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Today, I watched as a guy hit my car, laugh when he saw me running towards him, and drive away. FML

by sam / 01/16/2011 at 10:32pm / Transportation

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

by / 12/30/2008 at 8:36pm / Love

Today, my boyfriend was talking to me on the land line when his cell phone rang. He told me to wait "two seconds" while he talked to a classmate. Their "two second" conversation lasted ten minutes, and now I can hear the French Open on the TV in background. He forgot he was talking to me. FML

by chiclet / 06/01/2010 at 10:34pm / Love

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

by the girlfriend / 08/26/2011 at 6:41am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I stepped out for some fresh air while I waited for my clothes to dry at the laundromat. Just as I was retrieving my clothes, a disheveled-looking kid staggered over, pushed me aside, and started vomiting his guts out all over my fresh clothes. FML

by herpmonster / 06/23/2012 at 12:59pm / Italy / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking behind my mother when she was mowing the lawn. She unknowingly mowed over a wasps' nest that was in the grass. Guess who the wasps decided to seek revenge on. FML

by WCARlover / 06/19/2015 at 11:43pm / United States (Maine) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while ice-skating with my girlfriend, I tried to do what they do in the movies and make her gently fall into my arms. Instead she slipped, fell, and hit her head on the ice. FML

by holy sleet / 11/29/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I looked at my face to see if my new age-defying lotion was working. My skin does look younger, it's covered in pimples like a teenager's. FML

by pizzaface / 03/15/2010 at 7:50am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

by HtotheFtotheS / 04/03/2015 at 3:05pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a phone call in my office to my doctor. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed "I definitely prefer oral." FML

by me / 06/22/2012 at 3:28am / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I found out I sleepwalk. How you might ask? By awakening the moment just before I fell from the stairs. I was better off sleeping. FML

by Eloy Ymer / 08/22/2010 at 7:51pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Health

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got up the courage to tell my boyfriend of a year and a half that I love him. His response was to start to snore, pretending to be asleep. FML

by c / 02/08/2012 at 7:07pm / Love