Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said "We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs." FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 3:05am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, between my cats scratching every surface they can find, my boyfriend's snoring, and the dog barking at every slight noise outside, I'm unlikely to ever get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 2:30am / United States / Animals

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 2:12am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 11:19pm / United States / Love

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 10:35pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was woken up by the sound of part of my kitchen ceiling hitting the floor. FML

by erlad678 / 01/03/2011 at 9:59pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss and I were stacking boxes in the back room of the store. One of the boxes fell and hit me in the face, causing me to lose my glasses. My boss stepped on my glasses as she ran to check the box for broken merchandise, which I then had to pay for. FML

by cain001 / 01/03/2011 at 7:56pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML

by anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 2:50pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML

by jenabp / 01/03/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I found out that my friend makes more money than I do. She's a high school dropout and working at a retail job at the mall. I went to college for four years to get my job. FML

by This_Is_Me1982 / 01/03/2011 at 12:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 12:36pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I went to the store and ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in years. We chatted a little, and just as I was leaving he grabbed his mobile phone. Later, I added him on Facebook. Turns out the last thing he posted was a picture of my back saying: "Look who got even fatter." FML

by insultedguy / 01/03/2011 at 12:28pm / Netherlands (Groningen) / Miscellaneous

Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidentally shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

by klyoung5 / 01/03/2011 at 12:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous