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Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

#2732
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18594) - you deserved it (3923)

On 01/26/2009 at 7:21pm - love - by soundbox - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML

#13664079
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18593) - you deserved it (6991)

On 10/31/2010 at 2:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had an important interview. On the way there, I stopped in front of a car window to look at my reflection, checking I didn't have salad stuck between my teeth. Having pulled several faces, I realised that there were two girls inside the car, cracking up with laughter. FML

#419
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18592) - you deserved it (9925)

On 11/30/2008 at 5:51am - misc - by Groom - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was really stressed, so I tried to let it out by crying. It lasted about 30 seconds, and I was making fun of myself the whole time. Even my subconscious thinks I'm pathetic. FML

#19636428
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18592) - you deserved it (4506)

On 05/17/2012 at 10:37am - health - by Username (man) - Australia

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

#20169381
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18592) - you deserved it (16218)

On 11/19/2012 at 11:15am - animals - by crazycatlady (woman) - United States

Today, while cleaning behind a ladder, I banged my head on one of the hand rails. I stood up, cursed, and moved to the other side. To my luck, I hit the other side of my head. I now have two lumps perfectly placed as horns on my head. FML

#13086565
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18585) - you deserved it (6054)

On 09/17/2010 at 2:37pm - work - by login_eddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

#20061073
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18587) - you deserved it (2117)

On 09/06/2012 at 9:56pm - kids - by Chouse - Canada (Alberta)

Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML

#19573864
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18584) - you deserved it (4680)

On 05/04/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by Garry (man) - United States

Today, I hit a dead deer that had been left in the middle of the road. My car started to make a funny noise and smell, so I pulled over to check it, thinking I blew the tire on some antlers. The deer got stuck in my front wheel, and I'd dragged it more than a mile. And it wasn't actually dead. FML

#14658044
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18584) - you deserved it (40998)

On 01/21/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

#3403324
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18584) - you deserved it (51656)

On 07/01/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by kelscait (woman) - United States

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

#19549742
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18581) - you deserved it (12931)

On 04/29/2012 at 7:56pm - love - by -insert clever nickname here- - United States (Washington)

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

#20443271
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18581) - you deserved it (4608)

On 01/05/2013 at 12:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I failed to get my drivers licence. My father was the instructor. FML

#13701806
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18579) - you deserved it (23393)

On 11/03/2010 at 1:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)



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