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Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call about one of my applications. I wasn't able to answer it, but he left a voicemail. I've listened to it over and over, and I can't understand the contact information. He called from a restricted number. FML

#20033836
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23273) - you deserved it (1568)

On 08/21/2012 at 12:45pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

#20446465
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23272) - you deserved it (7209)

On 01/07/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

#19388939
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23271) - you deserved it (9525)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States

Today, I playfully nudged my friend on the shoulder. She countered by shoving me head-first into a trash can. FML

#16077994
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23270) - you deserved it (9427)

On 05/07/2011 at 12:26pm - misc - by Cheerieful - United States

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

#21134321
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23269) - you deserved it (48108)

On 05/08/2014 at 7:46pm - work - by notbrowsingnow (man) - United States

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML

#6933145
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23262) - you deserved it (2953)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:25am - animals - by suuuuuupucci (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friends are going to see "The Social Network". They talked about it all through dinner, even though I was sitting right there and I hadn't been invited. When I asked about it, one of them said, "You wouldn't be interested", presumably because I don't use Facebook. He doesn't either. FML

#13281486
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23261) - you deserved it (3066)

On 10/01/2010 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

#21165218
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23262) - you deserved it (39119)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:01pm - health - by shartface12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I hit a parked car. It happened to be my driving instructor's car. While he was instructing me, sitting in the passenger seat. I don't think I'll pass. FML

#6497177
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23260) - you deserved it (13257)

On 11/28/2009 at 4:37pm - misc - by badDriver (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

#14969224
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23259) - you deserved it (3497)

On 02/14/2011 at 2:14am - misc - by datingamoron (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

#14815475
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23257) - you deserved it (5688)

On 02/02/2011 at 6:57pm - misc - by hehe -

Today, I found out that the only reason my guy friends actually hang out with me at my house all the time is because they think my mom is hot. FML

#19994293
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23257) - you deserved it (2154)

On 07/31/2012 at 10:21am - misc - by loser (man) - United States

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

#20180681
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23257) - you deserved it (12161)

On 11/27/2012 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)



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