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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while my 18 pound cat was on the edge of the tub watching me shower, he fell in. Apparently, in his mind, the best way to get away from the water is to climb my bare legs. FML

#5309317
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34971) - you deserved it (5192)

On 09/17/2009 at 7:14am - animals - by HHIChica (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

#5309221
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22386) - you deserved it (77973)

On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found out I'm on wage garnishment because my mother, who took out a student loan for me back in '05, didn't pay off the $2015 owed when she said she would. I got screwed over financially because of her. FML

#5308756
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29670) - you deserved it (8644)

On 09/17/2009 at 5:32am - money - by MochiMomoChan (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

#5308714
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35198) - you deserved it (4968)

On 09/17/2009 at 5:23am - love - by FirmlyInEngland (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to tell my grandpa, who immediately said, "I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up." FML

#5307828
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39997) - you deserved it (3399)

On 09/17/2009 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

#5307387
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20245) - you deserved it (3636)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:15am - work - by Economess (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I went to the orthodontist to have my braces worked on. I accidentally swallowed some of the cleaning solution she used. She told me it would probably give me an upset stomach. Apparently, an upset stomach and crapping your pants means the same thing to an orthodontist. FML

#5306456
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34034) - you deserved it (3736)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:10am - health - by navyma - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

#5306318
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11416) - you deserved it (49062)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by almostmugged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging his neck and shoulders. He opens his eyes, looks at me, says "No", and goes back to sleep. FML

#5306041
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17223) - you deserved it (12883)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by turnoff (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally figured out that when a man says "Maybe some other time, I'll be busy then" more than once, he really means "I don't really want to see you again. I didn't think you'd actually USE my number." FML

#5305557
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10334) - you deserved it (30001)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:15am - love - by justplainsad (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it's my 17th birthday. I asked for a newer car because my car right now sucks. I got a book on photography. I don't own a camera. FML

#5304412
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16781) - you deserved it (49867)

On 09/16/2009 at 11:16pm - misc - by civic4life (man) - United States (California)

Mandakins's comment : Wahhhhhh. So let me guess, your parents have already bought you a car last year and you want another one? Do you really think money grows on trees? Buy your own car, mooch.

See all the comments →

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

#5303139
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32575) - you deserved it (2734)

On 09/16/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Lulu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying out for a play I really wanted to be in. After my audition, I was feeling really good. She said she would post the cast list tomorrow. Not knowing where she would post it, I asked her. Her reply? "It doesn't matter. You won't be on it anyway." FML

#5303014
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33621) - you deserved it (2881)

On 09/16/2009 at 10:19pm - misc - by Kat (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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