Buzz
All bunged up
Today, I've been caffeine-free for 2 weeks. It's turned me into a constipated angry bitch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Germany
Straight into my veins
Today, after being sick and not having coffee for a month, my body has invented a new way of processing caffeine: The tiredness and lethargy remains untouched, while the caffeine-jolt is converted directly into a fuzzy headache. FML
constipated
Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML
Yudith
Montreal, Canada
Source?
Today, I can't drink coffee anymore due to its turbo-diarrhea effect on me. I also have to take something with caffeine everyday or I will have a migraine, so I drink Diet Coke. Today, I saw on TV that even two cans of soda a week erase the heart health gains made during exercise. Goodbye, healthy hearth. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Strung out
Today, I realised just how caffeine dependent I am. I didn't have time for my morning coffee, work is out of milk, and I only have $1.30 in my bank account, so I couldn't buy a coffee. Today has been a struggle. FML
Anonymous
United States
Two speeds
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
animositykilledthecatfs
Cookeville, United States
Stimulating
Today, I drank two and a half Panera charged lemonades to feel more motivated and ended up feeling itchy and overstimulated due to the lethal caffeine-sugar combo and got nothing done. FML
Sostupid
Canada
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Give it to me
Today, my parents took my to hospital with headache, cramps, sweats and tremors. The doctor thought I was an drug addict in withdrawal, which, after some questions, turns out I am. I gave up fizzy soda last week and am in total withdrawal from caffeine and all the other addictive chemicals in soda. FML
Username
United States
Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML
Anonymous
Chester, United States
Sounds fun
Today, I discovered what it feels like to be extremely constipated while having a vomit-inducing migraine. FML
Top comments
Inkoseh 33
Just drink Decaf. Same effects, minus the caffeine and angry bitch!
raven_of_azarath 35
One of my friends in grade school constantly sang a parody of Avril Lavigne's Complicated, titled Constipated.
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Comments (21)
Richard Coco 2
don't lose sight of the end goal. keep going, no matter what. those who truly support you will understand.
exileonmainst 16
"Constipated".. Look at you with your big, fancy college words!
Inkoseh 33
Id almost say you're meta, but we used 'constipated' with potty humor in grade school.
exileonmainst 16
Yeah, fair enough. Not my best work.
raven_of_azarath 35
One of my friends in grade school constantly sang a parody of Avril Lavigne's Complicated, titled Constipated.
Cali 57
I bet that's the Weird Al version! I knew a lot of his covers of hit songs before I heard the songs themselves. "Hot In Here" is forever ruined.
duhoh 3
Caffeine-free is good for what? I can't either way though..
DarthPaulGames 11
I decided to take coffee out of my diet. Trust me it's bad for a few months but gets better over time for all problems which it's making. Good luck!
kmarie22_613e 25
Months? I'm barely a week in an miserable!
Inkoseh 33
Just drink Decaf. Same effects, minus the caffeine and angry bitch!
mattyiscool123 26
Same effects? Not really
RichardPencil 32
Why would you turn your back on caffeine? Hasn’t it been a reliable and loyal molecule for you your whole life? Repent to the bitter, brown god and you will be rewarded with evacuated bowels.
RichardPencil 32
C’mon, Sarah, quit dicking around with weak, namby-pamby stimulants. Put on your big-girl pants and dive into the coke!
davecross 11
Take a laxative and you will feel much better
Mongo999 9
Yea, sure, it's the caffeine!
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
I've been coffein free for 18 years now. try and beat that...