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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

#6718371
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20230) - you deserved it (3774)

On 12/12/2009 at 2:28am - intimacy - by Laura_2118 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out that my husband never wanted to marry me, he only did because I wouldn't quit pestering him to propose to me. FML

#6717933
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10409) - you deserved it (49811)

On 12/12/2009 at 1:38am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML

#6716817
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36729) - you deserved it (6302)

On 12/12/2009 at 12:23am - love - by MarkTheShark (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I was "letting myself go". When I told the little girl I babysit in the afternoons why I was so upset, she looked at me for a moment before saying, "Well, I definitely can't blame him." FML

#6716772
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25227) - you deserved it (7495)

On 12/12/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter for my Bio final at 8AM and drinking 6 sodas, 3 energy drinks, and coffee throughout the night, an hour into the exam, I had to go to the restroom, so I get permission and go. I'm 1 of 3 people. They later find a cheat sheet in the restroom. Now I'm a suspect. FML

#6716496
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28647) - you deserved it (3881)

On 12/12/2009 at 12:00am - misc - by fuckbio (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to my little cousin's school to pick her up and it happened to be my old elementary school. I saw my old teacher and went up to say hi, and after a few minutes she goes "Aren't you the girl who's dad always came in drunk on parent's day?" Nice to know that's how I'm remembered. FML

#6714593
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27766) - you deserved it (2464)

On 12/11/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by Childhood (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I fainted and woke up in a hospital. My mom drove me to the emergency room. The doctor said I had a panic attack. What did I have a panic attack from? Bidding on ebay. FML

#6713073
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10456) - you deserved it (27861)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:31pm - misc - by graospe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

#6712676
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12252) - you deserved it (37772)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Hacksaw's comment : Turn in your penis and get out; you are a man no longer.

See all the comments →

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

#6712384
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14562) - you deserved it (35904)

On 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

#6710646
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21164) - you deserved it (7687)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I woke up lying on the ground outside with a horrible headache. I camped out in my tree house last night. FML

#6710619
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23862) - you deserved it (9222)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by B-Man (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML

#6710252
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29304) - you deserved it (2857)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

#6710041
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28578) - you deserved it (2786)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by surprise (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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