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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

#621
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14269) - you deserved it (2208)

On 12/29/2008 at 1:09am - misc - by noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend told me I was almost perfect. And the only reason I'm not completely perfect is because I don't like Mountain Dew. FML

#19837078
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14269) - you deserved it (22587)

On 06/24/2012 at 1:01am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was trapped for 40 minutes in LA traffic after a car overturned and all 5 lanes of the 101 S freeway were closed. When the traffic finally began to move my car wouldn't start since I'd left the headlights on too long and was listening to the radio! And I was in the middle lane of the freeway. FML

#951
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14266) - you deserved it (7609)

On 01/10/2009 at 10:58pm - work - by bubba gump - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)

Today, my body-building addiction hit a whole new level when I begged my friend to sell me her breast milk. FML

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French "What do you want, asshole?". It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

#459140
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14265) - you deserved it (86757)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my grandma sent me a Valentine's Day card. For years she's been hinting at me to lose weight. The card: a picture of cookies on the front and a gym membership inside. FML

#8199501
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14263) - you deserved it (4285)

On 02/13/2010 at 9:22am - misc - by bcca - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

#742417
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14261) - you deserved it (146332)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by blackvogue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14257) - you deserved it (55657)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

#18568615
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14251) - you deserved it (19602)

On 12/21/2011 at 7:30am - intimacy - by Nicki (woman) - Canada

Today, at work, I was calling customers to tell them that they had prescriptions waiting to be picked up. It was a long list and every time I reached an answering machine I left our number so they could call us back. When I was finished, the pharmacist told me I been giving out our fax number. FML

#3582524
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14251) - you deserved it (33281)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:52pm - work - by pharmn00b (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

#1975711
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14250) - you deserved it (47108)

On 05/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by penguinsfan (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I went on a movie date. During the movie, I picked a small zit on my forehead. Afterwards, at dinner, he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of my face. I thought he was staring lovingly at me. He was actually staring at a large throbbing zit with a trail of blood coming from it. FML

#3692472
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14245) - you deserved it (55644)

On 07/12/2009 at 2:18pm - love - by Zitty (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

#19938478
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14244) - you deserved it (1710)

On 07/14/2012 at 8:22pm - misc - by arghgffhdfg (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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