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The all-time greatest FMLs

WTF?

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 05:00

Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 084

You deserved it 413

Gross out

By lawdwhy - 12/11/2017 22:09

Today, my sense of smell is severely impaired by a bad cold. As a result, I inadvertently ate some highly questionable dairy. I figured this out after my roommate sniffed my yogurt and gagged, just before my bowels had their opportunity to object to my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 084

You deserved it 504

By Useless Key - 02/09/2018 18:30

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 082

You deserved it 345

By in debt - 01/11/2018 13:30

Today, a tree fell on our 3-month-old family car. Today, I also learned that my husband never insured it. It's probably scrap, and we still have to pay it off for the next 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 081

You deserved it 571

By dumpedfornoreason - 02/10/2017 01:30 - United States - Normal

Today, I ran out of clean underwear and uncovered the pile of lingerie in the back of the drawer, none of which had been worn in over a year. Thanks, laundry day, for reminding me of how single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 079

You deserved it 596

By OwieOwie - 29/10/2018 12:00 - United Kingdom - Tewkesbury

Today, my gallstones flared up so badly an ambulance was called. I needed the strongest painkillers they could supply and had even more at the hospital. When my boyfriend came to visit me, instead of comforting words, he told me that "being kicked in the balls is still worse". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 079

You deserved it 309

All bunged up

By Buzz - 01/10/2017 13:00

Today, I've been caffeine-free for 2 weeks. It's turned me into a constipated angry bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 078

You deserved it 755

By Anonymous - 25/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was celebrating my birthday when my friend gave me chocolate as a gift. I wasn't suspecting anything and ate about half of it before I noticed something strange. It turned out there were some kind of worms living in it and the chocolate was about a year after the expiration date. I got sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 077

You deserved it 278

By Sissyleemae - 16/09/2018 14:30

Today, I got fired from my job for stopping a shoplifter. Where's the logic? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 076

You deserved it 347

By Jodie Zawadzka - 20/10/2017 06:00

Today, Hurricane Ophelia hit. I had been meaning to fix my roof for a while but couldn't get around to it. My roof is now embedded in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 075

You deserved it 1 377

Influencers know no bounds

By nope - 29/03/2020 14:00

Today, my wife and I got into a massive argument after she started a YouTube channel for our young daughter. I explained that I’m not comfortable with god knows who looking at our kid. Apparently, I’m just being paranoid. She’s already recorded our entire house, including my daughter's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 075

You deserved it 206

By 9inchsofty - 20/09/2018 14:00

Today, I took my truck through an automatic car wash. During the wash, the bristles on one of the automatic scrubbers ripped my metal antenna off of my car. The antenna was stuck spinning around in the scrubber, smacking and scratching the entire side of my car, top to bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 074

You deserved it 958

By Anonymous - 28/08/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 072

You deserved it 360

Psychopath's joke

By hannieannie - 20/11/2019 01:00

Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 071

You deserved it 269

By Gage - 27/10/2017 15:00

Today, having moved to Moscow over a week ago, I finally received the TV my work promised my flat would have. A big Russian man came to my door, handed me a TV from the 1970s and left. It doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 071

You deserved it 333

By Ashamed_Sister - 19/07/2018 20:30 - Austria - Graz

Today, I returned from a job abroad and saw my twin brother for the first time in six months. He greeted me with words of true brotherly love: "You've fattened up a bit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 070

You deserved it 632

By Anonymous - 25/09/2018 12:00

Today, a guy asked for hot fries at the drive thru. After receiving the fries, he threw them at the drive thru window, complained that they were too hot, and asked for the manager for burning his mouth. I am the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 070

You deserved it 157

By InsaneIdiots - 07/06/2019 04:10

Today, after recovering from surgery, I was leaving the clinic when a bucket of red paint was thrown at me, and a woman shouted that I was a murderer. I replied, "Sorry, would you like me to ask the doctor for my ovarian cyst back so I can pretend it was a fetus?" She hit me with her handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 066

You deserved it 196

By iDontLikeMySiblingsThatMuch - 12/08/2018 20:30

Today, my husband of 10 years decided only after I told him I wanted a divorce that his niece is also his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 065

You deserved it 286

Hypocrisy

By gamer tag ID not recognised - 06/10/2018 03:00

Today, my husband is adamant he's not a cheater, because, "it only counts as cheating if you have sex with other women for free." Apparently 20-year-old male prostitutes don't count because they're not women and they cost money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 064

You deserved it 236

Explain yourself!

By Alex - 21/11/2018 12:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, my wife, being very considerate, bought me a new phone for my birthday. That would be fine and dandy if cops didn't then enter my house and say I stole it. Turns out my wife paid $900 from MY credit card to the person who stole the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 064

You deserved it 208

By Vlad - 21/11/2018 13:30

Today, my uncle is on vacation with his friend, who sent us a video of their hotel room. He captured a glimpse of my uncle in the shower. Naked. This can't be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 063

You deserved it 306

Fun times

By Anonymous - 14/10/2018 22:00

Today, I arrived at the house we rented for my sister's engagement party. I was also told that I have to sleep in the most cramped bedroom with my uncle, who sounds like a mortally wounded warthog when he snores. I paid for the rental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 061

You deserved it 312

By NooOOooOO - 11/10/2017 23:15

Today, I learned how artistically talented my daughter is. Unfortunately, her favorite medium to work in is poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 060

You deserved it 341

By oops_i_did_it_againnn - 01/09/2018 16:00 - Canada - Welland

Today, I'm afraid to show my face in church ever again after I farted too hard and shit myself there this past Sunday. I'm the priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 058

You deserved it 520

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 23/09/2018 17:30

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 057

You deserved it 202

By idrow - 25/10/2018 22:08

Today, a bear dragged my neighbor's garbage across the street and stopped right in the middle of my front yard, where it proceeded to scatter the contents and have a feast. When it was finished, it took a massive dump on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 057

You deserved it 212

By BrokeAF - 12/08/2018 14:30 - United States - Great Barrington

Today, my ex showed up to pick up our kids in her brand new car. Last month child support doubled my amount because of a paperwork error. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 057

You deserved it 361

Rachel! Emily!

By MoreThenFriends - 16/08/2018 22:00

Today, my friend's father got me mixed up with his new wife when telling stories for his wedding speech. Everyone noticed. The new wife was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 055

You deserved it 252

I'm still young

By jb123 - 29/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Rock Springs

Today, I was sitting in a waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut." I'm 23 and married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 055

You deserved it 250

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The Top

Today, after leaving my workplace, I realized that I forgot some important work papers. When I went back to get them, I was faced with the sight of my boss and a coworker getting it on against my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 669

You deserved it 5 208

Today, a neighbor's kid decided to pick a fight with me because I'm "the new kid in town and need to learn who's in charge". When I told him I'm 27, he said excuses like that aren't going to get me off the hook. I just moved here and I'm already being harassed by a twelve year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 365

You deserved it 4 625

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 531

You deserved it 2 554

Today, I just called my now ex-girlfriend to break up with her, due to our insurmountable lack of communication, even though I was in therapy for four months to try and keep the relationship afloat. Before breaking up, she'd blocked me on Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Instagram for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 188

Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 652

Today, for the sixth time, I made a girl feel cherished and appreciated, only for her to pick someone else. I have vitiligo all over my skin and face, so girls typically don't look at me twice, and the potential girls I would like to date only "see me as a friend" and pick men with normal skin. I give up on love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 90