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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

#7460932
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13505) - you deserved it (30232)

On 01/20/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by showerpower (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML

#7459742
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23758) - you deserved it (7997)

On 01/20/2010 at 6:19pm - health - by M_Kclift1994 (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who has been sick for the past couple of days. She knows that I'm a tea drinker and asked me for a tea bag. While conversing with her, I handed her one and left. I then later realized that I gave her a condom. FML

#7458972
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10382) - you deserved it (29693)

On 01/20/2010 at 5:38pm - work - by PentiumBawls8 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after I drank way too much, my friend pulled the car over so I could throw up. Next to my pile of puke was a discarded shoe that looked remarkably like one from my favorite pair. When I got home, I realized that my left shoe was missing. FML

#7456887
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5566) - you deserved it (30211)

On 01/20/2010 at 3:16pm - misc - by Shoeless (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to treat my yeast infection over the counter to avoid going to the doctor. Too bad I didn't read the directions. Now I have to go to the doctor to get the tip of the applicator removed. FML

#7455740
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6801) - you deserved it (35848)

On 01/20/2010 at 1:21pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a swim in his pool. I was hoping that the swim would be somewhat romantic, however, that came to an abrupt end when he decided that it would be cool and funny to try and lift me up by my boobs. FML

#7454643
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31253) - you deserved it (4132)

On 01/20/2010 at 11:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I lost my job to a girl that graduated with the same bachelor's degree from the same college as me. She also got a master's in an unrelated field. I've been working there 7 months, and her master's in maths apparently makes her a better athletic trainer than me. FML

#7454519
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27994) - you deserved it (3965)

On 01/20/2010 at 10:59am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML

#7453526
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24693) - you deserved it (4501)

On 01/20/2010 at 8:47am - misc - by hatesmellyfeet (man) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my supervisor has been submitting completed projects to our manager on time for everyone on the team but me. She has been deliberately making it appear as though I am weeks behind on my projects, when in reality I am one of the first ones done every month. FML

#7453397
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31306) - you deserved it (1828)

On 01/20/2010 at 8:31am - work - by superscrewed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a little "fun" in our secluded backyard. It was only after we had finished that we noticed the three little girls, who live next door, jumping up and down on their trampoline, with their mouths wide open. FML

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

#7452564
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19255) - you deserved it (4492)

On 01/20/2010 at 5:01am - misc - by embarrassedinretail (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for the fifth time, and all I could say was: "Can I have my parking permit back?" FML

#7451699
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8127) - you deserved it (27091)

On 01/20/2010 at 2:33am - love - by mapollis (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my older brother and I were teasing our mom about her age. When we jokingly told her it was hard for us to watch our parents get old, she responded by saying "yeah, well, it's hard for me to watch my kids grow up and not have anyone who wants to marry them". FML

#7451300
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7937) - you deserved it (43345)

On 01/20/2010 at 1:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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