Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

#13625422
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24953) - you deserved it (7987)

On 10/28/2010 at 10:19am - work - by kaz89 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

#13624785
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31269) - you deserved it (4452)

On 10/28/2010 at 8:07am - animals - by scratchpost (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

#13624722
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25188) - you deserved it (6118)

On 10/28/2010 at 8:00am - intimacy - by djoe - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friends house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

#13624636
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37960) - you deserved it (5178)

On 10/28/2010 at 7:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

#13624123
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59264) - you deserved it (4635)

On 10/28/2010 at 5:26am - love - by monogamous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my dad explained to me the "chain of command" for our house. McKinley, Mom, himself, Charlie, then me. McKinley is my two year old daughter and Charlie is the dog. He was dead serious. FML

#13623342
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24443) - you deserved it (5475)

On 10/28/2010 at 2:39am - animals - by katie06 - United States

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

#13622305
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24840) - you deserved it (15104)

On 10/28/2010 at 1:05am - intimacy - by unsatisfying (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts "GO F YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML

#13622060
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30533) - you deserved it (3341)

On 10/28/2010 at 12:44am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

#13621862
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48328) - you deserved it (3361)

On 10/28/2010 at 12:27am - love - by heshay - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML

#13621089
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16242) - you deserved it (33600)

On 10/27/2010 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after discussing the side-effects of an insomnia aid, my doctor said that making a choice was naturally a difficult one, and that he would only prescribe it to me once I'd had "a good, long sleep on it". He then laughed out loud and called in the next patient. FML

#13616932
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24489) - you deserved it (2688)

On 10/27/2010 at 5:58pm - misc - by royalscenery (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to put on my Halloween make-up to be sure that I could and that it would look nice. I was satisfied with my results, and went to wash it off. Everything came off fine, except for the eye liner and eye shadow. It's bright purple. I'm a man. Halloween isn't until Sunday. FML

#13615434
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14983) - you deserved it (29989)

On 10/27/2010 at 2:57pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

#13615368
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27296) - you deserved it (2931)

On 10/27/2010 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by thjeltz - Canada (Alberta)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: