Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

#6695402
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31113) - you deserved it (2731)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:41pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

#6695365
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30852) - you deserved it (7501)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:38pm - money - by muggle68 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

#6694973
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16199) - you deserved it (5733)

On 12/10/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

allmidnighteyes's comment : I'm gonna invent something to prevent this from happening. I'll just drape some long pieces of fabric over a rod screwed into the wall above the window that can be adjusted to cover x amount of the window. I'll call it a curtain. I'LL MAKE MILLIONS.

See all the comments →

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

#6694429
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28919) - you deserved it (2524)

On 12/10/2009 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by Godi (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my math TA showed the class how one of her "dumb" students answered a test question. Everyone laughed as she wrote out the students answer, including myself, until I looked down at my answer sheet and saw that I submitted an identical answer. FML

#6693694
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9253) - you deserved it (26780)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my daughter's school called to inform me that I needed to bring her some sneakers. Not feeling like driving the 15 minutes to her school, I told them I was away from town. Then I realized I was on my house phone. FML

#6692525
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5381) - you deserved it (64652)

On 12/10/2009 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it was the last day of finals. After sleeping less than three hours in the last two days, I got in the car to go to school. For a second, I thought my steering wheel, the gas pedal, and brake pedal were all missing. That's when I realized I was sitting in the back seat. FML

#6692026
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31085) - you deserved it (12953)

On 12/10/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

#6691654
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25884) - you deserved it (4656)

On 12/10/2009 at 6:47am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, I didn't get promoted, but the guy who showed up to work drunk a few weeks ago did. FML

#6691372
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31299) - you deserved it (2768)

On 12/10/2009 at 5:38am - work - by Hmmwtf (woman) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

#6691073
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8806) - you deserved it (33318)

On 12/10/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

#6690600
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31160) - you deserved it (4326)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:04am - love - by soapysoap (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up at 7 am to take my last final. When I got to the parking lot, I realized my car was missing. After speaking to the police for 3 hours, I called my girlfriend to let her know what happened. She then told me I had parked on the street the night before. So much for the 8 am final. FML

#6689873
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6737) - you deserved it (26755)

On 12/10/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by nofinal (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

#6689235
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8573) - you deserved it (36306)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:41am - work - by souped (man) - United States (Colorado)



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