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Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

#19123444
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19344) - you deserved it (3062)

On 02/20/2012 at 2:39pm - animals - by good_gravy (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML

#18808709
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19340) - you deserved it (3479)

On 01/14/2012 at 8:24pm - misc - by 2gewd4u - United States (Texas)

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple smirnoff, I puked up the Chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

#4209
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19339) - you deserved it (6828)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by helloworld92 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole that dumped me last week. FML

#1869
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19337) - you deserved it (4656)

On 01/20/2009 at 10:16am - work - by Heartbroken - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

#8958709
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19337) - you deserved it (2684)

On 03/09/2010 at 10:12pm - health - by whoanoa (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML

#19787882
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19335) - you deserved it (2230)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:40pm - misc - by eeeee (woman) - United States

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

#563
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19331) - you deserved it (2349)

On 12/21/2008 at 7:14am - misc - by Phil - Sent from mobile version

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

#18761423
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19329) - you deserved it (1998)

On 01/09/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I cut my nice and tasty home-made sandwich in half to give to a homeless man. He tasted it, pulled an unimpressed face, and then stuck it in his pocket. FML

#496
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19328) - you deserved it (2382)

On 12/11/2008 at 9:30pm - misc - by groom - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out why you don't let your kids grab your arms while their hands are covered in glitter glue. Easy to get it on you, extremely painful to rip from your arm hairs. FML

#13390544
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19326) - you deserved it (5043)

On 10/10/2010 at 8:47am - kids - by hairyarms (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

#19651204
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19327) - you deserved it (7701)

On 05/20/2012 at 11:03am - health - by jcdc - United States (Texas)

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

#125777
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19324) - you deserved it (60826)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

#19528720
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19324) - you deserved it (2211)

On 04/25/2012 at 7:08pm - misc - by horselover7766 - United States (New Jersey)



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