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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML

#16529159
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23804) - you deserved it (4208)

On 06/06/2011 at 12:01pm - work - by surefeelslikelove (woman) -

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

#20170390
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23803) - you deserved it (3103)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:03am - love - by Chris (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's my birthday. My dad came to pick me up, but after I had put my backpack in the back seat and closed the car door, he drove off without me. It started to rain, and I was without my phone or wallet. FML

#17682370
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23803) - you deserved it (2000)

On 09/06/2011 at 6:53pm - misc - by poisongrl (woman) - Macedonia (Karpos)

Today, I walked to my car to find a window smashed in. Lucky for me, nothing was stolen. It did, however, rain all morning. FML

#7397995
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23801) - you deserved it (2023)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:45pm - misc - by russty (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

#17737867
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23800) - you deserved it (6090)

On 09/13/2011 at 5:40pm - misc - by steph - China

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

#6141684
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23799) - you deserved it (4830)

On 11/03/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by scaryhairy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

#20081762
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23799) - you deserved it (12989)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

#14199990
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23797) - you deserved it (5612)

On 12/14/2010 at 6:52am - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

#6300259
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23792) - you deserved it (6792)

On 11/14/2009 at 12:31pm - misc - by SpeakerPhone (woman) - France (Alsace)

Today, I found out why I can't sleep at night. My wife switched my sleep aid pills with energy pills. FML

#20007763
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23791) - you deserved it (2125)

On 08/07/2012 at 1:59pm - love - by Blackfell - United States

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

#6978473
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23789) - you deserved it (9073)

On 12/27/2009 at 7:37pm - love - by ITalkGood - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

#19851648
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23789) - you deserved it (1668)

On 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

#19586621
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23787) - you deserved it (5526)

On 05/07/2012 at 10:08am - misc - by thepigeonsfriend (woman) - United Kingdom



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