Today, I was working on my art portfolio. I had drawn a self-portrait. When I was satisfied, I wanted to show my parents. They thought it was a drawing of a bear. FML

by nomoreart / 02/08/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2011 at 6:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Henry2's comment : No way! I know exactly what your going through. I found out today that I have two testicles!

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Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML

by scratchy / 02/08/2011 at 4:39pm / Health

Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2011 at 1:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML

by mom21 / 02/08/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

highlystrung's comment : I wouldn't say your life's fucked, that's pretty cute.

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Today, after a huge heartbreak and a night of crying, I wake up to an empty house. I go in the kitchen to make breakfast and see a note on the counter saying "We heard you crying last night and didn't want to hear you complaining this morning, so we went to the mall. -Mom" FML

by heartbroken / 02/08/2011 at 12:21pm / United States / Love

Today, I wanted to propose to my girlfriend, so I bought M and M's which I had customized with the words "Will you marry me?" on them. She ate them all without reading them. FML

by Username / 02/08/2011 at 11:57am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2011 at 11:27am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML

by mmromig / 02/08/2011 at 9:46am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

Today, I was leaving school to get tested for peptic ulcers, because my stomach has been hurting for a few months. To wish me luck, one of my friends gave me a friendly punch in the stomach. I threw up blood. FML

by soccerscout7 / 02/08/2011 at 7:48am / Health

Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML

by Shane / 02/08/2011 at 2:58am / Work

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

by CatLitterLover / 02/08/2011 at 1:51am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of four and a half months have "so much in common". He used to be my stalker, who followed me around in a black hoodie and always posted stuff on my Myspace as an anonymous person. FML

by Hopeless / 02/07/2011 at 10:22pm / Love