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Today, for my birthday, instead of a cake, my friends surprised me with a castle mainly made out of bacon. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I fucking hate bacon. FML

#18079662
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24720) - you deserved it (47834)

On 10/26/2011 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

#21328982
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24720) - you deserved it (11271)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by 30000 - United States (California)

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

#21411404
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24720) - you deserved it (6600)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:05am - health - by no more flips - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

#20150645
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24719) - you deserved it (2721)

On 11/06/2012 at 3:27pm - animals - by creedonfied - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

#20192758
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24718) - you deserved it (1623)

On 12/05/2012 at 6:27pm - money - by lonelyandcold (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML

#9158160
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24717) - you deserved it (3723)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:16pm - health - by Ouch (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

#20054806
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24716) - you deserved it (2160)

On 09/02/2012 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

#11054776
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24715) - you deserved it (3949)

On 06/08/2010 at 10:24am - health - by Rach (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I drank a beer that I thought was mine, it wasn't and someone had put out their cigarette in it. FML

#757
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24714) - you deserved it (10841)

On 11/15/2008 at 10:36pm - health - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realised that the steamy photos that I took with my ex a few months ago had not been erased from his father's camera. FML

#441
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24713) - you deserved it (17455)

On 12/03/2008 at 2:26am - intimacy - by Yum - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend called me and said she needs to take a break from our relationship. Why? Her really clingy ex is really depressed about her dating someone else and he isn't ready to accept it. So she wants to take a break "for his sake" until he's over her. FML

#21447496
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24713) - you deserved it (1965)

On 07/26/2015 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

#14494219
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24709) - you deserved it (2733)

On 01/07/2011 at 4:11am - work - by dibman (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML

#19377820
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24709) - you deserved it (2783)

On 03/30/2012 at 6:21pm - love - by sad (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)



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