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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26769) - you deserved it (3072)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML

#5845825
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29027) - you deserved it (1838)

On 10/15/2009 at 7:23pm - misc - by rejectedson (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that choosing to live in the honors dorms was a terrible mistake. Quiet hours start at 6 PM and the only exception is if you are a member of the university marching band, which means you can practice your instrument at anytime in the lounge... located next to my room. FML

#5845760
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26108) - you deserved it (4000)

On 10/15/2009 at 7:17pm - misc - by Matt (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

#5844999
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27125) - you deserved it (2983)

On 10/15/2009 at 6:14pm - animals - by Noname (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I flew to Mexico with my (now ex) boyfriend of two years. It was my first time flying, and apparently I have a fear. I had a panic attack on the plane. When we landed, I got dumped for "causing a scene." I am now stranded in Mexico alone for two weeks with no hotel room booked. FML

#5843517
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32557) - you deserved it (4552)

On 10/15/2009 at 4:19pm - love - by dumpedandstranded (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

#5843241
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28927) - you deserved it (3019)

On 10/15/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by artiemilano (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

#5841852
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7108) - you deserved it (55637)

On 10/15/2009 at 1:04pm - kids - by hatelittleboys (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had a Biochemistry quiz. I studied all night but took a nap to get some rest because my quiz was in the morning. I woke up at 10 feeling very confident. My quiz was at 9. FML

#5841442
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12676) - you deserved it (24785)

On 10/15/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by sleepy (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options." FML

#5840798
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30104) - you deserved it (2374)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Good_old_Grim (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

#5840446
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23577) - you deserved it (3655)

On 10/15/2009 at 8:33am - work - by Blanerd (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that, because i'm a student, the employees I train make more than me. FML

#5840313
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27749) - you deserved it (1974)

On 10/15/2009 at 7:29am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years decided to start an online blog about his life. He mentioned his cars, his friends and even his staff. I was never mentioned. FML

#5840285
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24453) - you deserved it (4338)

On 10/15/2009 at 7:11am - love - by Forgotten One - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML

#5839452
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32840) - you deserved it (4538)

On 10/15/2009 at 3:07am - love - by Achoo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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