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Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

#2112400
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14322) - you deserved it (67370)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:54pm - misc - by Sweeney (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML

#7876
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14321) - you deserved it (28883)

On 02/04/2009 at 11:44am - health - by Harejordan (man) - United States (California)

Today, and for the last 8 months my upstairs neighbours have been making a tremendous noise. I finally decided to go up to complain: "The amount of noise you make is unbelievable ! It sounds like you're driving tractors up here!". The woman replies: "My husband is paraplegic..." FML

#654
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14318) - you deserved it (7225)

On 01/01/2009 at 3:49am - misc - by Jared - Sent from mobile version

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML

#5146235
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14314) - you deserved it (38175)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:37am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

#20071482
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14313) - you deserved it (23913)

On 09/14/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

#1739978
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14311) - you deserved it (27554)

On 05/08/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

#2414317
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14307) - you deserved it (47148)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by theskippster - United States (Maryland)

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

#1930454
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14305) - you deserved it (87464)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend said we should re-enact a porn episode he saw. I jokingly said yes. He had an outfit and everything. I thought it was going to be fun, until he started playing Bon Jovi in the background. FML

#8910631
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14306) - you deserved it (5129)

On 03/08/2010 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Ah - Sent from mobile version

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

#19642956
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14302) - you deserved it (3766)

On 05/18/2012 at 5:50pm - misc - by ooh cat - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

#20087243
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14302) - you deserved it (27364)

On 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by Fingkids - United States

Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML

#19602686
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14299) - you deserved it (3334)

On 05/10/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by tinydancer (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

#982369
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14296) - you deserved it (41483)

On 04/15/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)



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