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Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML

#18950332
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20298) - you deserved it (2802)

On 01/30/2012 at 4:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

#19352692
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20298) - you deserved it (3432)

On 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Mandy - United States

Today, I tried being rebellious for the first time in my life by sneaking out past my curfew. I decided to use my bedroom window to stealthily leave the house. I ended up twisting my ankle when I tried to make my "grand" escape. FML

#21294808
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20310) - you deserved it (26221)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:33pm - health - by thatsureshowedme (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I found out from my mom that the sweet smelling shampoo she bought recently belongs to Tammi. I've been using it for a week now. The chocolate drops I ate yesterday are also hers. Tammi is our pet Chihuahua. FML

#6648312
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20295) - you deserved it (8137)

On 12/07/2009 at 9:44am - misc - by cookiecrust (woman) - Singapore

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

#8448273
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20294) - you deserved it (3321)

On 02/19/2010 at 5:00pm - health - by lexiiiiiiweee - United States

Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML

#14109334
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20294) - you deserved it (4106)

On 12/06/2010 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed with myself for lasting through multiple songs. Then I realized her ipod was playing a medley. I only lasted 3 1/2 minutes. FML

#4954327
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20292) - you deserved it (9368)

On 08/31/2009 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by sadinthesack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20290) - you deserved it (38688)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

#20161557
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20291) - you deserved it (2012)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:00am - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

#7925151
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20288) - you deserved it (4982)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:28am - misc - by Karie-Rose (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was directing a video shoot of a big Christmas show with 750 people attending. After the first half of the show recorded; during intermission, I accidentally deleted the show as people were signing up to buy the DVD. FML

#14102219
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20287) - you deserved it (14566)

On 12/06/2010 at 12:00am - work - by kermudgen - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

#16200408
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20286) - you deserved it (60900)

On 05/16/2011 at 1:40am - intimacy - by phoenix101 -

Today, my boyfriend took me on a romantic weekend away at a hotel. What is he doing now? On his computer looking up stuff on Craigslist while I am watching t.v. alone. FML

#8230215
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20285) - you deserved it (2889)

On 02/14/2010 at 12:03am - love - by lonelygirl (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



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