Today, I ran out of clean underwear and uncovered the pile of lingerie in the back of the drawer, none of which had been worn in over a year. Thanks, laundry day, for reminding me of how single I am. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML
Today, I realised half my underpants were missing. In related news, my slob of a housemate hasn't washed hers in several weeks, and has been stealing mine. FML
Today, my sister confessed that when she runs out of clean underwear, she uses mine. That wouldn't be so bad if she didn't also put it back in my dresser afterwards so I wouldn't notice. FML
Today, I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out, I snatched a pair of my wife's panties. Later, we had a cook out for my birthday, where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML
Today, after a day of walking around downtown, shopping and going out to eat, I came home to notice I had a dirty thong stuck to the back of my shirt. FML
Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML
Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML
Today, I went to pick up my laundry from the communal machines in my apartment building. When I got there, all my clothes were neatly folded on top of the dryer. I was impressed, until I realized half of the pile wasn’t mine. I'd been carrying someone else’s underwear up to my apartment. FML
Today, I threw all my clothes into the washer, including my favorite red hoodie. Apparently, I forgot a Kleenex in one of the pockets. I now own a wardrobe of pink, soggy tissue confetti-covered gunk. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
I know how it is, OP. Just today I was eating some food, and I inhaled between bites, causing me to remember it's been over a year since I've both breathed and been in a relationship. Thanks, respiratory system for reminding me how single I am.
bartsj1988 7
When will your book be finished? Or is that part of the procrastination process?
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Comments (19)
Tripartita 45
I know how it is, OP. Just today I was eating some food, and I inhaled between bites, causing me to remember it's been over a year since I've both breathed and been in a relationship. Thanks, respiratory system for reminding me how single I am.
bartsj1988 7
No, dude. You're single because you are cringy as ****.
DraconicFeline 31
Hey, don’t insult Tripartita, man. He’s cool.
Tripartita 45
Oooh, that makes sense, Bart. I’d update my original post, but that doesn’t seem to be a feature FML has implemented. Oh well. Thanks for clearing that up and have a wonderful day!
bartsj1988 7
FML use to have that feature but it only lasted two minutes. My only regret is not being able to warn you sooner.
Inkoseh 33
The editing feature was used for a LONG time. They got rid of it when they switched to this new layout this year.
RichardPencil 32
By wearing the lingerie as underwear, you can put off laundry day for a few more days. That’s just one of the many tips in the book I plan to write for procrastinators.
bartsj1988 7
When will your book be finished? Or is that part of the procrastination process?
RichardPencil 32
I keep coming up with more tips, and testing them for effectiveness. However, I’ve realized that I’ve created a conundrum for myself: if I complete the book, I’d be an impostor and a hypocrite.
GhostFox 34
Put it in your will to have someone publish it but only if you "never quite got around to it while alive." Can't procrastinate much more than after death!
She's Got Moxie 14
I feel your pain OP! Hang in there! Xo
Wil Smith 2
I know the feeling. I wish finding a relationship were a lot easier.
Tante Sam 23
Isn't lingerie underwear?
neuronerd 29
I'm a big believer in wearing lingerie under clothes, even if no one will see it but yourself. It's a confidence booster.
Jdgreen429 13
If you wore them more you wouldn't be single well maybe but it would still be more fun
piinksock 17
why don't you wear your fancy undies so you feel a bit special all the time? The extra confidence might lead to a new romance.
PissyBitch Daily 13
I agree. There's a spring in my step when I wear my sexy heels, even with jeans and a t-shirt. I stand up straighter when I wear my push-up bra. And I swear my hips swivel just a little more when I'm staring lacy panties. It's all about feeling feminine, even if only you know it's underneath your clothes. The bliss radiates, and you'll be more attractive on the whole.
Megan Cole 8
Well I’m in a relationship and I do t wear mine