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Today, after having lost 11 pounds following my pregnancy, I felt sexy and put on a cute outfit for my husband. When he walked into the bedroom, he ended up passing me three times, and then went to bed without a word. FML

by tiffany / 09/18/2012 at 2:24pm / Canada / Love

Today, I found out that my best friend is being sacked. He's also about to rent a new apartment which he won't be able to afford when he loses his job. I can't warn him or I'll breach confidentiality and lose my job as well. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2016 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Work

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

by dooommage / 11/14/2008 at 10:27pm / Animals

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2012 at 2:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my doctor confirmed that the extreme pain I've been experiencing is due to a kidney stone. My friend decided this was the time to tell me that passing a kidney stone is the male equivalent of child birth. Hello even more pain. FML

by bjevilcat2 / 10/18/2010 at 2:02pm / United States / Health

Today, the maintenance man 'fixed' a leak in my apartment by flooding the place. FML

by sproket / 04/11/2011 at 7:37pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

by seriously / 03/04/2013 at 7:43pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I had to walk through the blistering snow, because my boss needed something really important: cream cheese. FML

by Renesmeekuhnell / 02/28/2010 at 11:00am / Denmark (Arhus) / Work

Today, my seemingly normal girlfriend decided to erase every girl's name out of my phone. Family and all. FML

by DCarreon / 10/04/2012 at 3:13am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

by ButtWorthSingingBout / 01/01/2015 at 1:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2012 at 10:54am / United States / Health

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

by Disturbed / 12/30/2008 at 3:27pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking behind my mother when she was mowing the lawn. She unknowingly mowed over a wasps' nest that was in the grass. Guess who the wasps decided to seek revenge on. FML

by WCARlover / 06/19/2015 at 11:43pm / United States (Maine) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.