Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

#5889966
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19718) - you deserved it (2448)

On 10/19/2009 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Joe (man) - Cambodia (Phnum Penh)

Today, my boss got a promotion and I got laid off. FML

#837
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19717) - you deserved it (1728)

On 01/01/2009 at 1:21pm - work - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wrote the most beautiful college application essay ever, ten minutes before the online deadline. Instead of clicking "submit", I clicked the button next to it that said "return". The entire essay vanished into internet wasteland. FML

#5853326
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19715) - you deserved it (40785)

On 10/16/2009 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML

#777
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19714) - you deserved it (16351)

On 01/07/2009 at 12:00pm - love - by Faxshadow - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, while out to lunch, my sister called me and asked me to pick her up from the mall. I told her she'd have to wait. She got pissed off and started cursing at me, so I hung up on her. She called me back 37 times until I answered and yelled "WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" It was my boss. FML

#227802
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19713) - you deserved it (47107)

On 03/06/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by jacks_smirking_revenge (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got back my history paper. The whole paper had been crossed out and at the end, my professor had written "Really?!" I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

#13108998
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19710) - you deserved it (12721)

On 09/19/2010 at 2:21am - animals - by jillydark6609 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

#4299524
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19708) - you deserved it (40817)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I picked up my computer which had been at the repair shop for two weeks. I quickly logged on to MSN to talk to the girl who I'd been hitting on for weeks. Her profile picture was a photo of herself with her new boyfriend. FML

#531
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19705) - you deserved it (4090)

On 12/17/2008 at 2:15am - love - by Falouila - Sent from mobile version

Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML

#8774277
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19699) - you deserved it (2965)

On 03/02/2010 at 2:57pm - health - by beateneggs - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML

#13930186
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19699) - you deserved it (3588)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:51pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML

#10726824
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19696) - you deserved it (8434)

On 05/24/2010 at 1:21am - misc - by HairyLeggedItalian (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML

#225953
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19692) - you deserved it (61092)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by ToobyFrank - United States (Missouri)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: