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Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2009 at 5:54pm / United States (Nebraska) / Transportation

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

by Lisa / 11/04/2010 at 10:42am / United States (New Hampshire) / Money

Today, I found out that when I thought the bullying had finally stopped, the bullies had actually been sponsored to be nice for charity. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 8:19am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML

by kitkat1740 / 11/16/2015 at 7:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned from vacation. Because of rain, I spent 3 days sitting in a hotel room, watching a TV with bad reception. I'm now less relaxed that if I'd have just stayed home, because that wouldn't have cost me $500, and my TV has more than 15 channels. So much for my first vacation in 5 years. FML

by not_relaxed / 10/25/2010 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I taught a very involved healthy nutrition program to underprivileged youths at a local center. We even made them a healthy snack at the end of the program. Within minutes of the program being over, we catch some of our fellow volunteers feeding the kids Oreos. FML

by Pickle / 03/03/2011 at 1:58am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

by Busted / 12/31/2009 at 3:52pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Holidays

Today, I am contemplating ending my relationship of 6 years. My boyfriend is too busy playing with a plastic guitar to listen. FML

by fyou / 01/24/2009 at 5:09pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

by Drunk / 09/13/2010 at 7:40pm / United States (Alabama) / Work

Today, I took my driver's test. I was so nervous that I peed my pants halfway through the exam. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2010 at 10:46am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation