Mr Atlanta, USA 28 years-old Single
Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML
Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML
Today, I was on a train when we hit and killed a person. We were stalled for 4 hours. The guy sitting next to me asked what I did for a living, so I told him that I'm a vet tech. Then he showed me his infected elbow. FML
Today, my best friend threw my football over a wall, so we hopped over to go and get it. Next thing we know, we're both surrounded by men pointing guns in our faces. FML
Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML
Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
Today, my husband put some photos of our wedding on Facebook. He named the album "FML". FML
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML
Today, it was my twenty-first birthday, and a couple of friends took me out to celebrate. After ordering us shots throughout the night, my friends took off abruptly, leaving me with my very first bar tab. FML
Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML
Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML
Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML
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