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Man or woman?

Today, I turned 23. I had asked my mom for some things to decorate my new place. As I opened the box to reveal my gift, a mirror was inside. I liked the mirror. I did not like the note attached that said "Look inside the mirror to see who is now 100% financially responsible for themselves." FML

#3627514
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35111) - you deserved it (17031)

On 07/10/2009 at 12:08am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, one of my bosses came into work and told me that they had seen my dad's twin in the supermarket holding hands and kissing a much younger woman and her baby. My dad doesn't have a twin. FML

#3624810
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45186) - you deserved it (1574)

On 07/09/2009 at 10:37pm - misc - by tor (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting my neighbors kids for the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping around like a horse, oh, and a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

#3620845
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16121) - you deserved it (48554)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - kids - by armybrat - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML

#3620839
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8607) - you deserved it (81172)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

#3613617
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43762) - you deserved it (3069)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:17pm - work - by ST3PH (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

#3613021
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17677) - you deserved it (58502)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by sadlife (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

#3611862
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49603) - you deserved it (2833)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML

#3611861
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45111) - you deserved it (11493)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Fattie (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

#3610078
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11064) - you deserved it (50356)

On 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I heard a student in the class I assist having trouble with a download. I walked over and showed him how to save to his flash drive, and how to use 7z to unzip said file. I then found out I'd just assisted him in downloading a half gig of porn during class. FML

#3608539
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37662) - you deserved it (8546)

On 07/09/2009 at 11:00am - misc - by TingBarter (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

#3607672
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6455) - you deserved it (48724)

On 07/09/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by StUbbY (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

#3604059
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16838) - you deserved it (55006)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

#3603925
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48142) - you deserved it (2079)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by lady_jeni - United States (California)



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