Today, I went out with my best friend and her hot brother. Upon our exit out of the restaurant I walked right into the glass door and rebounded back off it. The whole restaurant was silent as I shamefully walked out only to trip on the curb outside. FML
by Anonymous / 05/21/2011 at 10:18am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by no one / 05/21/2011 at 5:07am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy
goldered's comment : Stop bragging on fml. It's inconsiderate of other people who get no action.
Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML
by Cassie / 05/21/2011 at 3:44am / United States (Kansas) / Love
chocolatechocha's comment : fhl. find someone who will respect u and your decision.
by wolfie898 / 05/21/2011 at 3:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to take care of my best friend while she was drunk. This meant changing her pee-soaked sheets, making her take a bath to get all the baby powder off, and making her put clothes on as she tried to run out the house naked. FML
by anonymous / 05/21/2011 at 3:20am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by btswc / 05/21/2011 at 3:18am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML
by thatsasquee / 05/21/2011 at 2:42am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
3dollarbill's comment : So did you leave a message or what?
Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML
by Anonymous / 05/21/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Utah) / Transportation
Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML
by SophieGray / 05/20/2011 at 7:33pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML
by Anonymous / 05/20/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML
by ewwgross / 05/20/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
by Emma-Louise / 05/20/2011 at 3:46pm / Intimacy
by rioght onnn / 05/20/2011 at 3:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work