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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

#5761778
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27837) - you deserved it (5389)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:53pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML

#5761626
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9953) - you deserved it (40721)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

#5760830
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10431) - you deserved it (55661)

On 10/10/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by loser - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

#5759678
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15589) - you deserved it (46484)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:22pm - misc - by sostupid - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I rear-ended a car on the parkway. We pulled over, the guy told me his car was fine, and then asked me out on a date. It was only when I replied "no" that he decided he wanted his car fixed. FML

#5759599
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27423) - you deserved it (17072)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:16pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend left for a month-long trip with his buddies. I stood near the door waiting for a goodbye kiss. He kissed his xbox goodbye instead. FML

#5759399
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35667) - you deserved it (5249)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by kissless (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I took a girl out I've been seeing for two months on our first real date. I had saved all my money for the week for this. I took her to a beautiful restaurant uptown. She got hammered, hit me and screamed that I would never be as good as "Marshall." FML

#5758524
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38842) - you deserved it (2844)

On 10/10/2009 at 2:06pm - love - by pistonsunshine (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML

#5758309
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33159) - you deserved it (2526)

On 10/10/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)

Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML

#5757165
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7104) - you deserved it (65426)

On 10/10/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by horniness (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my girlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our first kiss, I got down on one knee, and before I could say "Will you marry me" a bird shat on my head. FML

#5755233
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43268) - you deserved it (6373)

On 10/10/2009 at 8:52am - love - by -bird-poop- (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML

#5754979
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37490) - you deserved it (4529)

On 10/10/2009 at 8:07am - misc - by Nobody (man) - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

#5754527
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19317) - you deserved it (4270)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:19am - intimacy - by Taraa3 (woman) - United Kingdom (Hartlepool)

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

#5753501
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36982) - you deserved it (2069)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:23am - work - by superjesse006 (man) - United States (Oregon)



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