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Today, I found my pit bull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He had peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60 dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

by dogless / 12/04/2009 at 5:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I left the hospital after having knee surgery. While trying to find my balance on my crutches, I was holding onto the roof of the car. My mum slammed the car door shut, not noticing my hand. I can barely even bend my fingers to hold onto my crutches. FML

by badluckbrianna / 10/07/2012 at 1:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dog brought me a a dead rabbit. It so happened to be the rabbit a group of neighborhood kids were looking for after they lost it yesterday. I just had to hide a body for my dog. FML

by savannahsboxxx / 07/11/2015 at 8:09am / United States / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I made a phone call in my office to my doctor. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed "I definitely prefer oral." FML

by me / 06/22/2012 at 3:28am / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house while he was at work, and put on his pants to make some tea. As I took my hot tea and laptop upstairs, the pants slowly started to fall down. I had to keep climbing with my pants around my knees, and shuffle awkwardly past my boyfriend's father. FML

Today, I watched as a guy hit my car, laugh when he saw me running towards him, and drive away. FML

by sam / 01/16/2011 at 10:32pm / Transportation

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

by the girlfriend / 08/26/2011 at 6:41am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 2:26am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to write my own notice for enforced redundancy because my boss just went on a two week vacation. He told me to just forge his signature and that, if I wouldn't do it, he'd just make something up to dismiss me on codes of conduct. FML

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

by Hooty / 09/02/2015 at 5:52pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a toilet cubicle, when I overheard two of my friends at the sink talking about how ugly and skinny I was. FML

by Youknowwho / 01/17/2009 at 9:55pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

by fmlforreal / 10/15/2010 at 4:33am / Singapore / Geek

Today, my husband was fired for chatting online for the third time in a month during office hours. Who was he chatting with? Me, telling him to get off the chat programme so he wouldn't lose his job. FML

by facepalm / 12/28/2009 at 5:35am / Singapore / Work