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Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

#19410282
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26564) - you deserved it (2579)

On 04/05/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Lionman (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

#20498382
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26564) - you deserved it (3510)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was detained for trying to "illegally enter" my house, all because my parents forgot to tell me they were being evicted. FML

#21449546
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26563) - you deserved it (1585)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:38pm - misc - by College_Grad (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my sister, but they already knew each other from my sister's work. She's an exotic dancer. FML

#19966736
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26561) - you deserved it (2529)

On 07/21/2012 at 2:18am - misc - by Closingwild - Mexico (Jalisco)

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

#20044244
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26560) - you deserved it (3298)

On 08/27/2012 at 8:57am - love - by kvdfan (woman) - United States

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

#21387075
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26560) - you deserved it (3639)

On 04/03/2015 at 3:05pm - misc - by HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, at work, I dropped two bottles of wine on the floor. Unbelievably, they both didn't break. That, however, did not stop my boss from taking a few points away on my evaluation. My $3 raise is now reduced to $0.25. FML

Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML

#17869528
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26556) - you deserved it (2418)

On 09/30/2011 at 7:10am - misc - by happymum - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

#21467707
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26555) - you deserved it (1758)

On 09/12/2015 at 5:34pm - kids - by auraya1985 - United Kingdom

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

#21425418
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26553) - you deserved it (2692)

On 06/13/2015 at 11:47am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, the maintenance man 'fixed' a leak in my apartment by flooding the place. FML

#15744069
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26550) - you deserved it (2561)

On 04/11/2011 at 7:37pm - misc - by sproket -

Today, I had to walk through the blistering snow, because my boss needed something really important: cream cheese. FML

#8715488
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26549) - you deserved it (2839)

On 02/28/2010 at 11:00am - work - by Renesmeekuhnell (woman) - Denmark (Arhus)

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

#19680165
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26550) - you deserved it (2580)

On 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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