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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Ishowet - 31/05/2017 18:00 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 993

You deserved it 482

By tortured - 10/09/2018 15:00

Today, despite using deodorant religiously and showering twice a day, my roommate still smells so bad that every time she enters the room I become physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 991

You deserved it 266

Looking good

By YoushouldsaythattoHER - 12/09/2018 22:00

Today, a guy was telling me how his girlfriend considers me a "perfect beauty." Not used to getting this sort of compliment every day, I felt extremely flattered… until he started explaining in great detail why he couldn't disagree with her more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 985

You deserved it 212

By sickday - 02/12/2018 17:30

Today, I took my first holiday from work in over 6 months as it was my birthday. Today was also the day I woke up and vomited violently for 10 straight hours as a result of food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 983

You deserved it 279

Spoiler warning

By Cantseethroughdoors - 14/11/2017 05:00

Today, everyone was signing a birthday card to surprise a coworker. I was told to go find someone who hadn't signed it so I went to the office next to mine, opened the door, and told them about the card. The intended recipient was sitting behind the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 982

You deserved it 1 298

Backwards

By bad sis - 23/09/2019 14:01 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, my family got very upset with me when I advised my brother’s girlfriend to take the kids and leave. They’re more upset with me telling her that, than the fact that my brother is an abusive serial cheater and a raging alcoholic, who hits her and the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 982

You deserved it 173

By Sith Dad - 05/09/2018 15:00

Today, I accompanied my daughter to her classmate's Disney Princess themed birthday party. Minutes in, the celebrant's mother kindly asked us to leave because my daughter was ruining the theme. How? She dressed up as Princess Leia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 981

You deserved it 382

By right date wrong guy - 14/10/2018 15:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I met a really sweet cute guy on a dinner date. Too bad he was the waiter instead of my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 981

You deserved it 455

By Livingthedream - 12/08/2018 06:00

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 980

You deserved it 476

By Anonymous - 05/10/2018 12:00

Today, the girl of my dreams, the one person I've met in my life that I could see myself spending the rest of it with, told me she loves me. She then specifically added "...but not in that way, so we could never be together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 980

You deserved it 280

Company policy

By IDPlease - 07/12/2018 03:00

Today my job started requiring all transactions regarding cigarettes or alcohol to have the ID scanned before proceeding. There is no way yo bypass this function. I carded a 60 year-old man and his 40 year-old son who both yelled at me for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 979

You deserved it 190

By BackedOff - 10/11/2018 05:00 - Belgium

Today, in bed, my wife took her vibrator and started masturbating. Feeling excited, I went down to help her. She told me to knock it off 'cause she couldn't focus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 979

You deserved it 644

So sweet

By Mom of 3 - 07/10/2018 15:30

Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 979

You deserved it 447

By Sunflare - 21/09/2018 17:30 - Netherlands - Holten

Today, my landlady gave me exactly one day to move out. I'm not even in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 979

You deserved it 160

The One Where Monica Sings

By Angie - 10/08/2017 21:45 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I woke up as usual, got dressed as usual, and went to work as usual. After a few hours, however, I found out that my shirt was completely see-through. Only 6 more hours to go in a predominantly male office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 1 074

By Anthony Hathaway - 19/10/2018 13:30

Today, as I was taking the garbage out, I tripped over my own feet, causing my knee to dislocate in such a way that it shattered the back of my kneecap and fractured my femur. I guess I won't be taking the garbage out again anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 01/09/2018 03:30

Today, at work, I received flowers from a Tinder fling gone wrong. He constantly flipped out on me and then would apologize. I finally got tired of it and blocked him on all social media. The scary part is that I never told him where I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 252

Genius

By istillcannotbreathe - 17/08/2018 06:00

Today, my roommate found a solution to his awful body odor: bathing in vinegar. Now instead of smelling like a middle school locker room, the house smells like a chemical plant. I'm not sure which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 212

By LustyDragon - 05/06/2017 14:00

Today, my husband won't shave his beard, despite the fact it grows in wiry and looks like pubic hair. He is now accusing me of "not loving him for who he is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 977

You deserved it 1 269

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - 15/11/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend finally answered my Snapchats. He was laying on a bed with purple pillows and sheets. His are gray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 976

You deserved it 282

By blindedbyOCD - 03/09/2018 01:30

Today, I accidentally poked myself in the left eye. As I sat there in pain, my 9-year-old nephew, who we think has OCD, decided to help out by poking me in the right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 975

You deserved it 273

By Panda Man - 29/11/2018 17:30 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a meeting with my girlfriend, who I live with and work with but on different teams. Both our teams got laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 973

You deserved it 149

Tinder surprised

By NatchezParadox - 09/10/2019 18:00

Today, I watched as my Tinder date arrived at the coffee shop and mistook another woman for me. He never realized she was the wrong girl, and they spent the entire date together before leaving. The only similarity between me and the other woman was our hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 973

You deserved it 638

By What did I do wrong? - 05/09/2018 01:30 - United States - Manhattan

Today at university, I saw a girl on crutches struggling to make it up the stairs to the dining center. Feeling sympathetic, I politely offered to help her with her bags, and she declined. By declined, I mean she maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 973

You deserved it 197

Baby you can drive my fire engine

By nzfireman - 04/09/2017 13:00

Today, while going into the fire station for a call out, I opened my locker door on our only available driver and knocked him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 972

You deserved it 414

By hello to you too - 30/08/2018 18:30 - United States - New York

Today, I met my new 7ft tall and heavily muscular neighbor. Before I could say anything, he greeted me in his really deep voice with, "Excuse me, but is this yours?" He was holding my muddy 3-year-old son, who he'd found in his backyard, by his jumpers like a stuffed cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 972

You deserved it 940

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 06:06

Today, I was unable to go on my dream vacation because I thought I'd lost my passport. Feeling incredibly stupid, I had no choice but to watch my plane depart without me. Shortly after, my brother handed me passport, saying that since I wasn't going on my trip, I could use my refund to pay for his cat's surgery. My trip was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 972

You deserved it 219

Whatcha been up to?

By Just another Dude - 02/10/2017 13:00

Today, I spilled vanilla yogurt on my pants while eating breakfast, but I forgot to clean it up. It left a very conspicuous white stain on my pants, that was there the entire day. I only noticed it when I looked in the mirror after getting home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 972

You deserved it 988

By Angela17 - 24/10/2018 05:00

Today, it's 3:42 a.m. and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 971

You deserved it 333

Great boyfriend, part 2

By thanks a lot - 04/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 970

You deserved it 240

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The Top

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear sporty, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just when a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 85

Today, in a large church youth group, we were told to write our current biggest trial on a piece of paper, crumple it up, and throw it in pile. I wrote "My mother's death and having to leave my friends and family." The one I picked up just said "math." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 832

You deserved it 4 077

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 538

You deserved it 48 436

Today, I actually heard my 14 year-old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 089

You deserved it 13 461

Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 245

You deserved it 958

Today, I was talking to this girl I really like at my work. Everything was going fine until our boss called me into his office. Apparently I was being a little too flirty with his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 250