Today, my 20-day summer break started. It was also the day my entire family, including me, tested positive for Covid. I'm typing this in an isolation ward. There goes my summer break. FML
Today, it's both my 28th birthday and New Year’s Eve. Even though it's a Friday, tonight’s big plans are frozen pizza and going to bed early. I live with my parents and even they are going out tonight, leaving me to watch the dog. Happy Birthday, loser! FML
Today, on the first day of school, my husband decided it was the perfect time to announce that he’s leaving because he’s seeing another woman. He already had his suitcase packed, and vanished. Now I have to take my kids to school, crying over their dad. FML
Today, I was conned out of £50,000 by my own father, who everyone thought had been dead for 3 years. FML
Today, I realised that when I was pregnant I had loads of friends, because pregnancy is cute and awesome and empowering, until the baby actually arrived. Then so-called friends don’t want to visit anymore because babies are loud, sticky, poop everywhere, and get in the way of brunch and shopping. FML
Today, some asswipe keyed a swastika into my car. Did I mention it’s a rental? FML
Today, before closing the library, someone came in to use the computer. He apparently forgot the password to his online banking, eventually getting so frustrated that he grabbed the monitor, yanked it from its cables, hurled it across the room, and stormed out. I don’t get paid enough for this. FML
Today, I went on a second date with a seemingly great guy. Over drinks, I asked him what his plans for the future were. He replied that he wanted to have at least two kids, so he could start a family vlog prank channel. I laughed. He was serious. FML
Today, after always thinking I wasn't ugly, just fat, I've lost 30kg and it now turns out I was wrong. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years, whom I just signed a year lease, broke up with me, exactly a week after my best friend's funeral in my last year of college. I can't afford to live in our apartment alone. I'm going to have to drop out and move in with my sister states away. FML
Today, a friend of mine borrowed my car, drove it on drugs, fell asleep at the wheel, and smashed it. Don’t worry though, he’s fine, but my car was described as a “write off”. FML
Today, after cutting my hair and shaving, I had girls hitting on me for the first time ever! Too bad they thought I was a butch lesbian, not a man. FML
Today, days before my graduation, I got sick with a virus, so I had constant vomit and incontinence. To receive my diploma, I had to wear a diaper and spend the whole graduation drinking electrolytes. FML
Today, I realised I'm tired of the bossy attitude exuded by the woman who I once believed was my soulmate. Tonight might just be the last night we'd sleep on same bed. FML
Today, I was feeling sad and lonely. I got a message from my father-in-law asking how I was. I instantly felt great that someone was thinking of me and wanted to chat. It soon became clear that the account was hacked. The hacker said more to me than my own family on the same day. FML
Today, I posted bail for my mom from jail. She did a hit and run, and then resisted arrest. When I asked why she didn’t stay at the scene, she unapologetically said, “I was gonna be late to church.” FML
Today, I played The Sims just so I'd know what it was like to live alone, own a home, and have a well-paying job that didn't slowly kill me from the inside out. It was the happiest I've been in months. FML
Today, I got a new name, which is “We” apparently. My supervisor keeps admonishing me about details, saying, “WE don’t do that” and, “WE make sure to do this”, while she herself simply does anything she pleases, including the opposite of what she tells me “we do”. FML
Today, I saw that the guy I've been seeing "liked" a post that said, "Single moms are for recreational purposes only." I'm a single mom and we just smashed, all this after telling me that I was his "favorite person." FML
Today, I was talking to a new friend when I told him my last name. It’s hyphenated. He then left and declared me to be a "stuck-up bitch" who thinks she’s "too good to take a man’s last name." This is the name I was born with. FML
Today, my evil twin sister was preparing for her prom. When I saw her trying on her dress, she looked at me and said, “First to get a boyfriend, a prom date, and into college. Maybe you’ll die first?” FML
Today, I went out with my friends. As I was heading home late, I heard the stop light beeping, meaning I could go, but some cocky prick thought he could drive past before I walked, but nope, I was met with his tire as it ran over my foot. Now I have to go to school with a cast on. FML
Today, doesn't it piss anybody else off, as well as it seems a bit suspicious, that YouTube adverts will play perfectly without buffering or delay, yet the actual video you wanted to watch can spend almost 5 minutes buffering, and keeps stopping every 10 seconds to buffer again. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML
Today, you’re required to have health insurance in my country. I have no income, I spend more on insurance than on food, yet most of the treatments that actually help me are not covered by the insurance. FML
Today, I was dismissed from my job for my poor absence record. I'd not received any formal warnings, and was dismissed on the spot. My absences were because of my disability. He didn't even ask for medical records. FML
Today, I gave up on Grindr because every time someone finally sees my picture, they ghost me. Either I’m really ugly, or most of the world hates black guys, either way… FML
Today, this guy who I thought was my friend said that my "existence is of minimal consequence," and that I'm "an individual I clearly don't acknowledge." All this after he'd said, "I'm not trying to hurt you." FML
Today, it’s the fourth day in a row I’ve laid in bed for hours with my eyes shut, wide awake, then watched the sun rise. All my parents have to say is, “Insomnia isn’t real. Just go to bed earlier.” FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
