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Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML

#19635383
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22818) - you deserved it (1642)

On 05/17/2012 at 1:05am - misc - by secret_source (woman) - United States

Today, I was bitched out by my supervisor because of my lack of "customer service" skills. I work at a jail and all my "customers" are criminals. FML

#20152272
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22817) - you deserved it (4107)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:48am - work - by jailofc (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

#204444
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22816) - you deserved it (103931)

On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

#6665915
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22816) - you deserved it (2974)

On 12/08/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by umm - United States (Texas)

Today, I picked up my car from the repair shop, drove two miles, and ran out of gas. I then walked to get gas, put a gallon of gas in the car, and tried to start it. The battery was too weak to start the car, and died on the spot. FML

#19896001
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22816) - you deserved it (2216)

On 07/05/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by 303 - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

#20155036
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22816) - you deserved it (2187)

On 11/08/2012 at 2:03pm - love - by 99Problemsandfml - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML

#19987750
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22810) - you deserved it (7963)

On 07/27/2012 at 5:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

#17910752
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22809) - you deserved it (7563)

On 10/05/2011 at 11:29am - kids - by Pissed (woman) - Australia

Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML

#19806122
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22808) - you deserved it (5486)

On 06/18/2012 at 6:22am - intimacy - by the critic (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working as a manager at a restaurant, the "All employees must wash hands" sign in the bathroom was stolen. Now my employees won't wash their hands because they "don't have to." FML

#19986926
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22807) - you deserved it (2180)

On 07/27/2012 at 5:25am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

#4993116
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22803) - you deserved it (3500)

On 09/02/2009 at 2:33am - intimacy - by sexytime (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

#4992534
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22803) - you deserved it (6215)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - intimacy - by turdburger (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML

#18657725
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22805) - you deserved it (2582)

On 12/30/2011 at 9:43pm - misc - by axel519 (man) - United States



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