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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my cat didn't quite manage to eat the whole turkey because it was frozen. He just licked it all over. FML

#615
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24838) - you deserved it (4803)

On 12/28/2008 at 2:02am - animals - by bundie - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML

#19032094
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24838) - you deserved it (2448)

On 02/09/2012 at 1:42am - misc - by Falcon - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

#20442898
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24836) - you deserved it (4534)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:56pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

#21402837
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24834) - you deserved it (11329)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:24am - love - by Forever alone - United States (Nebraska)

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

#19650597
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24832) - you deserved it (2120)

On 05/20/2012 at 6:21am - misc - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my mother came over again to help me work on my Student Aid application. She also brought over the savings bonds that she has been accumulating since I was born to help pay for college. Turns out they won't reach maturity until I'm thirty. She never bothered to check out this fact. I'm screwed for college. FML

#14476476
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24831) - you deserved it (3178)

On 01/05/2011 at 5:52pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I fell off my bike. I grazed my knee, shin, thigh, hip, collar bone, shoulder and face. I also strained my wrist. As I was wheeling my bike away, I stung my other leg on nettles. FML

#12861680
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24831) - you deserved it (4091)

On 09/01/2010 at 10:31pm - health - by jodulieu - Sent from mobile version

Today, Santa ran over my foot with a Segway. FML

#18435117
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24831) - you deserved it (2795)

On 12/05/2011 at 8:21am - misc - by areyouserial - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents remembered that I loved German chocolate cake, so I awoke to a hot, fudge-filled chocolate cake with a slice cut out just for me. I've been lactose-intolerant for 8 years. As I cried, my mom handed me tissues, while eating the "Happy" part of my cake. FML

#13006773
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24831) - you deserved it (5040)

On 09/11/2010 at 5:46pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

#13019644
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24830) - you deserved it (9466)

On 09/12/2010 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

#12756
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24824) - you deserved it (5506)

On 02/07/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by Flubber (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, on my first day at a new job, my boss asked how old I was. I replied, "Eighteen." She responded that she was my age thirty years ago, which makes her the same age as my mum. When I told her, she gave me a puzzled look, so I repeated myself. She was my age thirteen years ago, not thirty. FML

#245
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24823) - you deserved it (12737)

On 11/07/2008 at 10:33am - work - by Ulysse - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to tell me. FML

#8039687
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24823) - you deserved it (5386)

On 02/09/2010 at 1:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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