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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, there was a knock at my door, and I was greeted by a punch to the face. The man was the extremely angry "fiancé" of the girl I've been married to for just over a year. FML

#5287091
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51155) - you deserved it (2554)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:34am - love - by OhDamn (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my mom was criticizing how I can't handle taking care of any living thing because I'm too irresponsible. We had a huge argument so I went back to my apartment, only to find that my fish had died. I forgot I had a fish. FML

#5286860
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6758) - you deserved it (54077)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by FlipYoC (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

#5286823
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36192) - you deserved it (5783)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:12am - love - by takingthebus (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML

#5286391
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35568) - you deserved it (3937)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:33am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

#5286193
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27140) - you deserved it (4935)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

#5285675
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10359) - you deserved it (35323)

On 09/16/2009 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

#5283658
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33043) - you deserved it (3977)

On 09/15/2009 at 10:43pm - animals - by Brinty (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML

#5283267
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28486) - you deserved it (5992)

On 09/15/2009 at 10:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

#5280220
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32730) - you deserved it (2098)

On 09/15/2009 at 8:24pm - kids - by Kellye (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at my cashier job, I got written up for accepting obviously photocopied coupons. Last week, I got written up for "inadequate customer service" because I refused to accept the same bogus coupons from the same customer. FML

#5279131
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42369) - you deserved it (1974)

On 09/15/2009 at 7:39pm - work - by bonedregardless (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML

#5276635
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48975) - you deserved it (4119)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:44pm - love - by Soontobeex (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my boss plays a trick on all the interns. He calls you to his office, then leaves you waiting outside until you get annoyed and leave. Apparently, the old record was 45mins. I waited 4 hours. FML

#5276365
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43718) - you deserved it (9862)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:32pm - work - by stillwaiting (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

#5276065
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61670) - you deserved it (3541)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by benander (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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