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Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

#21432333
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26483) - you deserved it (2227)

On 06/26/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Zambia

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

#6622206
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26482) - you deserved it (6283)

On 12/05/2009 at 8:24pm - work - by bleeding (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML

#18557623
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26482) - you deserved it (2329)

On 12/19/2011 at 10:53pm - work - by me (woman) - United States

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

#1387325
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26481) - you deserved it (127644)

On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at the zoo, I noticed a boy throwing candy into the warthog's exhibit. The fastest way to get there was to go through the exhibit, and speak to the kid from inside. I must have said three words when a lollipop hit me in the eye. Then the warthog peed on me. FML

#18556039
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26481) - you deserved it (4000)

On 12/19/2011 at 7:56pm - work - by jigglypuff100 (woman) - United States

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

#21452786
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26479) - you deserved it (2909)

On 08/06/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by ugly duckling - United States (Virginia)

Today, an attractive man hit on me for the first time since I ended my 3-year relationship with my cheating ex. Then the man told me he'd just gotten out of prison last week. FML

#21446001
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26477) - you deserved it (2622)

On 07/23/2015 at 1:29pm - love - by monogamyisalie - United States

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

#20446465
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26475) - you deserved it (7693)

On 01/07/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got hurt and spent the remainder of the day limping. I wish I could say it was from something badass like roller derby, but I can't. A woman with a rolling cart filled with packs of Pepsi rolled over my foot on the bus. FML

#15809237
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26474) - you deserved it (3950)

On 04/16/2011 at 3:18pm - health - by pepsifoot - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

#21435904
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26474) - you deserved it (2537)

On 07/03/2015 at 3:02pm - misc - by Rusty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was messing around with my boyfriend, trying to get him to tell me he loved me more than KISS, his favorite band. He couldn't do it. FML

#6985452
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26473) - you deserved it (11474)

On 12/28/2009 at 1:13am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML

#20086643
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26474) - you deserved it (3406)

On 09/24/2012 at 2:21pm - work - by izziegrl - Mexico (Mexico)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

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  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
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Friday 5 February 2016

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