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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

#7309178
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28699) - you deserved it (5103)

On 01/12/2010 at 9:57pm - misc - by pass_the_tp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

#7306926
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41621) - you deserved it (2221)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

#7306098
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24499) - you deserved it (2399)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by Narehs (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I noticed there was a red truck following me. I walked as fast as I could. I then ran. It followed. I slipped on some ice and fell. I was unable to get up. It stopped beside me and the driver got out. I then said hello to my husband's new car. FML

#7305863
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14224) - you deserved it (20982)

On 01/12/2010 at 7:55pm - misc - by meee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I made a fake MySpace so that I could flirt with my boyfriend and see what he would do. He ended up dumping me for the fake MySpace girl. FML

#7304615
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14303) - you deserved it (45398)

On 01/12/2010 at 7:03pm - love - by BetterThanFake (woman) - United States (Florida)

corgi's comment : So, technically, you guys are still together.

See all the comments →

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

#7304423
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34920) - you deserved it (3008)

On 01/12/2010 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by notasgood (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I locked my keys in my car and called AAA. He got out to take a look at my car, and he locked himself out of his own car with his tools inside. It took us 40 minutes with a screwdriver and stick to unlock his car and 40 seconds to unlock mine after. 9 hours later, I found my extra key. FML

#7302143
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25313) - you deserved it (5635)

On 01/12/2010 at 4:51pm - misc - by Dani (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

#7301581
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5742) - you deserved it (38560)

On 01/12/2010 at 4:05pm - misc - by Busted (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

#7300366
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10219) - you deserved it (31444)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by loveade11 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML

#7299222
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29106) - you deserved it (2085)

On 01/12/2010 at 12:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was pumping gas and decided to go in for a drink. I discovered that when it's cold, sometimes the gas doesn't stop pumping automatically and starts spewing out onto the sidewalk. I had to pay for $53 of spilled gas. FML

Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML

#7298942
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29479) - you deserved it (2215)

On 01/12/2010 at 12:23pm - misc - by MattVh (man) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, my young son swung a plastic pipe, it makes a kind of whistling sound as it spins around. I was standing a little too close, luckily it missed both my legs, but hit my happy sacks full on. FML

#7297825
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24232) - you deserved it (5168)

On 01/12/2010 at 10:27am - kids - by Dr_Dolittle (man) - United Kingdom (Merseyside)



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