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Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother. And my mom texted me asking me to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

#5977598
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18423) - you deserved it (2340)

On 10/24/2009 at 5:23pm - intimacy - by this_is_fucked (woman) - Zimbabwe (Mashonaland East)

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

#17968240
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18417) - you deserved it (11944)

On 10/12/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Nickname (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

#19073869
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18416) - you deserved it (2862)

On 02/14/2012 at 1:05pm - misc - by random - United States

Today, my family went to a football game. It was a little cold, but then it started to rain. I wasn't dressed for rain and I'd left my umbrella in the car. My dad wouldn't let us leave our seats for the whole game. FML

#13754254
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18412) - you deserved it (4581)

On 11/07/2010 at 4:24pm - misc - by kaitlintaylor (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML

#17980981
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18406) - you deserved it (2079)

On 10/14/2011 at 6:36am - misc - by cnkk07 - United States

Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML

#14528961
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18404) - you deserved it (6326)

On 01/10/2011 at 1:45am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

#4267
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18404) - you deserved it (3102)

On 01/31/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by lousy - United States (Alabama)

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

#11548771
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18399) - you deserved it (25027)

On 06/29/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by Tp (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

#1639101
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18399) - you deserved it (58490)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:27pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

#4476894
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18398) - you deserved it (36509)

On 08/12/2009 at 3:02pm - misc - by signupsheetfail (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life. He said that he was really busy. He was playing Call of Duty. FML

#7255890
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18398) - you deserved it (5255)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

#11322556
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18396) - you deserved it (27861)

On 06/20/2010 at 12:11am - health - by LoveYouTooMa (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

#748414
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18394) - you deserved it (109019)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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