Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

#2772100
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14404) - you deserved it (44702)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by dm206 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14403) - you deserved it (33720)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

#2078869
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14401) - you deserved it (52346)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found some nude vintage pictures in my house. I decided to beat my meat to them. Later I found out it was my grandma. FML

#14583340
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14401) - you deserved it (71854)

On 01/14/2011 at 11:05pm - intimacy - by Gabriel A - United States (Ohio)

Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML

#6945268
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14402) - you deserved it (2426)

On 12/25/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mariokart, she decided to leave. FML

#14448955
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14399) - you deserved it (6819)

On 01/03/2011 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a co-worker passed me a note with information about one of our cute, new co-workers I was interested in. Her report? Simple: "Lesbian. Try again. They're EVERYWHERE!" FML

#18895505
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14399) - you deserved it (2168)

On 01/23/2012 at 11:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

#20566415
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14397) - you deserved it (54646)

On 03/30/2013 at 1:19am - kids - by crunknasty - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend rear ended a cop car because he was texting me. I was sitting next to him. FML

#18397332
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14389) - you deserved it (22836)

On 11/30/2011 at 8:10pm - misc - by yessir - United States

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

#6009820
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14389) - you deserved it (4367)

On 10/26/2009 at 5:34pm - intimacy - by FYLyfer (woman) - United States

Today, I realized the extent of my crush on one of my employees. I found myself cropping our picture out of the staff photo to see what we would look like as a couple. FML

#3787096
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14387) - you deserved it (33438)

On 07/15/2009 at 10:08pm - work - by beingthebossisoverrated (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML

#17478101
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14386) - you deserved it (18077)

On 08/15/2011 at 4:15am - misc - by Michelle - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

#5925
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14384) - you deserved it (42551)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:24am - intimacy - by hitmutefirst (man) - United States (New York)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: