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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, the dry cleaner next to my house went up in flames. I went outside to look at the fire, as I looked on in amazement I realized I had dropped off all of my work clothes at the cleaners two days before. I was supposed to pick them up today but was too lazy to walk the 10 feet to the store. FML

#4449065
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11026) - you deserved it (60194)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

#4448908
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46742) - you deserved it (18746)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Teamarie (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mother sat me down to tell me that since coming home from college, I sounded like "a liberated woman". She was disappointed and disturbed by this and said that I should stop having strong opinions and ideals because it would make finding a husband for me difficult. FML

#4448635
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49630) - you deserved it (6699)

On 08/11/2009 at 10:57am - misc - by liberatedwoman (woman) - Oman (Masqat)

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

#4447976
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38133) - you deserved it (16619)

On 08/11/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Lilly_28 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was alone with a work acquaintance at lunch. A noise came from his pocket; he whipped out his iPod Touch and said "Sorry, I have to take this," before walking away with the iPod to his ear. Not only did he not want to talk to me, he thought I was stupid enough to confuse an iPod with a phone. FML

#4446947
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41828) - you deserved it (13685)

On 08/11/2009 at 8:17am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

#4445744
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12905) - you deserved it (40133)

On 08/11/2009 at 4:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom said that we needed to have a family meeting because of all the issues that have been going on with our family. My mom, sister and I sat down and began to talk about everything. As I started to cry my sister looks at my mom and says "I win!". She bet my mom $20 that I would cry. FML

#4445611
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39200) - you deserved it (7192)

On 08/11/2009 at 4:43am - misc - by amie (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML

#4443952
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7561) - you deserved it (98456)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by A.L.Woody - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML

#4443925
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46127) - you deserved it (21066)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to Safeway. Go in, get stuff, come out, and I have almost no room to get into my car because an SUV was parked in a compact spot next to me all crooked. Irritated, I got a pen and paper and wrote 'Nice parking you F*ing idiot' and stuck it on the windshield. Then I notice someone was in the SUV. FML

#4442846
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14083) - you deserved it (41420)

On 08/11/2009 at 1:52am - misc - by Amanda (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML

#4441693
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16686) - you deserved it (36790)

On 08/11/2009 at 1:01am - love - by thanksjerk (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

#4440172
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47401) - you deserved it (7142)

On 08/11/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

#4438831
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9060) - you deserved it (93822)

On 08/10/2009 at 11:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

taoxyeuxmay's comment : Karma is sweet!

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