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Today, I put my hamster in his ball, and spent about an hour cleaning his cage. When I came back, I realized he wasn't even alive. FML

#8189417
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22392) - you deserved it (6513)

On 02/13/2010 at 12:04am - animals - by Chris - United States (California)

Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML

#19508765
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22392) - you deserved it (4020)

On 04/21/2012 at 11:27pm - health - by JurassicHole (man) - United States

Today, I was working in a call center when I smelled perfume. I'm allergic, and it triggered my asthma. When I came back, some jerk had sprayed it all over my work area. I couldn't go near it for the rest of my shift, therefore I had to go home early, and got my paycheck docked. FML

#20143862
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22393) - you deserved it (1842)

On 11/02/2012 at 12:13am - work - by John - United States

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

#13742923
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22386) - you deserved it (3556)

On 11/06/2010 at 8:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

#19981825
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22385) - you deserved it (4964)

On 07/24/2012 at 4:08pm - health - by *facefloor* (man) - United States

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

#21235686
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22381) - you deserved it (36636)

On 08/12/2014 at 6:21am - kids - by jake - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

#21062623
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22380) - you deserved it (39507)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by extra crispy or original recipe (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that every day without fail, the muffins I've been making and giving to my husband for work have been hitting speeding cars' windshields. FML

#14344893
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22379) - you deserved it (3820)

On 12/26/2010 at 10:47am - misc - by muffdriver (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

#5772637
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22377) - you deserved it (3620)

On 10/11/2009 at 6:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newport)

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

#8765268
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22377) - you deserved it (2512)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Lin - United States (California)

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

#19997834
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22375) - you deserved it (17084)

On 08/02/2012 at 2:53am - money - by busted - Canada (Alberta)

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

#20058791
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22375) - you deserved it (3347)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Scholar - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21285495
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22371) - you deserved it (21202)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:35am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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