you deserved it (13141)

On 06/02/2012 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML

#6193403
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19801) - you deserved it (4497)

On 11/07/2009 at 7:55am - intimacy - by Blondegirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

#5876173
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19799) - you deserved it (2057)

On 10/18/2009 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brother, the plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

#19743294
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19796) - you deserved it (1860)

On 06/06/2012 at 8:55am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML

#236958
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19795) - you deserved it (67863)

On 03/07/2009 at 8:15pm - intimacy - by vibratorgirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)



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