FYI being married is not consent for sex. She doesn’t owe you an explanation. No means no. Respect her boundaries and learn to use your hand or buy a blowup doll.

in Islam a marriage is a package of rights and duties, ans sex is both right and duty to both parties, it is considered a big sin to refuse having sex with your partner, my wife understands that very well, I also understand when she is not into it. just giving you a perspective from a different common sense culture. This may get downvoted hard but idc,

Her framing has turned your marriage into a toxic transactional relationship vs a lifelong partnership. Don't engage with her on her terms, and don't let her gaslight into being defensive or having to prove your worthiness. I hate to say it, but your marriage is likely over for all practical purposes but might be saved with counseling if you can get her to commit to it. I doubt it.

She’s changed the rules in the middle of the game without even discussing things with you. Time to reconsider the relationship.

You guys need to have a serious heart to heart or go see a counselor and see if the marriage still worth saving? There is clearly underlying issues here.

she doesn't owe sex, buy she is supposed to want it, with the man she professes to love and care for. if lust isn't there, it is reasonable to question if feelings are there. if she says they are, but she doesn't feel lust, then it is reasonable to discuss an open relationship. it is not reasonable to expect another person to deny themselves, because you can't figure yourself out.