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Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19764) - you deserved it (40567)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML

#19369519
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19763) - you deserved it (1798)

On 03/29/2012 at 11:42am - work - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm and cause cancer. FML

#18956163
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19761) - you deserved it (4533)

On 01/30/2012 at 9:34pm - misc - by dumb mother (man) - United States (California)

Today, during a basketball game, I fell into metal chairs which then decided to fold in, causing me to fall to the floor in a very dramatic and painful fall. When I stood up, so did everyone else and they were all clapping, including the other team. FML

#7925072
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19759) - you deserved it (2953)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:25am - health - by aurorason - Sent from mobile version

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19755) - you deserved it (36444)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

#20066447
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19754) - you deserved it (7088)

On 09/10/2012 at 5:20pm - work - by kevcng (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19749) - you deserved it (3148)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a man was struggling up some slippery steps with a pram, when his sunglasses fell from his head. I hurried to pick them up for him, as he had no free hands, but instead accidentally stood on them, snapping them in half. FML

#15185285
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19749) - you deserved it (15128)

On 03/03/2011 at 10:23am - misc - by Emily -

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently my nose hair scares him. FML

#19238495
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19748) - you deserved it (12082)

On 03/08/2012 at 9:30am - love - by hairy (woman) - Serbia

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

#1017007
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19748) - you deserved it (53530)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by xnickx (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I had dinner with my family at a fancy restaurant. They kept commenting about how cold it was and asked the waitress to turn off the air conditioning. When I got home, I realized the embroidered daisies on my undershirt made it look like I have giant protruding nipples. FML

#5243719
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19745) - you deserved it (5108)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML

#8989012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19746) - you deserved it (2264)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:30am - animals - by stuckathome (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

#7103723
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19746) - you deserved it (3180)

On 01/02/2010 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by xxxzzzooo (woman) - United States (New York)



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