Awkward, My ex, Cancer and Health: Cold open

Cold open

By AbsentMindedBoy - 03/03/2009 04:09 - Canada

Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked, "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said, "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said, "That's great to hear!" Turns out she has lung cancer instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 624

You deserved it 15 765

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Same thing different taste

Bullseye

By cannabis_this420 - 17/03/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. I was a smartass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 012

You deserved it 101 124

By kisyfrot - 18/12/2008 03:38 - France

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 292

You deserved it 27 198

By Anto - 03/12/2008 06:11 - France

Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 918

You deserved it 6 902

By daddy-o - 14/03/2012 07:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 790

You deserved it 20 837

One upper

By help - 13/06/2023 03:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my friend (she's 14) said she had lung cancer. This made me and my other friend very worried for her, but now we know she was faking it since when she was "at the hospital" she was at a friend's house, and her mom came to the school to confirm she was faking the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 102

By imobesejk - 17/07/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 187

You deserved it 2 816

By anonymous - 21/06/2011 23:51 - Canada

Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 839

You deserved it 3 620

By yawho - 25/02/2009 07:25 - Japan

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 374

You deserved it 9 858

By nohair - 24/04/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I shaved my head because I heard that one of my good friends got cancer. I went to visit her in the hospital. She's not bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 572

You deserved it 60 428

By FueledByFate - 04/02/2016 04:59 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 707

You deserved it 1 779

Touch_fml 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 13:30

Is that why your an ex? !! :D

PTERONOPHOBIA 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 15:26

Aww. I'm sure she understood. **** HER life though :(

Comments

Thehappygoose 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 12:51

Fyourl? Fherl!

jomo111 5

Thursday 3 November 2011 23:56

Bravo just bravo

Touch_fml 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 13:30

Is that why your an ex? !! :D

Tri_fml 5

Tuesday 3 March 2009 14:10

ouch :(

PTERONOPHOBIA 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 15:26

Aww. I'm sure she understood. **** HER life though :(

ellykhoshkele 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 15:48

y were u in ur ex's house in the first place?!?!?

kayladance101 13

Monday 23 August 2010 21:14

they could be friends now! you never know!

Vonnick 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:07

Your life sucks. Sorry, man. :(

ZING_MASTER 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:33

She coughed so hard, she hacked up a big ol' ZING!!!

sahreeg 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:44

#2 ON THE SPOT!!! ur too insensitive to be a bf xD

jackaaa 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 18:22

There's no way you could have known.

marris 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 20:35

if no one ever told you, you couldn't have known. Maybe she was glad to have hid her cancer treatments so well

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The Top

Today, a man yelled at me for what seemed like an eternity when I told him his child wasn't tall enough to ride a roller-coaster. His daughter was about 3 years-old. The coaster is the second tallest in the world. I deal with morons like this every day, at minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 119

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 932

You deserved it 46 008

The Top

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 264

You deserved it 37 285

Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 308

You deserved it 6 831

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 555

You deserved it 2 622

Today, as caregiver, I had to physically remove the shit my grandpa had stuck in his rectum, because he doesn't remember how to shit. He barely knows who I am, which is good because when he remembers who he is, he becomes an abusive asshole. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 89

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 112

You deserved it 4 833

Today, on my way to work I stopped at a winery and spent around $120 on 2 bottles of wine for my boss, since it was his birthday. When I gave him the gift, in exchange he let me know I am being laid off - his consolation was "if you can afford this wine I'm sure you'll be OK". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 202

You deserved it 4 287

Cold open

Same thing different taste

Bullseye

One upper

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